What do I need to change about myself? How to Change Your Life: A Step-by-Step Algorithm to Apply - The Psychology of Effective Living - Online Magazine. What if I like something exotic? Biblical archeology or wars of the 11th century

Dissatisfied with reality, people often look for answers to questions: how to change life for the better and where to start. If a person wants to become happy, first of all, you should find the cause of discontent and change your attitude to life. Often the root of the problem lies in the person himself, in his negative perception of reality.

Why change life for the better?

Many people do not like the insignificant moments of their boring life, so they strive to radically change it - quit everything, go somewhere, run away, get themselves plastic surgery. Under no circumstances should this be done. There is no need to go anywhere or expose yourself to a dangerous surgical operation with a dubious result just because there is less money in the bank than others, a loved one or beloved does not love, and everything around seems so bleak.

It is necessary to appreciate what is and try to solve unimportant everyday problems on the spot. After all, a new life will present a person with more serious difficulties than those that he has in this moment, and not all of them will be able to cope. There are hundreds of thousands of examples of life failures. Broken destinies, unfulfilled dreams, undermined health, life at the very bottom. Only a few, having abandoned everything and left somewhere, No wonder the people say that it is better to die in one's native land than to seek happiness in a foreign land. You can drop everything and suddenly come only to your parents, and then if they love and are waiting for the return of their children.

If a person does not like something in life, you need to carefully analyze it and understand what is wrong in it. Problems with a husband or wife can be solved with the help of lawyers or the advice of psychologists, lack of money - by searching new job. If a person does not like his appearance, you can simply update the wardrobe and make a new hairstyle.

If an individual lives in harmony with himself, but other people do not like something about him, it is necessary to exclude them from among your friends and not respond to inappropriate remarks. The main thing is to love yourself and not listen to reproaches that destroy the world in which a person is comfortable, comfortable and pleasant to be.

Don't step out of your comfort zone just because someone doesn't like it. All people have been trying to equip a house for years, but only a few manage to live a happy life at least in old age. You should not break, destroy coziness and comfort just because some person dreamed in a dream that it was impossible to live like this. On the contrary, it is possible and necessary to live this way.

It is advisable to agree with the demands of friends or relatives if they ask you to get rid of bad habits, not to worry, not to exaggerate and enjoy life. If there are no visible problems and reasons for concern, then nothing should be changed to please others. If a person has a family with little problems, a job with a small salary, but he is happy, then things are going well for him. The main thing is that the individual himself be satisfied with himself and his life.

If a person does not know how to change his own, it is important for him to understand that it is not his life that needs to be changed, but himself and his attitude to the world. It is desirable to start working on oneself with the transformation of the appearance, the inner world and the space around. No need to go anywhere, drop everything and grab onto a new business. First of all, it is recommended to resolve existing problems, put things in order, only then you can dare to do more.

Psychologist's advice on how to change your life for the better:

1. Change your attitude towards life.

As a rule, a person does not like life itself, but some object or phenomenon. A single unpleasant personality or disorder in the house cannot affect the attitude towards life. After all, it is more than family troubles or conflicts at work. Any problems are just minor misunderstandings against the backdrop of a vast ocean of interesting opportunities and joys that life is full of. You need to look around, open your eyes wider and see how beautiful the world is.

1. Learn to control your thoughts, emotions and actions.

It is impossible to enjoy life if all sorts of sad thoughts come to mind that poison a person’s already joyless existence. It is necessary by an effort of will to slam the door in front of memories from the past, filled with grievances and vengeful thoughts. There is no point in tormenting yourself with negativity, especially if you fail to take revenge on the offenders. It is necessary to live in the present and believe in a bright and happy future, and for this you need to think positively. By an effort of will, restrain the desire to shout at loved ones, utter hurtful words to employees, or hit someone. Every morning you need to start with a smile and a positive attitude.

