Telling the truth is easy! Why it's always better to tell the truth People will start to find you funny
Often there are situations when it is simply necessary to tell a person the truth. At the same time, I really do not want to offend my colleague, friend or acquaintance. It’s just that it’s difficult to convey a specific idea to him in another way.
We will try to figure out how to tell the truth and not hurt the interlocutor.
It is easy and pleasant to speak the truth.
Yeshua Ha-Nozri. The Master and Margarita.
Why and why do people deceive each other?
There are actually several reasons:- A certain fear of the consequences of what was said, because it is not known exactly how a person will react to this or that statement.
- Unwillingness to hurt and make the interlocutor worry about what was said.
Thus, why not always speak only the truth or remain silent at all?
If the latter cannot be done, then tell the truth correctly, without causing pain to the person.
How to tell the truth without hurting the person?
- Never do not worry that a little earlier had to lie. Yes, and to admit this to the interlocutor is not at all problematic, because you did it yourself. Of course, a person may be slightly dumbfounded by such a truth, but after a few he will appreciate the courage of the act. If the interlocutor asks about the reason for lying, then you can answer that you were afraid to offend, and lying was a necessary measure.
- There is one very useful psychological technique: during a conversation, you need to try call a person as often as possible by name. This method of communication will allow you to get a little closer and win over the interlocutor. Don't look away while talking, but don't stare at the person either. Choose a position such that you are not directly opposite the interlocutor. Otherwise, an erroneous confrontation situation may occur.
- If it is necessary to tell a person something obviously unpleasant, for example, to criticize his act or behavior, be sure to start with something good. For example, if a colleague did not complete the task with sufficient quality, then it would not be superfluous to first praise him, and only then express his opinion. For example, say this: “You, of course, are a responsible worker and always do an excellent job with your duties, but you did not cope with this task.”
- In the case when a person is a very vulnerable person and can be very offended, then stands before criticism to express approval by actions, which will be an excellent "buffer" for .
Outcome
You need to be honest and open about your emotions. If some act of the interlocutor made you very angry, then do not hide your feelings. In general, it is desirable to talk with close people in this way.Try to see more of the positive in the person than the negative. It is much easier for a person to accept criticism if it comes from the mouth of someone who periodically praises and supports. Agree, if you tell a person that he is an excellent friend and comrade who you can rely on, but in this situation he did not do it right, then the perception will be completely different.
Lies and duplicity are considered the main ailments of our time. From the point of view of psychology, lying is a bad habit, a consequence of a bad character, bad upbringing. And what is the spiritual view of this problem?
I think the main reason people lie is fear and self-doubt. A person wants to seem better than he is, afraid to fail. If we add to this personal complexes, ambitions, envy, then lies and pretense become both a tool for achieving goals and a way of life for such a person.
Of course, upbringing, the level of culture, manners instilled by parents play an important role in this problem. It is from the family that we derive the fundamental concepts of life and the “matrix” of behavior. Unfortunately, recently, parents from an early age are trying to teach their children to achieve their goals in any way. This is the so-called psychology of leadership - if you are kind, honest and sentimental, then you will simply be "eaten" by stronger ones. Life is regarded as competition, struggle, and virtuous character traits as weakness. We are already reaping the bitter fruits of this approach to life - the lumpenization of society, the inability to hear and understand the other, disunity and bitterness. As the Scripture says, "The fathers have eaten sour grapes, but the children's teeth are set on edge" (Ezek. 18:2). No wonder, because false priorities lead to false goals. Initially, deception this case lies in the fact that a real leader is not the one who knows how to manipulate people and get benefits in everything, but the one who is able to sacrifice himself for the sake of others.
I say this to make it clear that a lie is not only a personal problem of an individual person, but it is something that can globally influence the life of the whole society and even the whole of humanity. And with all the diverse types of human lies, the circumstances of their occurrence, it is obvious that its main cause lies exclusively in the spiritual field. It is no coincidence that the second name of the devil is Liar, Slanderer. Here is the original reason dark energy, with which the slightest untruth is associated, any distortion of the truth.
