Alexey skipper. Three easy steps to unlock your mind and start living your own life He has a blockage on his feelings

Feeling anger sometimes is normal, as long as you don’t push it, but live safely. To be in a claim to the world, when you want to control everything and everywhere, and when this does not happen - to be angry all the time - this is already abnormal. How abnormal and not able to control it. Control is to blow off steam in ways that are safe for everyone, leaving nothing in yourself and dumping nothing on others. How to do this?

Emotions are lived only through the body - analysis by the brain does not give anything. Because they live in the body and exit through the body. If you think and analyze, then I understand everything with my head, but it still infuriates me.

For example, you have a difficult relationship with your mother. And if you only let off steam and scream into the pillow, without changing anything in your attitude towards your mother, then this is pointless. This is the same as taking painkillers for a toothache and not going to the doctor. You need to take care of your teeth, right? And relationships need to be healed. This is primary. justify;"> We will talk most of all about anger, because it is not clear what to do with it and where to put it. And one way or another, in any complex interweaving of emotions, there is a lot of anger. The way out of many difficult states, such as feelings of guilt and resentment, occurs through anger. And refusing to live it, we cannot go further.

But I ask you to separate anger as a momentary emotion that comes naturally when things don't go your way (such is the nature of anger) and anger as a character trait, which is anger. Feeling anger sometimes is normal, as long as you don’t push it, but live safely. To be in a claim to the world, when you want to control everything and everywhere, and when this does not happen - to be angry all the time - this is already abnormal. How crazy and not able to control it.

Controlling anger does not mean not feeling it or suppressing it.

Control is to blow off steam in ways that are safe for everyone, leaving nothing in yourself and nothing being dumped on others. Imagine that anger is a natural waste product of the body, like overcooked food. What happens if you consider this case "dirty" and stop going to the toilet? Forbid yourself to do it? What will be the outcome? Maybe our task is to create such a “toilet” for emotions too – a place where we do something calmly and safely, without harming anyone?

And I beg you to avoid premature spirituality in emotions. This is when it boils and hurts inside, and from above we crush it all with the word “no” and delve into the reasons. Most often, this is how we treat other people's feelings, they say, I'll tell you now why you flew by karma! Causes are sought after the emotion is released. It will be much easier for you to see all this with a sober head. First, live. Or let a person live, help him in this.

And now let's get started. I want to divide the ways of experiencing emotions into constructive and destructive. Those that are harmless and those that hurt someone.

Destructive ways:

Pour on other people, especially those who "passed by."

At work, the boss got it, but you can’t tell him in the face, so we come home - and it hits the cat, which turned up under the arm, that is, under the leg, or the child who again brought the “troika”. Familiar? And it seems that you will yell and it will become easier, but then comes the feeling of guilt - after all, a cat or a child has nothing to do with it.

Rudeness.

In the same situation, when the boss drove him into a rage, but the anger remained inside, you can not deliver this bomb to the house, knowing that it will explode there. And pour out your anger on the saleswoman who works slowly and makes a mistake, on those who stepped on your foot or crossed the road, and at the same time on those who are very annoying with a happy face. And also of little use. Even if there is no feeling of guilt, the negative emotions of another person, on whom all this is poured out, will definitely return to us one day. Again. And so they go back and forth, while we are rude to each other.

Trolling on the Internet

This method seems to be safer and more unpunished. An anonymous page without an avatar, even if with an avatar, will not be found and beaten for sure. The boss brought it out - you can go to someone's page and write disgusting - they say, what an ugly thing! Or write nonsense! Or provoke some kind of dispute on a difficult topic, pouring mud on opponents, poking them with a needle in different places to hurt. But the law of karma works here, even if the laws of the state are not yet everywhere.

eat sweets

Another way, which, by the way, we often see in films. When a heroine is abandoned by a loved one or cheats on her, what does she do? I have this picture in front of my eyes: a crying girl in bed is watching a movie and eating a huge can of ice cream. The harm of such an event, I think, is clear to many.

Swear

Another way may look like this: you get rude, and you are rude in return. The husband came to yell at you - and you yell at him too. You seem to be honest. The person is the cause of your negative feelings, you need to urgently express them. But by doing so, you only fan the fire, intensify the conflict, and nothing good comes from this. A quarrel always takes out all our strength, including all hidden reserves, and we remain devastated and unhappy after it. Even if the dispute is won.

beat someone

Again - children, dogs, husband, boss (well, you never know). Any person who is the cause of your anger or just came to hand. Corporal punishment for children, during the emotional breakdown of parents, is very traumatic. They provoke in the child both a feeling of humiliation and a reciprocal hatred that he cannot express in any way. If you hit your husband, then you can get change, which, unfortunately, is not uncommon. And I've seen statistics that about half of women who have experienced domestic violence are the first to start a fight, not expecting a man to fight back. This does not justify men, but it does not honor women either.