1. Find the ideal you want to be like.

Dissatisfaction with one's appearance or position in society is based on the fact that a person differently imagines his happy life but cannot achieve it. In this case, it is recommended to choose for your ideal a person who has achieved success, try to act or look exactly like him. You need to turn on your fantasy and imagine yourself successful, rich, smart person. An imaginary picture will change not only thoughts, but even human behavior. It is useful to constantly communicate with your ideal, if a person has such an opportunity. So he will tune in to the wave of success, change the stereotypes of thinking, become the same as the person he wants to be like. By adopting the mentality of the ideal, you can radically change your life.

1. Work on yourself daily.

If a person wants to become happy, it is advisable for him to change not only his hairstyle, makeup, clothes, but also work on inner world. Every day you need to read, for example, articles from the Internet on the psychology of self-development, new world literature, news from all over the globe. Each book is interesting in its own way, any plot captivates the mind of a person, makes him mentally move in time and space to another world. By reading different literature, you can learn a lot of new and useful things. After all, a book is a treasure trove of knowledge. In any literature there is always some useful advice.

You can change your life for the better if you start learning foreign languages. English, German, French can be learned at any age. The study foreign languages perfectly trains the brain, relieves it of sad thoughts, introduces a person to a new culture, interesting traditions another people. Perhaps in the future the acquired knowledge will be useful in some situation.

You can find yourself a new hobby. If a person likes paintings by artists, he can buy paints for himself and try to paint on his own. Some people love to cook. They not only collect recipes from all cookbooks and from the Internet, but also maintain their own blog or record videos of cooking their own dishes.

You can start playing sports. It will strengthen not only the body, but also the nerves. Sports training will streamline life, bring many new joyful emotions. Any sport will improve the appearance of a person. strengthen willpower, change the well-being and mood of a person.

1. Get rid of negative character traits and bad habits.

You can’t just stop being jealous, sarcastic or jealous. Indeed, these and other negative traits character are manifested as a reaction to an unpleasant phenomenon or situation. However, it is recommended to redirect the negative to the positive. For example, instead of getting angry, you can shake the press. If you want to quarrel, you can turn on the computer and write a detective story in which the offender dies a terrible death.

If it is not possible to transform negative traits into positive ones, you simply need to get rid of them. Eradicating negative thoughts from the mind is not easy. However, it is recommended to try this method: put a thin pharmaceutical gum on your wrist, and as soon as jealousy or anger creeps into your soul, you need to pull the gum and release it sharply. A useless thought will be associated with pain. This will quickly transform negative thinking into positive.

You will not be able to change your life for the better if you do not get rid of bad habits. After all, all of them - alcohol, smoking, drugs - harm human health. It is impossible to be happy and sick. Even if alcohol or smoking has not yet brought significant harm to health, they already interfere with a sober look at life, immerse a person in a world of sinister illusions by dulling the emotional perception of reality.

1. Find a profitable job.

As a rule, people who are dissatisfied with life earn little. If you are not satisfied with a job that pays pennies, it is better to first find another one, and then pay off the old one. A large number of offers for people of all ages are posted on the Internet, newspapers, and ads. You can carefully study the labor market, select a vacancy of interest, go through an interview and, after a positive result, leave an unloved job. The truth is, you can't go anywhere. Worse than a small wage can only be unemployment and lack of money.

You can open your own business. True, at first it is recommended to thoroughly prepare. For example, read books on how to start a business, find tips from successful entrepreneurs on the Internet and think of something of your own. Then you need to write a business plan for your business. This algorithm of actions will help the future entrepreneur to correctly understand the economic situation, weigh his strength and take the first steps.

After reading the recommendations of a psychologist, you can begin to act. It is recommended to keep a diary to record personal dreams and actions in it. In the evening, you need to draw up a detailed plan for the next day, and in the morning act according to the invented instructions. So it will be easier to achieve the goal and not lose sight of anything.

If the desire to document every action becomes a habit, it will be easier for a person to manage time and manage to do everything. Gradually develop a love of order. Thoughts will only work in a positive direction, because the negative will lead to an error that will shake the model of life built by man.

