When you feel resentment towards people. The psychology of resentment. Consider this feeling from the positive and negative sides.
The key words of these people are "exactly, equally, fairly." Any deviation from what in his feelings seems right and fair causes severe psychological discomfort in such a person.
Can't kill first
Then whisper: “I didn’t do it on purpose!”
You can't betray all the time
Then pray: “I’ll fix it, for sure!”
You can't cowardly run away
Said he was out for a minute.
You can't go back and pretend
That everything remains the same as before
After all, life does not stand still!
FOR EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE TO EVERYONE!
Olga Klimchuk
Resentment is the curse of a person, gradually it destroys our lives, but we do not even notice it. Sometimes we confidently say that no, we are not offended at all, while unconsciously resentment guides our every action, every thought, forming a certain life scenario where there is no room for trust and joy.
Unconscious Geometry: Hostages of Straight Lines
Resentment arises only in one vector -. The reason for its appearance is in the characteristics of the human psyche with an anal vector. The unconscious geometry of comfort in the anal vector is a square. Figuratively speaking, this is the template by which he subjectively (unconsciously) evaluates the world. The anal square is the key to a three-dimensional understanding of both this vector and its carriers.
The key words of such people are "EXACTLY, EQUAL, FAIR", these concepts clearly reflect the direction of their thoughts. The square has a rigid structure, the slightest deviation of even one of its edges immediately breaks it, creating a distortion in the entire square. So it is in the psyche of an anal person: any deviation from what seems right and fair in his feelings causes severe psychological discomfort in his carrier.
Any negativity towards an anal person, whether it be a word or an act, instantly causes. Resentment wakes up, a person closes, the mood deteriorates. From this moment on, he is a thundercloud, swelling with indignation: “This is not fair to me! How could he! I’m only kind to him, but in response, such-and-such! .. "
Unconscious measurements are made, the mental square is warped. And this huge internal discomfort triggers the alignment mechanism. I was done badly, now I have to compensate for this with the same action in order to regain my psychological comfort again. The concept of revenge - only in the anal vector. In the senses, revenge is the desire to equalize the mental square.
Everything becomes more complicated when the offense is multiplied by time. Alas, time does not heal resentment, quite the contrary. Time, drop by drop, only pushes the negative bias deeper, increasing the initial size of the “price” that the offender must pay in order for the mental state of the anal to even out. If at the very beginning, as a rule, it is enough for the offender to sincerely ask for forgiveness, then after a short time his “guilt” grows so much that it will become almost impossible to compensate for it. All its participants become hostages of resentment, and relationships will never be the same again.
Comes from childhood
Childhood, without exaggeration, is the most critical time for the anal, the most favorable environment. And there is a reason for this. The anal person has an innate program to accumulate and transmit information over time. Everything he encounters is important to him as an experience, especially what happens for the first time. Childhood is one big first experience that affects the rest of your life.
We can say that these are people of the past, because it is there that they are called upon to collect information (tested by time! - but how else?) in order to pass it on to the next generation. Therefore, everything that happened yesterday is, in their feelings, better than what is happening today, and the future is a continuous projection of the past. Yesterday everything was better: the water is wetter, the sky is bluer, and the people are kinder... Not objectively, but because the psyche is like this: without asking us, it transfers the past into the future. The past is the standard for everything, the basis of the worldview!
The first experience is decisive. Such is the peculiarity of anal people - to draw conclusions in advance, to generalize, based on their first experience. If in childhood an anal boy was splashed by a passing cyclist and had the audacity not to apologize, then, be sure, the boy will later carry a grudge against not only a specific person, but also all cyclists, whom he will indiscriminately be ready to blame for all sins only for the existence of a bicycle.
And so with any experience. First woman... first employer... first friend - the list is endless.
Anal mother - mother of insults
The role of mother in the life of an anal person is difficult to overestimate. Mom is his stronghold, the core on which the whole world rests. After all, an anal child, due to the peculiarities of his psyche - a special helplessness and a statement - is more dependent on his mother than other children. The connection with the mother is an indispensable basis for the development of the anal child, and unconditional trust in her. She is everything to him: and the guarantor of his survival, and the creator of the first experience, and the main operator of the mental square. Well, then everything is very simple. If mom intuitively understands the principle of his psyche, then he is lucky, if not, then ....