Suppress

There is a belief that anger is bad. The more religious a woman is, the more she suppresses anger. He pretends not to piss her off, smiles stiffly at everyone, and so on. Further, anger has two ways out - to explode in a safe place (again at home, on loved ones) - and she will not be able to control this. And the second option is to hit her health and body. It seems to me that it is no coincidence that today so many people die precisely from cancer, this is a disease of unlived emotions, which many psychologists have repeatedly written about.

Break dishes and break things

On the one hand, the method is constructive. It's better to break a plate than hit a child. And of course sometimes you can use it. But if we destroy some things on our way, then we need to understand that then all this will need to be restored. My husband once destroyed his laptop in a rage. It was a terrible sight, and then I had to buy a new computer. This is costly, and therefore less constructive than we would like.

Slam the door

It seems to me that this method is dear to many teenagers. And I remember myself like that, and in places I already see children like that. In principle, not the worst way. Only once I slammed the door so hard that the glass broke in it. And so nothing special.

Beat with words

You don't always need hands to hit a person. We women are good at doing it with words. Poke at pain points, sting, tease - and then pretend that we are not to blame and nothing to do with it. The more dirt we have inside us, the sharper and more caustic our tongue is. I remember myself, before, when I didn’t know where to put my feelings, I constantly teased everyone. Many called me an "ulcer", I could not help myself. I thought it was funny.

The more I learn to feel the feelings, the softer my speech becomes. And the less any kind of "studs" in it. Because it does not give anything good to anyone. For a couple of minutes, you can feed your ego and at the same time destroy relationships and earn karmic reactions.

Revenge

Often in a fit of anger it seems that if we take revenge and wash away the shame with the blood of the enemy, we will feel better. I know that some women during a quarrel with their husband, to spite him, have sex with someone, for example. A blessed option, which many consider acceptable, especially if the husband has cheated. But what's the bottom line? Revenge only exacerbates the conflict and increases the distance between us. Revenge is different - subtle and rough. But none of them are useful. Nobody.

Sex

Not the best way to discharge, although it is physical. Because sex is still an opportunity to show love for each other, and not use each other as exercise equipment. Our mood during intimacy greatly affects our relationship in general. And casual connections with just anyone, for relaxation, are not only not useful, but also harmful.

shopping

Women often go to the store in upset feelings. And they buy a lot of unnecessary things there. Sometimes they even deliberately spend more money than necessary in order to take revenge, for example, on their husband. But it turns out that at this time we are using the resources that are given to us for good deeds - that is, money - at random and trying to harm others with their help. What will be the result? Resources will run out. And what they were spent on will not be useful. The dress you bought in anger will soak up your condition and make it difficult for you to wear it.

The list turned out to be impressive, not entirely joyful, but nevertheless, most often this is exactly what we do. Because we do not have a culture of dealing with feelings. We were not taught this, they never talk about it anywhere - they only ask us to put our feelings out of sight. And that's it.

Constructive ways of experiencing emotions:

Let the feelings be.

Sometimes - and by the way, very often, to experience a feeling, it is enough to see it, call it by its name and accept it. That is, in a moment of anger, say to yourself: “Yes, I am very angry now. And that's okay." This is very difficult for all those who have been told that this is not normal (because it is inconvenient for others). It’s hard to admit that you are angry now, although it is written on your face. It is difficult to say that this also happens. Sometimes it's hard to understand, but what is this feeling? I remember in constellations a girl whose jaws were trembling, her hands tensed into fists, and she called her feelings “sadness”. Learning to understand what it feels like is a matter of practice and time. For example, you can watch yourself. At critical moments, look in the mirror to understand what is on your face, follow the signs of the body, observe the tension in the body and the signals in it.

Stomp.

In traditional Indian dances, a woman stomps a lot, it is not so noticeable, because she dances barefoot. But in this way, through energetic movements, all tension leaves the body and goes into the ground. We often laugh at Indian films, where from any events - good or bad - they dance, but there is a special truth to this. Live any feelings through the body. Allow anger to run through you as you vigorously vent it through energetic stomps. By the way, there are many such movements in Russian folk dances.

It is not necessary to go to the dance section right now (although why not?) Try to close your eyes and, having felt an emotion in your body, “give” it to the ground with the help of stompers. Of course, it is best to stomp while standing on the ground, and not on the tenth floor of a high-rise building. Even better if you can do it barefoot on grass or sand. You will physically feel how much easier it becomes.