The advice of an experienced psychologist will help you change yourself and your life for the better. After all, it can be difficult for a person to independently understand their own problems, part with a traumatic past and understand the causes of trouble.

Helpful Hints

You can't change yourself - it's not even worth trying. Yes, at various seminars and self-improvement courses trying to convince you otherwise. But you should not pay attention to them. Why? Yes, because they are all wrong. At least in wording.

You cannot change. And all your attempts to change are nothing more than the attempts of a thirsty person to keep up with his mirage in the hot desert. In general, it's all empty. Therefore, do not try to chase mirages. Better do something else.

But why can't you change? Yes, because the very idea that you need to change, this is a conditional. This is something you need to do in order to feel better. But you may feel worse.

We bring to your attention the most profound analysis of what we mean by the phrase "change yourself". Analysis without deception and false appeals. An analysis that will give you an answer to the main question - how to change your life for the better and why you should not try to change yourself for this?

Changing lives without changing ourselves

Changing yourself and changing something in yourself are two different things.

Yesterday you did not have the opportunity to read this article. Today you will read it. Does this mean you will change? Both answers - yes and no - are correct. But it all depends on what meaning you put in the verb "to change."

Technically speaking, you are always changing and not changing at the same time. It depends how you look at it. Because your conclusion that you have changed or not changed exists only as thoughts in your head.

Someone might decide that "changing yourself" means making a billion dollars. And then you can spend the rest of your life beating yourself up, and blaming himself for not being able to "change". Therefore, this is not the best use of the verb "to change".

Someone else might decide to "change themselves" by not pouring mayonnaise on fried potatoes. In this example, trying to change yourself looks ridiculously simple and quite doable. But does this mean that such a person has changed himself? Of course not.

We are constantly told that in order to improve our lives - you need to change yourself, change something in yourself. The mistake of this formulation of the question lies in the fact that "to change oneself" and "to change something in oneself" are two completely different things. Take that as a basis and let's move on.

What is change?

There is a feeling that this is just an empty play on words: to change yourself or change something in yourself - what's the difference? Not at all. If you think about it, then in the first case we are offered an empty ephemerality, while the second advice is more like a practically feasible task. An example will help you understand this better.

Imagine a person who constantly lies to their friend, therapist, or former life partner, claiming that he finally came to the idea to change himself and this is about to happen. His promises are imaginary and artificial.

And if this person lied before, and then suddenly stopped doing it, does this mean that he has changed? Does this mean that such a person has completely and irrevocably changed? What are the chances he won't start lying again?

And even if that person doesn't lie anymore, what does it matter? Especially for hundreds of people slandered by this man. The main idea is that we do not know what it is to change ourselves, because we do not know who we really are!

For example, if you get up tomorrow morning and don't do what you normally do every morning, does that mean you've changed? Or will you remain the SAME PERSON who is just trying to do things differently?

And here a very important question arises - who can confirm that you have changed? Or have not changed ... And here is the main problem, which is related to using the "change yourself" construct: any change requires the involvement of your personality in this process.

Can a person's personality be changed?

The need to change one's personality is a false path

When you involve yourself in the process of changing your personality, you become truly emotionally attached to something that is not really there. You easily fall into hysterics, start blaming yourself and others for everything, eventually coming to the conclusion that you are an empty place that is worthless in this world.

Another example: promising yourself that you will change and go to the gym every week is one thing. And it's completely different to say to yourself: "It's time to finally change and become the person who goes to the gym every week".

Saying the first thing to yourself is very easy. You want to go to the gym. And you go (or don't go). The second phrase said to yourself implies that in order to go to the gym, you need to completely rethink yourself.

And it raises a storm of emotions. If you succeeded (which, sorry, is unlikely), you get an amazing feeling that you have become a new person. This feeling will be with you exactly as long as you do not feel worthless again and do not want to "change" again.

And if you suddenly fail, you will again punish yourself morally for your incorrigible laziness. And this is precisely the whole problem associated with the fact that you involve your personality in this process.

If (or when) something doesn't work out for you, you start thinking: "Maybe I'm kidding myself? Maybe I'm not fit for sports? Maybe it's not mine? Then why should I even try?"