Anal babies are very obedient. Such children, unconsciously measuring the categories “equally”, believe that by giving obedience, you can enjoy the praise and protection that they so badly need. We perform some kind of action and are sure to wait for a response from the back side. If our positive effort is not equalized by the same positive action in response, resentment arises - we underestimated, underestimated: .
Mom for an anal child is associated with the whole outside world. Therefore, children's resentment towards the mother, accumulating, is transferred at a conscious age into resentment against the world. The sense of security that was not received in childhood is projected onto the whole world around us, there is a claim and suspicion of everything. Excessive demands, encountering a misunderstanding of others, provoke an aggravation of negative states, until the internal distortion reaches a critical point, and the anal man goes to take what he was not given. His revenge in this case can be terrible.
First love as a sentence
For the anal man, family is everything! This is based on a deep metaphysical meaning. Being the guardian of the cave and taking care of the safety of his fellow tribesmen is his primitive species role. There is no statute of limitations for mental programs, and this pattern is still observed today. Carriers of the anal vector are homebodies, caring husbands, the best fathers and masters. They provide us with a reliable rear and a home.
Even on the outskirts, still only in reflections on their first relationship with the opposite sex, the theme of the family is already idealized for them. Anal people are looking for such relationships to last a lifetime! The property of dividing everything into clean and dirty determines the choice: the girl must be simply a saint in every sense - pure, immaculate.
There are again two traps for the anal. First, he makes a transfer of relations with his mother to relations with women in general. And if in childhood these key relationships were not the standard of mutual understanding, then a greater or lesser distortion of the anal square psyche is guaranteed. After the prescription of the term, the resentment against the mother reaches enormous proportions. This resentment will determine the rest of his life, and the desire for destructive alignment will take place already in the relationship with the woman.
Recall that this is an unconscious process, and the anal man does not control it, he is simply guided by this state, which means that he will subconsciously look for such relationships where he can confirm the existing negative idea about women. Unconsciously, he will bring claims into a relationship with a woman that she will never be able to satisfy, expectations that she will never be able to meet. Fixation on one's own ideals, on a bygone past, sooner or later leads to the collapse of relations ...
Revenge, whether explicit or not, will be an invariable component of the relationship with the offended person. Such is the compensation - his way of leveling the old resentment: "I was done badly, and now I am doing badly - equally."
Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»An adult man can be offended in the same way as a five-year-old girl. But the most interesting thing here is that, being offended, this adult man most of all looks just like a five-year-old girl. He expects an apology and "justice", they must repent before him and show him all kinds of worthy honors so that his wounded vanity descends to the forgiveness of the "guilty".
And if, God forbid, these offerings are a little cheaper than our five-year-old girl in the body of an adult needs, she will perceive them as a degrading pitiful handout. How! After all, the insult is so great! And the tribute to compensate for it must be correspondingly great.
Resentment is another state of a passive victim of circumstances who was unfairly deprived, who can’t fix anything with her situation, but can quietly cry alone, expecting that by some miracle the whole world will fall at her feet, begging for forgiveness from the sufferer. And after that, when the victim satisfies his pain with this act of repentance of the world before her, she will finally condescend majestically to forgive the offender. Then he will accept from him, or perhaps even better from the Almighty himself, all sorts of the best gifts for the torment and suffering he endured, for the torture that the “evil and insidious” offender forced our victim to endure.
The idea of the article does not have a sexual orientation. This is true for both men and women.
The reason for resentment is our unrealistic expectations which for some reason no one intended to perform. As a result, the only thing left for a touchy person is to be passively offended and wait for the wish-fulfilling goldfish to miraculously materialize right in his hands. And for the independent realization of their expectations, a touchy person is still too small and too pathetic.