And don't think about how it looks. Ideally, of course, if no one sees you and does not distract you. But if there is no such place, close your eyes and stomp.

Scream.

In some trainings, a form of purification such as screaming is practiced. When we scream into the floor, with a partner who helps us, we can also scream into a pillow in any other way. Some important word is usually shouted. For example, "Yes" or "No" - if it suits your emotion. You can just shout "Aaaaaa!". Take a deep breath and then open your mouth and empty your heart that way. So several times, until you feel empty inside.

Sometimes before that they do some kind of “pumping” - at first they breathe very, very quickly, exclusively through the nose.

There are weaknesses in this technique. For example, neighbors and households. The scream is very loud. And if you cannot relax and not worry, then it will not heal. The scream must come from a relaxed throat, otherwise you can seriously break your voice. It is better to try this for the first time somewhere with experienced people, then the effect will be greater.

Speak out.

Women's way. To live any feelings, we really need to talk about it, tell someone. About how the boss offended, and someone on the bus called. Not so much even to get support (which is also nice), but to pour it out of yourself. Approximately because of these people go to psychologists to get everything that corrodes their heart from there. A friend who has been working as a psychologist for a very long time once shared that most of her clients are helped by one simple way. She listens to them, asks questions so that they describe the situation as voluminously as possible, and that’s it. Doesn't give any recipes or advice. Just listening. And often at the end of the conversation, a person has a solution. Of course. It was as if the veil of anger that had been covering his eyes had been removed, and he saw the way.

Women do the same with each other, speaking out. There are only two points here. You can't tell anyone about your family life- about the problems in it. Otherwise, these problems can be exacerbated. And if they tell you something, you should not give advice. Just listen. By the way, you can organize a circle in which women share all their emotions - and then somehow symbolically say goodbye to them (which is often done in women's groups).

Be careful not to dump all your emotions on your husband. He just can't take it. If you talk to your friends, get their consent first. And don't forget to share the good things too (otherwise a friend may feel like a "toilet", which is only needed to drain negative emotions). It's great if you can cry to mom or dad if you have a mentor who listens to you, or a husband who is ready to do this.

Any of our blocks and clamps in the body are unlived emotions. Of course, I'm not talking about light strokes, but about deep work with the body, with force. A high-quality massage that kneads these points helps us cope with emotions. In this place, the main thing - as in childbirth - is to open up to pain. They press you somewhere, you feel pain - breathe and relax towards the pain. Tears may also come out of your eyes - this is normal.

A good massage therapist will immediately see your weak points - and he knows exactly where and how to press in order to remove the clamp. But often it hurts so much that we stop it - and do not move on. Then the massage becomes a pleasant relaxation procedure, but does not contribute to the removal of emotions.

Emotional blocking is hidden barriers that can be made up of a wide variety of emotions. These are emotions that you repress and cannot express, which cause happiness to disappear from your life. What are the symptoms of emotional blocking?

You constantly feel tired and depressed

It takes an incredible amount of energy to hide emotions deep in the subconscious. You may not even be aware that you are doing this, but your body is definitely aware of it. If you can't find the reason why you feel tired all the time, think about when you first started feeling tired or depressed, it might help you discover your emotional block.

You pretend the problem doesn't matter (but it does)

This is a huge clue that your brain is sending you and is literally screaming at you that you have an emotional blockage. If you constantly ignore an issue that worries you and pretend it doesn't matter, these are clear signs of emotional blockage. Take a closer look at the problem in question and try to find an emotional connection.

You are always trying to please others

It's human nature to want to help other people, but when it takes a toll on your health, you need to ask yourself why you keep doing it. The thing is, if you say yes to absolutely everyone, it can also be an indicator of emotional blockage. If you notice that you always agree to comply with all requests, you need to take a step back and stop promising your services to everyone. Especially if this leads to the fact that you start to let down people who were promised something.

You have unrealistically high expectations

A high moral code is good, but if the rules of this code are unrealistic for your friends or family members, you should ask yourself why you set the bar so high. Are you trying to purposefully distance yourself from loved ones? Perhaps your parents always set incredibly high standards for you and you tried to please them?

You can't stop thinking about past relationships

Experiencing breakups and disintegration of relationships, moving on - these are all integral parts of life. But if you fixate on your former partner, constantly follow him on social networks, you always need to know what he is going to do, and you just can't stop thinking about him, then you have a serious problem. There is a good chance that your relationship ended suddenly and without normal explanations, so you need to deal with your partner.