As you decide that such inconstancy is a characteristic of your character and YOUR PERSONALITY, you begin to evaluate it in terms of your own inability to kick yourself in the ass and go to training.

You start to hate yourself. And then your motivation is to "change yourself", or in general do something in the near future, disappears. On the other hand, if you succeed, you begin to feel an emotional high, losing your sense of yourself for a period of time.

But soon this feeling of uplifting disappears. And then you have another need to determine new "changes" for yourself, which will need to be achieved. And you again begin to engage in self-flagellation of your personality, trying to achieve these changes.

You become a person again "hooked" on the need for personal change– just like how some get hooked on drugs, others get addicted to drinking, and still others become addicted to gambling.

But here's the most important secret for you - there is no such thing as a person fit for sports. There are just people who go to the gym and play sports.

Similarly, there is no such thing as a very "productive" person. There are just people who often spend their time productively. There is not even such a thing as endearing human. It's just that there are people who don't behave like narcissistic egoists.

Changed human behavior

Changing yourself is just making a different choice

Take care of your true identity. When we involve our personality in the processes described above, when we decide that our worth as a person is determined by how we behaved or what events happen to us, we are overwhelmed by a storm of unnecessary emotions.

And when we are overwhelmed by a storm of unnecessary emotions, we act like the last fools. Instead of this we should take a look at our lives, like a long series of sequences of actions and decisions.

And then we will understand that "to change ourselves" means to make a slightly different choice, make a different decision or act differently than usual. Here's another example for you: imagine a person who hates getting up early in the morning. It's not difficult, given the fact that many of us go to bed very late...

Similar behavior snowball affects many aspects of a person's life. For example, it affects his productivity during the day. Perhaps he often has to sit up at his desk at night.

After that, the next day, this person feels even more tired, being in constant stress. But the next night everything repeats: he is forced to work again at night, going to bed even later than usual.

At the end of the week, such a person feels completely overwhelmed. And then he, to unwind, indulges in all serious, trying to relieve stress by drinking trying to unwind in nightclubs. But this behavior only exhausts him even more - his fatigue will go with him into the next week.

Many of us live this way. At the same time, we manage to do business, build our career. With the help of horse doses of coffee, probably ... It's hard for us. And we, instead of assessing the correctness of such a rhythm, begin to identify our bad habits and our irrational behavior with our personality.

In fact, this behavior becomes part of our personality. And we believe that this is our true identity. And we say to ourselves: "Yes, I am such a person! I can't get up early in the morning, and I can't go to bed on time. I don't need this! Because I can work at night, even all night long!"

And we really can, while we are quite young and full of energy. But as we grow older, we suddenly realize that we can no longer do it the way we could before. There is a problem associated with the realization of a decrease in one's own productivity.

And then, instead of becoming aware of their bad habits, some keep saying to themselves: "I just not built to get up early in the morning" . Or: "I'm just physically not ready to do in the morning what other people usually do".

To think like that is to give up before you try to do anything. We fight ourselves by forcing ourselves to get up early in the morning, go for a run, or make a healthy breakfast. And when we lose this fight, we say to ourselves: "Well, I told / said that the morning is not my time".

And yet, we need to overcome ourselves. And this happens through the understanding that we do not really know ourselves. But that doesn't matter! After all, the most important thing is to understand that doing the right things is right! It is good to wake up early in the morning, start the day with the usual simple things, and eat a healthy breakfast.

To do this, you need to separate your personality from what you do, and just do what you have to do - this is the best course of action. Does this mean that you will feel like you are "made" to wake up early in the morning? Who knows! And who cares more than you?

Abstract your "I" from your decisions, because, most likely, your decisions are not always you. Just ask yourself next question Is what I want to do good for me? If the answer is yes, then just go ahead and do it.

Didn't you succeed? But do you still think it's good for you? Then do it again! Finally, if at some point it seems to you that this is really not for you, then stop doing it. That's the whole secret.