In the extreme stage of resentment, the offender, before asking for forgiveness, must not only apologize, but also humiliate himself, and even somehow “adequately” pay, having endured all the beatings necessary for this procedure, which, according to the victim, will pay for it "holy" torment. And, as a rule, the more the victim raves about this nonsense, the more he drives himself into resentment, the more fantastic expectations and requirements for the offender are formed in her, and the less likely it is that they will at least somehow apologize to her. And even if they apologize, then these apologies will no longer be enough to cover all the suffering they have endured. And then, in order to prove to the whole world how the whole world was wrong, the victim takes the path of the “holy martyr”, and begins to finish himself off in the most suitable destructive method for the situation, while, as it were, saying: “Look what you are doing to me! » This "practice" is different.
If the offended victim is five years old, in the most neglected state, the child, in order to be pitied, deliberately “accidentally” falls into a puddle in the literal sense of the word “puddle”. And if the victim is a little older, pity humiliates her, and now she wants recognition. Now she is ready to show others how real and how great her pain is. For this, the offended poor thing is ready to sacrifice an object from a cupboard, breaking it on her unfortunate head. In especially neglected cases, the victim counts on posthumous glory ...
Last solace
Sometimes offended person falls so low that in his despair he no longer waits for fate to smile on him. And then he agrees to the last consolation. For the sake of pity, he is ready to cry in his vest, if only he would no longer be offended, and the appropriateness of his claims was recognized, at least in such a derogatory form. He had long forgotten that no one had ever offended him in this life. All this time, he himself was doing this trick with himself. And now we have to fall for his game? Pity him? Let him be miserable? After all, our offended poor thing is just an unfortunate child? And it doesn't matter how old this child is – even in old age, the victim of circumstances is capable of crying simply from senseless self-pity, exalting his inflated "woe" to the skies.
Resentment is the bread of a psychologist. I can't even remember how many clients contacted me with a complaint about their loved ones. Fortunately, this particular neurosis is treated quite easily. Enough of a comprehensive balanced analysis of their own irrational requirements for others.
Resentment is not an event. Resentment is a subjective experience. Resentment is a tendency to show resentment, a “talent” to find reasons for resentment even out of the blue. The offended person simply tortures himself, senselessly wasting energy on senseless self-pity. Resentment never really brings anything good to a person, and there is no sense in it. Touchiness in most people causes ridicule and irritation. On the offended, as they say, they carry water. If the mother felt sorry for the poor thing, the child gets used to this manipulation, and may continue to be offended even in the prime of life. Resentment is an experience, overcoming which we move towards mature wisdom. And a healthy dose of self-irony is always welcome.
28.10.2017
Snezhana Ivanova
Touchiness is individual feature personality. It is reflected in a certain reaction to external manifestations and irritants.
Resentment is an individual feature of a person. It is reflected in a certain reaction to external manifestations and stimuli. If others do not live up to the expectations of the individual in some way, then resentment is immediately formed, reinforced by the feeling that he was unfairly treated. Such a person, getting into a particular situation, begins to experience negative feelings. Resentment as a character trait greatly interferes with a happy attitude. It does not allow you to perceive events in a positive way, but makes you look for a catch in everything, some mysterious hidden meaning. Of course, this approach to life cannot be called correct. Personality cannot fully develop, guided by momentary impressions. Here, fruitful work on oneself is required in order to be able to avoid an inadequate perception of reality.
Reasons for touchiness
Of course, no character trait develops on its own without apparent reason. Everything in the world must have its own prerequisites. The reasons for resentment, as a rule, are hidden deep in the subconscious. A person may not even understand why he is constantly being persecuted. intrusive thoughts. His psychological state does not allow rejoicing, the individual is constantly immersed in gloomy thoughts about his own experiences. Let us consider in more detail the reasons for the formation of this feature.