You constantly procrastinate

Do you have several unfinished projects? Do you need to set clear deadlines before you can complete even one of them? Is tomorrow the best moment for you to do something? Take a look at the things that make you procrastinate and see if there are any patterns. Do you keep putting off housework, gardening, work projects? Find a common denominator and try to develop a strategy that will allow you to be more motivated.

You eat and drink more

In order to ignore emotional blockage, many people try to get things done in this endeavor by eating and drinking more. It can also lead to the lethargy mentioned above and also contribute to the development of depression. By using food or drink as a substitute for emotions, you are trying to push those emotions as far away as possible and suppress them even more. Another sign that you are trying to quell an emotional blockage is that you start exercising more.

Why is it important to release blocked emotions?

Suppression of emotions for a long period of time can lead to serious problems not only with mental but also with physical health. Your body suffers when you suppress your emotions, and long-term suppression can lead to conditions like chronic fatigue, arthritis, and even cancer. It also negatively affects your mental state, as your life cannot move forward while you are stuck in the past, constantly reliving, at least on a subconscious level, your old traumas.

Translated from English, the concept "psychological protection" means a system of regulatory mechanisms in the psyche, which are aimed at eliminating or minimizing negative, traumatic experiences associated with internal or external conflicts, states of anxiety and discomfort.

When does such a need arise? Scientists prove that psychological defense as a reaction occurs when there is a real or imaginary threat to the integrity of the individual, her identity or self-esteem. Ultimately, psychological protection is aimed at maintaining the stability of the self-esteem of the individual, his image of the Self and the image of the world, which is achieved:

Elimination of sources of conflict experiences from consciousness;

Transformation of experiences in such a way as to prevent the emergence of conflict;

The emergence of specific forms of response, behavior that reduce the severity of experiences of threat or intrapersonal conflict.

The founder of the study of psychological defense is Z. Freud, who considered it as a form of resolving the conflict between unconscious drives and internalized social demands and prohibitions. His daughter, Anna Freud, saw in the mechanisms of psychological defense and ways to resolve external conflicts, ways to adapt to the social environment. According to A. Freud, psychological defense mechanisms are the product of individual experience and learning. Thus, psychological defense was considered as a process of perception and transformation of a threatening or conflictogenic object. On this basis, about 20 types of psychological defense mechanisms have been described. The main ones are:

- Crowding out- elimination from consciousness of unacceptable inclinations and experiences;

- jet formation(inversion) - transformation in the mind of the emotional attitude to the object to the exact opposite;

- regression- return to more primitive forms of behavior and thinking;

- identification - unconscious assimilation of a threatening object;

- rationalization - a rational explanation by a person of his desires and actions, the true causes of which are rooted in irrational socially or personally unacceptable inclinations;

- sublimation - transformation of the energy of sexual attraction into socially acceptable forms of activity;

- projection - attributing to other people their own repressed motives, experiences and character traits;

- insulation - blocking negative emotions, ousting from consciousness the connections between emotional experiences and their source.

Psychological protection cannot be unambiguously considered as a useful or harmful phenomenon. It allows you to achieve a more or less stable state of the individual against the background of a destabilizing situation, traumatic experiences and contributes to successful adaptation to these conditions. At the same time, psychological protection does not allow a person to actively influence the cause, the source of the destabilizing situation. In this sense, an alternative to psychological protection can be either real intervention in the situation and its transformation. Either, or self-change, adaptation to the situation due to the transformation of the personality itself. The useful, adaptive effect of psychological defense is more pronounced when the scale of the conflict that threatens the integrity of the individual is relatively small. Exploring this aspect of psychological defense, D.A. Leontiev argues that in case of a significant conflict that requires the elimination of its causes, psychological defense plays a rather negative role, obscuring and reducing its emotional intensity and significance for the individual. Consequently, psychological protection has a limited, auxiliary role at certain stages. conflict situations but resolves conflict and does not transform personality.

Are you frustrated by incontinence? Emotions come up at the most inopportune moment and you can’t get rid of them? Then it's time for you to work on yourself. Have you ever wondered how to turn off emotions? This is not very difficult to do, the main thing is to practice often.

Deal with your emotions

Don't know how to turn off emotions? Before thinking about it, you should understand the reason for their appearance. Emotions are a consequence, and it will not work to eliminate it without knowing the cause. How to find the root of the problem that causes so much inconvenience? Control your feelings carefully.

Every time a wave of feelings comes up, whether they are good or bad, note the reason for their appearance. It will take a long time to make such observations, at least for a month. During this period of time, you will be able to collect fairly accurate statistics on how you feel and in what situations. And what now needs to be done with the collected information? Apply it.