Change what you do but not yourself

Many of us feel like we are mired in certain bad habits. In fact, we are just emotionally "rooted" to the wrong behavior. Take the smoker: he doesn't just smoke cigarettes. His whole personality is built around smoking.

Smoking changes his social life, his diet and sleep patterns; changes the way he feels about himself and those around him. He becomes a "smoker" for his friends and his family. He builds relationships with cigarettes, so to speak, just like people build relationships with pets or children with their favorite toy.

When someone decides to change himself by giving up cigarettes, he is, in essence, trying to change his own personality - change all your habits, attitudes, views, change the culture of consumption. All that was with him for years. Not surprisingly, few people succeed in quitting smoking.

The secret to quitting smoking (as well as the secret to quitting any other habit) lies only in the realization of the fact that the person in which the smoker has enclosed his mind and called "himself" does not actually exist.

This is just a convention. If you want, the usual facade. And it can be enhanced or destroyed as you wish. Because you are not a smoker. You are a person who only chose smoking.

Sometimes we realize that we are thoroughly stuck, that the life that we have is definitely not to our liking. There can be many reasons for this: our relationships can fail, the work we do can get boring, the people we have to deal with can become disgusting, and it can also happen that the thought flashes in the brain like a match that everything that is around - this is far from what we really need.

But regardless of the reasons that prompt you to change, you can start all over again, having previously clarified everything and determined for yourself guidelines and a plan for changing yourself and your life. I sincerely hope that these 15 steps help you get started new life and change yourself.

Step 1. Determine the direction of movement and your motivation.

Your life is always a movement towards a certain goal, regardless of whether you are aware of this goal or not. Your former life, which does not suit you, could be subordinated to someone else's false goal, which contradicted your inner nature, your nature, your desires and your values. For example, you were in a relationship that you didn't really want, or got a job that you were disgusted with, or interacted with people who turned out to be complete strangers to you.

Now you can determine for yourself which trajectory you should move on, now you yourself are the master of your life path. Use the right motivation. Start from "Where am I going?" and not from "Why am I running?". Running away from something is not a useful motivation. Avoiding bad feelings does not solve real problems. Emotions tend to follow you wherever you go. Therefore, you will have to deal with them before you start a truly new life.

How to develop a life strategy

Step 2: Release yourself from the burden of loss or defeat.

Often, serious life events push us to start all over again. Divorce, separation, collapse of career plans, ruin of a business, job loss, health status. All this leaves a serious emotional imprint and can be a source of constant stress, worries, anxiety or even depression. You need to understand that making serious decisions with such baggage is a very dangerous business.

If a life event made you experience deep and strong emotions, then it takes time for everything to calm down. This gap can be reduced if you work through your experiences with the help of within one or more sessions.

Step 3. Explore your life

For the success of your enterprise at the beginning of a new life, it is not enough just to know where you need to move. It is also important to clearly know and clearly understand where you are starting from. Imagine that you are about to make a powerful jump into the water, but you are jumping from a very slippery bank. You spend your strength and energy on a powerful jump, but at the decisive moment you slip and everything goes down the drain.

To prevent this from happening in your story, study your past life (it will also be useful to go through rapid test "Life Analysis"), write down on paper and examine your habits, your past patterns of behavior in different life situations (for example, how you cope with difficulties or react to unexpected opportunities; how much you manage to follow your decisions, etc.).

Surely, in the process of studying your past life and your behavior, you will notice a lot of things that you would not like to notice, which will cause you rejection and internal resistance. But this is exactly what you should pay attention to in the first place.

“The darkness of low truths is dearer to us than the uplifting deception,” said Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin. What is "low truth"?

They are what you know about yourself, but what to know, and even more so to hear from others, is unpleasant. What you drive from yourself. Things that require thinking make you feel uncomfortable. And in general - to grow. Uplifting deception does not promote growth. Ryaba the Hen is a film about low truths. I think that's why a lot of people don't get it.