Infantilism
It can be real or hidden. In any case, an adult person is likened in behavior to a small child. He talks about many things, focusing only on his own egoistic view of the world. Infantilism usually manifests itself in the fact that a person does not even want to make an effort to see a different point of view on an issue that concerns him. Resentment in this case acts as a kind of protective barrier that does not make it possible to enjoy life, live in harmony with oneself and the people around. It turns out that a person drives himself into a certain framework, and then does not want to get out of there. Infantile perception of reality is always due to the inability to analyze the situation. This form of resentment is strongly associated with isolation, with the fact that a person cannot express his desires aloud.
Consequence of abuse
When a person has a negative experience of interacting with others, he is unable to make positive judgments due to the lack of positive impressions. Resentment as a character trait often develops under the influence of traumatic experiences. If in childhood a child was treated cruelly, he had to endure insults and humiliation, then there is nothing surprising in the fact that at some point he began to perceive the whole world as a real danger. As an adult, such a person does not achieve self-sufficiency. This person will constantly look for confirmation that others cannot be trusted. People will be for him a source of uncontrolled aggression. In fact, this is a significant omission that the individual himself tends to overlook. Resentment gradually captures the whole being of the individual, not allowing him to be himself.
Unmet expectations
In fact, this is the most common reason for the formation of this feeling. Each of us has hopes, certain ideas about the world. When subjective expectations turn out to be unjustified, a person is lost, does not know what to do. Resentment arises as a result of the inability to build trusting relationships with others. A person must, first of all, learn to realize that no one is able to guess her mood and even more so to fulfill all expectations. Life is much more complicated than it is commonly said to be. People in most cases tend to focus only on their own experiences.
revenge
Some people just can't come to terms with the fact that once someone did not do well to them. Such a person is guided in everything by only one position - "if only I feel good." Such an attitude towards life forms resentment. For this reason, relations with others cannot be called satisfactory. Vindictiveness as a character trait leads to deep dissatisfaction with life, contributes to the development of depression. For any trouble or inconvenience caused, they are ready to take revenge in the future. Of course, such behavior does not lead to a happy self-perception.
Impact of stress
The life of a modern person can not do without experiences. Constant tension significantly harms the nervous system, depletes it. Sometimes a small but prolonged stress is enough for a person to develop resentment in himself. Stress is a perfectly understandable reason for this. The more we fixate on a problem, the more difficult it is to solve in the end. Most people do not think about the fact that they themselves drive themselves into tight frames, do not allow themselves to be happy. It is necessary to protect yourself from additional experiences. Constant scrolling in the head of negative events and various unsatisfactory options only leads to a reduced mood background, constant depression. It is unlikely that a person can be satisfied with this state of affairs in the long run.
introversion
This psychological feature in many cases leads to resentment. Excessive focus of the individual on their own experiences creates additional stress, leads to nervousness. Hence, self-doubt, a suspicious attitude towards others is formed. People, as a rule, cease to trust, do not want to start building new relationships, make additional acquaintances. Introversion is largely due to resentment, since isolation has not yet made anyone happy. Constant thoughts on the topic of isolation from the world, existing external disagreements create an internal conflict, which a person often cannot get out of on his own. In most cases, self-absorption, self-centeredness leads to the fact that it becomes very difficult to make friends with someone, to open the depth of one's thoughts to the interlocutor. Introverts see the world around them in a special light, they work out the meaning of the words spoken by someone for a long time, endlessly think about the troubles that could happen to them.
Hidden pride
Resentment as a characteristic feature of a person is manifested in the fact that a person has an overestimated idea of himself. He cannot even allow the thought that it is possible to be wrong in something. Such a person does not have the ability to self-criticism, to analyze the situation from different angles. Pride does not allow at some point to look at yourself from the outside. Resentment obscures everything by itself, literally undermines from the inside. Most often, there is no understanding of what is really happening and how to change the circumstances that arise. Pride is his hallmark. When someone does not do what is expected, resentment arises. The person thinks that he has been treated unfairly. In fact, he does not even try to understand the situation, but immediately blames others for what is happening.
How to get rid of resentment
Such a character trait cannot be beneficial. A person involuntarily becomes a hostage of his feelings, from which he cannot escape on his own. It is very difficult to feel happy in such a position. As a rule, people do not understand why they have the same negative feelings. How to get rid of resentment? Let's try to figure it out.