Any time you find yourself in a situation that can trigger strong emotions in you, try to get ahead of them. If you say to yourself everything that will happen a second later, it may simply not happen. Feelings are controlled by the brain, and if you make a game out of the process of their appearance, you will soon learn to understand what you should feel, but not experience it.

Learn to go out on the balcony

Working on yourself and controlling your feelings is very laborious. How to turn off emotions and do it quickly? This method is suitable for people who can switch consciousness instantly. How to do it?

In the course of a conversation, you need to master the skill of detaching yourself from the situation and looking at yourself from the side. The moment you realize that emotions are kicking in, just step back. Do not worry and do not give color to what is happening or to the words of the speaker. An imaginary balcony can be a salvation. To learn to control the situation, at first you will often be distracted from the words of the interlocutor. You need to practice the skill of detachment immediately with living people. From time to time, take a break from your feelings and value judgments and look at the dialogue as if from the outside. It will be difficult to concentrate on what you are saying and on your emotions, which will definitely appear in the moment. Over time, such jumps will be much easier for you to do.

Train your imagination

Can you disengage from what is happening? Some people have this ability, others don't. Even if you are currently deprived of it, do not worry, it can be developed. How to do it?

Are you not taking part in the conversation, and it starts to annoy you? Instead of experiencing negative emotions, imagine any picture that you think corresponds to a state of peace of mind. It can be a forest landscape, a sea coast or snow-capped mountains. Take a walk in the imagination in nature and do not pay much attention to the conversation. But do not delve into your thoughts entirely. Some part of consciousness must remain alert. If you are approached with a question, you must respond. But at this point you will already be calm and satisfied. How to turn off emotions? Do not delve into everything that is happening and do not worry. Take care of yourself and your nerves.

Practice meditation

And emotions? To find harmony in the soul, a person must engage in meditation. The practice, which allows any person to clear his mind in a split second, is one of the most beneficial in human life. It is not as difficult to achieve perfection in it as many people think. What needs to be done for this?

The first step is to focus on the breath. Inhale deeply and then exhale slowly. At this moment, get rid of all thoughts. If this practice turns out badly, then count your inhalations and exhalations. Can't concentrate even like that? Take the rosary in your hands. Move the balls with your fingers to the beat of your breath. With experience, you will be able to breathe calmly and relax for minimal amount time. Want to get the best results? Then combine the practice of meditation with yoga. It is better to engage in such exercises in specialized courses. At home, due to inexperience, you can do the exercises incorrectly and harm your health.

morning pages

Wondering how to turn off emotions forever? Do you think it's possible? Even the most cold-blooded people worry from time to time and can even become depressed. How then to be?

You can splash out emotions immediately after waking up. Such a morning ritual will allow you to remain in harmony with yourself throughout the day and not be exposed to excessive emotionality. How to implement the morning pages? Take three blank sheets of paper, sit down at the table and write. About what? Write whatever comes to mind. Pour out your anger, resentment, mistrust and joy on paper.

Your task is to write impartially, do not evaluate your own creation. Your pages do not need to be shown to anyone. This writing will be akin to a personal diary. But the difference will be that you write the diary consciously, and morning handwriting should come from the heart and soul, and not from the mind. You need to write every day and all three pages. Nothing to write? So write that you have nothing to write about. After three lines of repetition, thoughts will definitely come to mind.

Find an outlet

Man is not a robot. He cannot turn off emotions and feelings forever. How then to live? You need to be able to control your emotions and their manifestation. In order not to break loose in public, you need to find a hobby that will become your personal outlet. What could it be? Handmade, sports, programming, drawing, organizing events, etc. Favorite work helps a person to relax and forget about his problems for a while. A person who receives a charge of positive energy and emotions after doing their favorite work will feel great. It is simply impossible to piss off such a person or somehow undermine his calmness. Happy people rarely react even to the most rude attacks in their direction.

Build Your Confidence

How to learn to turn off emotions? Practice self-confidence. A person who considers himself an excellent specialist and a wonderful person will be less irritable and more objective. A self-confident person will be cold-blooded. Look at any famous businessman. Its very appearance inspires peace and tranquility. A person feels such a state within himself. The person may suppress their emotions by withdrawing from them. A high self-evaluation does not allow the psychological defenses of the brain to be broken, and he does not panic every time he hears not very pleasant things about himself or about loved ones. A person who can independently judge certain circumstances and not listen to gossip will go very far.

And why do people deliberately spoil the mood of others? Energy vampires feed on the emotions of weak characters. How do vampires turn off emotions? They piss you off and boost their self-esteem at your expense. Don't let anyone do that.