Why wasn't Chaadaev accepted, why was he declared insane? Others even today categorically deny it. Although he was largely right. But he talked about "lower truths" that caused a feeling of discomfort, which was not customary to talk about. No one has yet been put in a lunatic asylum for "elevating deceit." And for the "low truths" suffered enough. As a rule, it is for them.

And this is not only in Russia - no one in the world needs a frightening truth. It needs to be hidden. So that few know it and do not allow others to see it ..

Konchalovsky A., Low Truths, M., "Collection" Top Secret ", 1999

Step 4. Examine your values

Before making big and serious decisions about what your new life will be, you should analyze your own life values. If you know what is most important to you, then based on your values, it will be easier for you to make the right decisions about how to start a new life and change yourself.

Take a sheet of paper and write down on it everything that you believe in, everything that you consider the main and important in life, in relationships between people, what things make you think deeply or inspire. Look at what you do in life, what you like to do and ask yourself a simple question: “Why?”, “What is it for?”. The answers you receive can reveal completely unexpected facets of your personality.

You can also consider several people (these may be living and familiar people, famous personalities or historical characters) that you admire and ask yourself: what do I respect most about them? Why? How can this play out in my own life?

Step 5: Decide what big changes you want to make

For some people, starting a “new life” may mean a major change: moving to another city or country, a complete renewal of social ties, a change in professional field, etc. For others, it may mean small but significant changes, such as liberation away from old habits or behaviors and focus on developing new lifestyles. Regardless of your desire, make sure you are clear about how big a change you want to make.

Find out what needs to change in your life. For example, is there something that makes you unhappy or dissatisfied? Or can you decide to change every aspect of my life for me, or would it be more appropriate to focus on one or two areas? Remember that change (especially when done without outside support) is always difficult, so start small and work your way up to be successful.

Step 6. Create an image of your new future

Do one useful exercise that will help you figure out what goals and objectives to set for yourself and what changes need to be made. In addition, it will give you the necessary motivation and strengthen your intention to change.

Imagine a certain moment in the future. Let this moment have the exact date and time. Imagine that in this future, you have received the magical power to achieve all your hopes and dreams. You are exactly who you want to be.

Imagine it in as much detail as possible. Who surrounds you? Where do you live? What are you doing? What does it look like? Include as many details as possible to create the clearest possible image. One of my clients imagined that he is a successful designer, he has his own studio, he receives interesting orders from all over the world and he travels a lot to other countries, doing interesting and amazing things (in reality, after a couple of years he really founded his studio and became receive foreign orders).

Now think about your strengths, abilities and skills that are needed to make this vision of the future a reality. What do you already have? What areas need improvement? Be honest with yourself. For example, if you want to be a famous musician, then perhaps you already have musical ability, or at least a love for music. You will also need a stronger mindset to work on improvements.

Using your imagination to create an image of the future, make that image achievable and positive. Obviously, you cannot become a superhero or the owner of any superpowers and super-powers. Here you better think about what attracts you to such a superhero. His desire for justice and defense of the weak? Then you can choose for yourself a profession that contributes to the fulfillment of this mission. Or do you like the ability to make quick and accurate decisions? Then imagine how you should train your thinking to reach that level.

Step 7. Set clear and specific goals

The famous sage Lao Tzu said: a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. And your journey into a new life must also begin with concrete steps. Setting clear personal goals will help you move forward confidently and stay on course to build a new life.

Think about where you see yourself in 6 months, a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years or more.

Set your goals. Make sure they are well-defined goals, that is, they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and have clear deadlines.

Start by defining your big goal and then break it down into smaller ones. Then break smaller goals into tasks.

For example, if you decide that you want to find your own business and make it a source of your income, this is your overall goal. To achieve it, you will need to achieve smaller goals. For example, the first thing you should do is contact a professional who will help you find the case that suits your purpose (for my clients, this service is included in the program «» ), then you need to draw up a marketing plan and conduct a study of the target audience. Examples of tasks here can be: creating a test product, researching people's needs and their willingness to use this product, studying competitors and their products, analyzing the market, etc. You can split these tasks even further, for example, set yourself the task of communicating with potential customers or going to places where products are sold (services are provided) similar to the product that you are going to give.