Switching attention
In most cases, in order to overcome negative thoughts in yourself, you need to be distracted. Switching attention, especially when it is done in a timely manner, can dissolve any resentment, push it aside. Negative impressions will go away if you pay attention to what is happening around. Most people are focused only on their problems and do not notice what interests their loved ones. If you become more sensitive and open, then you can make true friends, thereby getting rid of unnecessary touchiness.
calmness
No need to once again seek to enter into a conflict. It will not bring any benefit, but it will make you feel depressed and emotionally tired. Keeping a good mood, we learn to leave with honor difficult situations. When there are any significant contradictions in relations with others, then, for obvious reasons, there is emotional stress. A person ceases to control himself, is not responsible for his own behavior. Such an emotional state is fraught with negative consequences. Keeping calm, a person acquires the skill of letting go of resentment, develops constructive behavior. The better we learn to control our own emotions, the easier it becomes to control feelings. And they certainly matter a lot.
Sense of humor
The development of a sense of humor largely protects the individual from any emotional upheaval. Sometimes a well-timed joke can defuse the situation and improve mood. As a result, emotional stress disappears, joy appears. The ability to kindly laugh at oneself largely determines the quality of life. People who take life lightly, as a rule, perceive the events taking place in it much easier. To understand how to deal with resentment, you must definitely work on yourself, and not let the situation take its course. A sense of humor is not at all an unnecessary acquisition that a person needs to form a happy attitude.
Working with emotions
What we feel determines how adequately we perceive the surrounding reality. It is not uncommon for resentment to arise out of nothing. People very often come up with circumstances that never existed. The fact is that each person reacts differently to certain changes in his life. What for one is an insult, to another will seem something absolutely normal and natural. Working with emotions includes immersion in the world of feelings, their full examination from different angles. Only by speaking out your feelings, you can fully get rid of the overwhelming burden and psychological stress.
Analysis of the situation
Everything in this life happens for a reason. Each situation is truly unique and inimitable, and appropriate lessons can be learned from it. Before making final conclusions about any event, you need to try to understand the situation. To do this, you need to ask yourself next questions: what really happened, why am I reacting this way, how can I try to fix it. An analysis of the situation can clarify controversial points, help to see some interesting details. How better man works on himself, the sooner he is able to notice really useful changes in his life. The ability to compare, analyze, generalize, draw conclusions in a timely manner is very useful in life. In order to work on your character, you must have a clear goal, be an open and perceptive person.
Thus, resentment is such a personality trait that does not allow to fully develop and strive for individual achievements. You can not allow the presence of the deepest resentment in your heart. Otherwise, it will fill the whole existence of a person, completely subjugate him. Fortunately, each of us has certain strengths and opportunities in order to work on our character.
Photo: Iakov Filimonov/Rusmediabank.ru
“What kind of girl is this if she never takes offense and is not capricious?” - some men think and indulge women's whims, considering them one of the side effects of close relationships. And the female half is happy to try, inventing new grievances. Meanwhile, touchiness is not at all a sign of female charm, it indicates a low level of emotional intelligence.Emotional intellect
Emotional intellect(EI; English emotional intelligence, EI) - the ability of a person to recognize emotions, understand the intentions, motivation and desires of other people and their own, as well as the ability to manage their emotions and the emotions of other people in order to solve practical problems.A person with a mature and developed does not have such a trait as touchiness. He tends to forgive and correct his behavior if it offends someone.
The situation is different with those whose emotional intelligence is not developed. That's when the face and constant touchiness, and tearfulness, and capriciousness, etc. Each of us can and should increase our emotional intelligence and become a mature person responsible for our words and actions.
How resentment manifests itself
Everyone has their own ways to show resentment, some individuals can simply give odds to those who still do not know how to be offended, it sometimes takes such sophisticated forms. Which for example?silent;
pout;
tears and sighs;
reciprocal negative manifestations (for example, refusal of help, walks, habitual rituals, rudeness, etc.);
vengeance;
the search for evidence of justice;
demonstrations and public performance;
involvement of additional witnesses and arbitrators.