Lying is not just a sin. This is the main "component" of sin, it is the basis of any sinful action or thought. Probably, a person would never sin if he was not deceived by the promises of sin. As St. Basil the Great says, "Hell cannot be made attractive, so the devil makes the road there attractive." Sin always deceives a person, and in each of his falls, the sinner becomes a hostage to lies.
According to the teaching of the Monk Abba Dorotheus, a lie manifests itself in three ways: by thought, by word, and by life itself. If a lie with a thought consists in an unintentional substitution of a genuine self with a certain “role” in which a person would like to see himself, then a lie with a word is already a conscious distortion of reality. Abba Dorotheos refers to the deep sinful depravity of a person who is accustomed to vice, is not afraid of it and is not embarrassed by the concept of “lie by life”. But since public opinion nevertheless condemns vice, but still appreciates virtue, a person considers it profitable to hide under a virtuous mask. This lie lies in the cynical duality of life itself.
Abba Dorotheos names three reasons that encourage people to lie, which are also the basis of all sin. This is, firstly, voluptuousness, that is, the desire to fulfill every desire; secondly, love of money - the desire to acquire material values; and, thirdly, love of glory, which in the case of the monks was expressed in unwillingness to reconcile.
- A lie outside gives rise to a lie to oneself: a person ceases to expose himself, to honestly admit to himself what he has done. This leads to false confession and, consequently, to depression. How to start telling the truth to yourself? And what is fraught with self-deception?
St. Theophan the Recluse teaches that "one must be able to divide oneself into oneself and the enemy hidden in me." The main trick of the devil is that he inspires a person as if his thoughts and feelings are himself. When we begin to separate ourselves from our own emotions, feelings and thoughts, they can no longer control us.
Self-deception is always associated with self-justification, the belief that anyone can be to blame for this or that problem, but not myself. Avoiding problems in this way deprives a person of the opportunity to solve them. Therefore, the Monk Paisios the Holy Mountaineer said: “By justifying yourself, you seem to be building a wall separating you from God, and thus cutting off all connection with him.” We need to learn to be responsible before God and people for our lives, actions and thoughts. Do not hide your head in the sand, but open your heart to God, Who, seeing the sincere aspiration of a person, will always help and guide you on the true path.
The starting point of everyone's spiritual life is an honest look turned inward. Therefore, the holy fathers said that the first sign of the recovery of the soul is the vision of one's sins, countless, like the sand of the sea. Until a person realizes the depth of his fall, sees his weakness and tries to build his life on his own, only disappointment and endless wanderings await him. Passions blind us, manipulate consciousness. Therefore, in order to see the real picture of your situation, you need to shift your own ego from the center of life and look at yourself from a different angle. It is important, in addition to your shortcomings and spiritual illnesses, to see also the One Who can heal them. It is only in the power of the Lord to save us from ourselves, our own passions and sinful habits. Without God, an honest look at oneself can end in despondency and despair. Spiritual illnesses are cured by the grace that a person receives in the Sacraments of the Church, prayer and repentance.
The gospel gives us not only the truth about ourselves, but also the hope of correction. I came across an interesting analogy from a spiritual writer. He compared the sinful fall of a person to exercise on a trampoline: the lower the point of falling, the higher the person "rises" in repentance. Therefore, to know the truth about yourself, to honestly expose your shortcomings, to see them is not self-flagellation or humiliation, but the only way out of a personality crisis.
Interviewed by Natalya Goroshkova
Quite by chance, I stumbled upon one article on the net. The article has a pretty long shelf life. You can even say that she has a beard, but right now it turned out to be most welcome. I think this is because this theme is eternal - honesty.
Honesty and… personal branding. Previously, branding was mainly corporate. And now personal branding is sometimes much more important than the brand of the company. What is the relationship between personal branding and integrity? Directly. Because when you build your brand, you can't be honest people and find yourself in your own trap. And in order to get out of there, you need to start telling people the truth again. But the truth is that people don't really like honesty. And this applies to both the business world and the personal environment. What happens if you suddenly begin to honestly answer questions and tell how you really are doing?
Which of the friends is better: the one who will tell the truth, because his friend is not indifferent to him, or the one who will remain silent or say that the choice of a life / work / new home / tie is even nothing, if only he liked it? As practice has shown, it is better the one who agrees or makes a helpless gesture. And the one who honestly answers the question, in the end, turns out to be an enemy.
The same goes for work. If you are building your personal brand, then you must be successful: post beautiful photos with beautiful and successful (or with those and those separately) people in beautiful places; give comments in fashion magazines; periodically star in front of cameras and cameras and delight your fans with photos on Instagram and Facebook. And it's not at all interesting for anyone to know, even harmful to know, that you really hate being photographed, that you are already tired of giving comments, or that you want to stay as far as possible from those with whom you constantly flicker in photographs?
But you can't do that, because then you will lose the respect of the public and your customers. You will lose your own brand and, as a result, money. But for a long time it is also difficult to endure, and sooner or later a person has a nervous breakdown, because he constantly lies to himself and others.
It's like signing a contract with a company - you can't talk bad about it as long as you work with it. But as soon as the contract expires (or you yourself break it with all the ensuing consequences), you become free again and can finally express your real feelings for the brand you worked with. But breaking the contract with yourself is much more difficult.
What will happen if you suddenly start telling everyone the truth? And it will be a lot of fun! Trust me, I know what I'm talking about ;)
People will stop talking to you
If you start telling the truth, get ready for some people to stop talking to you. It could be your family members, your friends, your colleagues and your investors. Get ready for the fact that your environment will change dramatically, and this applies to both real people and your "friends" on social networks.
When you tell the truth, it's hard not to offend someone. But it is also known that only those who benefit from it are offended. If a person is honest with himself, it is very difficult to offend him. He can only cause bewilderment by his act.
People may think that you decided to take your own life.
Imagine what will happen if you start writing only the truth to your feed? Most likely, if the day turned out to be difficult, each post will resemble a suicide note or it will clearly read signs of manic depressive psychosis.
People will start to think you're crazy
Reading your notes or communicating personally with you, many will begin to have a completely natural question: “Are you crazy ?!” It is possible that they will start asking this question to your friends or relatives and be interested in your general mental state. Someone can politely recommend a good psychoanalyst.
People will get scared
People will start labeling you. Someone will say that you are just trying to stand out among the crowd and be “different” (city crazy or crazy genius - who will understand?). Someone will call an upstart. Telling the truth is not a natural behavior for today's Homo sapiens, and no one likes it when at a corporate meeting someone gets up and starts telling the truth about what's wrong. In general, few people like it when they tell the truth about obviously unsuccessful things.
People will start to find you funny
After others get used to your statement, some will even find you funny and people will slowly start to come back to you. They will be wondering what this crazy man will do this time? And, most importantly, they will be sure that what you write or say is 100% true. You will become almost the only source of “uncensored” news for them. You will become something like a series that is hard to tear yourself away from, only cooler.
After the stage of addiction and liking, people will begin to trust you. Because they will know for sure that you will tell them the truth, and not sing beautiful stories in your ear just to sell something. They may not like you, they may even be afraid of you, but they will come for advice anyway. You can become something of a last resort, King Solomon in your settlement.
You will be free
And the last, most pleasant stage - you will become free from your golden cage of your own brand and build yourself a new brand that will have no boundaries. If before, you didn’t say what you really liked or what you really thought about this or that because you were afraid of not pleasing someone or losing friends, now you can safely say what you really think. Because there will be people around who like you precisely because of their personal preferences, and not because you agree with them just to please.
And it will definitely become easier for you, because now you will not need to keep track of what you wrote, or what you wore, or who you now appear in photographs with. You are you. And next to you are those people who love you, appreciate you and trust you precisely because of this.
Do not confuse honesty with outright rudeness and rudeness. This freedom does not mean at all that you can say nasty things right and left. This freedom means you can now build your personal brand on trust, make yourself better, and learn to take responsibility for what you say.