Need to distinguish situational resentment, which is caused by the negative behavior of the partner and serves to correct his behavior and does not last long, from. Perhaps a person cannot or does not want to somehow convey to his partner his vision of the situation and explain to him what exactly upset and offended him. And for some time he pouts his lips and becomes in a pose: he falls silent, defiantly does not communicate and does not greet, etc. This is a situational response. It is harmless, and sometimes even necessary.
But there is another situation. When resentment becomes chronic and is caused even by the quite adequate behavior of the victim (this is exactly what the one who is covered with guilt looks like). Something like this needs to be done about it. Otherwise, it will destroy your relationship, and your health, and your personality.
Why does the person react this way?
comes from childhood, when the child learned to interact with his parents, he manipulated them and tested them for strength, plunging them into a state of guilt and achieving his own. The habit of achieving what you want with the help of manipulative behavior in the form of resentment passes into adulthood.The offended person is not confident in himself, and he wants to punish the one who offended him, show him his true value, force him to be attentive, show care and love. A person with adequate self-esteem will never lure attention and appreciation through manipulation, such as resentment. He does not need them, because he knows his own worth and does not humiliate himself with insults.
An emotionally immature person does not know how to respond correctly to a partner's inappropriate behavior, to his hurtful words, decisions, etc. And he prefers to withdraw into himself and fan the fire from sparks and chips. As a rule, harsh words of people close to us break from the lips in moments of emotional fatigue, from lack of feedback, from boredom, from the inability to say directly what worries us. The same is with resentment, it is always easier to be offended than to get to the source of anxiety and dispel the fog of mutual misunderstanding. This is how someone who has not learned communication reacts, who does not want to bother with empathy or tolerance. Looking for easy ways to communicate. And as a result, it gets complications, stop-communication and many other negative consequences, up to loneliness.
This is a manifestation of infantilism, that is, the inability to take responsibility for one's life and the expectation that someone else will take it upon themselves. Resentments arise from unjustified expectations, invented ideal relationships and other fantasies about people around.
This is a manifestation of narcissism, increased self-love, a desire to put yourself at the forefront and be the navel of the earth.
No one likes to be guilty, and he avoids this state in every possible way. And if at first he tries to improve, then with the constant use of resentment as a means of communication, people psychologically move away from the one who makes them feel guilty, part with him and look for more comfortable hugs.
How to deal with resentment
Resentment destroys people and human relationships. And you have to fight it. How?Don't hoard it. Try to resolve all conflicts as quickly and as correctly as possible. “To do this, we will have to go to the humiliation!” - so some people think, and with a tenacity worthy of a better application, they try to stand their ground and turn away, closing themselves in their shell. And they saw, they saw sawdust, and at the same time their own nervous system. But explaining the situation has nothing to do with humiliation. On the contrary, the ability to let go of resentments and exclude them from your life is a manifestation of high level emotional intelligence.
Avoid . Resentment arises where someone does not say something and reacts spontaneously, sometimes not being able to explain to himself the reasons for his actions. If you get into the good habit of explaining to each other the reasons for your discontent, then you won’t have to be offended. It is always better to say what you want, what you like or dislike, than to pout and put the other person in the uncomfortable position of being guilty.
Think about others. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their behavior. When you think about other things more, there is no time for self-pity and the accumulation of negativity.
Develop emotional intelligence.
There are three main reasons that cause a person to resent others.
The first reason for resentment is manipulation, and deliberate. The person deliberately "pouts" to make the other feel guilty. Most often, girls do this when they want to get what they want from a man.
The second reason is the inability to forgive. Unfortunately, this is what causes most of the offense. If you look at this reason from the other side, then it can also be called manipulation, only unconscious. In this case, a person often does not understand why he was offended. Just offended - that's all. But on the other hand, he knows very well how the offender can make amends.
And the third reason for resentment is deceived expectations. For example, a woman hopes that her lover will give her a fur coat, but instead he presents a large soft toy. Or a person expects that in a difficult situation, friends will offer help without any requests from him, but they do not offer. This is where resentment comes from.
Basically, people become touchy in a state of stress, depression, quarrels with a loved one. Those who are in a state of serious illness are usually especially touchy: they often take offense not only at their loved ones, but at the whole world. This feeling is inherent mainly in the elderly and people with severe disabilities. Often offended by everything and those people who feel sorry for themselves and love too much. Even the most harmless jokes or remarks made about them can upset them.
What is resentment and how does it happen
It is difficult to never be offended at all, but we can control this emotion. It should be remembered that in psychology there is such a thing as touchiness, that is, a tendency to constantly resent everyone and everything. Here you can and should get rid of resentment. It's not so much a feeling as it is negative trait character, undesirable mentality.
An adult, even if the words of the interlocutor touched him, can calmly and judiciously continue the conversation. adult and a wise man if there is a need, he can calmly tell about his feelings to his interlocutor. For example: “Sorry, but your words now sounded very offensive to me. Maybe you didn't want that?" Then many unpleasant situations will be instantly cleared up, and there will be no resentment left in your soul and you will be able to maintain good friendly relations with the person who unwittingly offended you.
Consequences of frequent grievances
If a person does not engage in self-development and continues to be offended by everything, this can not only cause the development of all kinds of diseases (the so-called psychosomatic factor), but also lead to the loss of friends and constant conflicts in the family, up to divorce. No wonder the Bible calls pride one of the most serious sins, because it is because of pride that a person is most often offended.
Because of an unforgiven resentment that corrodes the soul, a person can for a long time mainly deal with attempts to take revenge on his offender, invent various plans to sweep. This will occupy all his thoughts, and meanwhile his own life will pass by, and when he finally notices it, it may be too late.
The one who walks with resentment in his soul gradually develops dissatisfaction with life, he does not notice all its charms and colors, and negative feelings corrode his personality more and more. Then irritability, anger at others, nervousness and a state of constant stress may appear.
How to deal with resentment and stop being offended?
Understand why you are offended
Start keeping a diary of your emotions, noting every half hour how you feel. This is a surprisingly simple and very effective tool: you don’t seem to be doing anything, but you will definitely be less offended (and, in principle, be negative). The next step - if you are still upset or offended, write down why. Specifically, why? When the stats come up, you'll have a list of your traditional mood lowerers. And then you think and write a list of your mood boosters: what can you do to improve your mood? How to write 50 points, so you will begin to look at life much more confidently and more cheerfully.
Look at life positively
Train yourself to see the good in life. American scientists from Stanford University studied people who were easily offended and did not forgive their offenders for a long time. It turned out that those who adjusted to a more positive perception of life and were able to forgive, began to quickly improve their health: their headaches and back pain disappeared, sleep returned to normal and recovered. peace of mind. How to turn to the positive? Be sure to watch the wonderful film "Polyanna" - and you will not want to live as before!
Value your time
Resentment takes you a lot of time and effort, makes you engage in nonsense. Do you need it? Learn to value your time, write down your whole day every minute, which includes everything: work, rest, sleep - and get down to business. You will be busy with business - you will be less offended.
go in for sports
Sports people are offended less often - checked! The most "anti-offensive" are extreme sports, if you are still afraid of these sports, start with simple exercises in the morning. Or maybe you decide to douse yourself with cold water? Amazingly switches the head to joy and cheerfulness!
read books
Smart and educated people offended less - it's true! Read good books 1-2 hours a day, discuss books - this will become more interesting for you than being offended. What to read? Start at least with my books: "How to Treat Yourself and People", "Philosophical Tales", "Simple Right Life" - you won't regret it.
Right Society
Write a list of the people you see and talk to the most. Emphasize those who have a good character and who you would like to be like. Cross out those who themselves are often offended, envious, speak badly of others and who have other bad habits. Well, here are some recommendations for you, with whom you should communicate more often, and with whom less often. Think about where else you can find yourself a good, right environment.
My children are addicted to ShVK (