Step 8: Determine the necessary internal changes

In order for your project of a new life to be successful, you should think carefully about what internal changes you need to make to your own personality. In other words, you need to define who you BE in order to successfully DO what will allow you to HAVE another life.

Let's take a look at what these internal changes can be.

It can be changes in your physical condition. You may decide that you must enter the new life with a new body. You may want to lose weight or improve your physical training, get a more athletic and developed body. Do not forget that excess weight depends on 2 main reasons: slagging of the body and a low level of vital activity.

I recommend that you start by increasing your level of physical activity and do so gradually over time (at least 45 days) to become a habit. You may need the help of a consultant to develop an optimal program and change beliefs and mental attitudes that prevent you from changing your body.

It's easier with change appearance. You can choose your own style or consult with a stylist. Buy new clothes, change your hairstyle. Remember that how you dress and how you look affects how you feel and how others perceive you. Research has proven that when you dress in a way that aligns with your goals, you are more likely to achieve them.

Changes in worldview. This is about the well-known expression "You can take the girl out of the village, but you can not take the village out of the girl." If you do not want to be this most notorious "girl", then you have to work hard on how you think and how you perceive the world.

Think about what beliefs the person you want to become should have, how this person should perceive the world, people, events, relationships. What principles and rules should it be guided by. Explore the list of ,to get about a completely new way of looking at the world.

Change own consciousness- the process is not easy. Force of habit, old patterns and inertia of thought can form the core of your personality. Within the framework of the program «» we do with clients so that a person can see his true nature and found the real I. After this process, any changes in consciousness with the help of any psychotechnics are much faster and easier.

emotional changes. In order for your new life to be prosperous, you need to learn to let go of your past. This includes the ability to forgive. Forgiveness frees you from the burden of past trauma and pain. You forgive others not for them, but for yourself. Research shows that forgiveness makes you feel less angry and anxious. Learn to also accept defeats and losses as part of life, pass them through the "sieve" of awareness and let go. And you will feel great relief.

Change your approach to life using the power of gratitude. Learn to thank life for any of its manifestations, remember that difficulties are on your life path These are trials, not punishments. Accept them as well as all the good things that happen to you.

Research has shown that practicing gratitude makes you feel happier and more content with life; it will help you learn flexibility and adaptability to change; will enhance your physical health and sleep quality, and may help you overcome emotional trauma. Practice the power of gratitude for 5 minutes every day 1 or more times.

Step 9: Rethink your relationship with people

The world is people, and life is relationships between people. It's hard to start a new life if there are "toxic" people in your environment who drag you down. In some cases, it is necessary to "cut" such people out of your life in the interests of your own safety. In other cases, you can simply stop spending time with them, and you will feel happier by removing them from your life.

Interpersonal relationships are critical to your functioning and improvement as a person. Numerous studies show that we strongly influence the people with whom we interact, so when starting a new life, take into it only those people who are important to you and will give you the love and respect that you deserve.

One of my clients, having decided to start a new life and open his own business, faced numerous difficulties, the reasons for which, as it turned out, lay in the fact that his so-called. "friends" were people not inclined to independent actions and taking responsibility. They are used to living a measured, stable and dull life, and by communicating with them, my client involuntarily received nourishment for those parts of his personality that resisted risks and dangers. entrepreneurial activity. In practice, this led to the fact that "business did not move." My client needed a serious rethinking of the role of these people in his life in order for the situation to change and his business to begin to grow and develop.

The following anecdote illustrates this situation very well:

The old devil drowns in hell three boilers with sinners. A young imp is sent to him for practice.

Young Devil. Old Devil teaches him:

- So, look - the first boiler. He must be carefully monitored. The Jews are here. If at least one gets out, he will drag all his own behind him ...

Second boiler. Here you can keep an eye on the lid half-heartedly. The Americans are sitting here, it’s every man for himself, one will run away - it’s not scary, he won’t go far anyway.

You can not look at the third boiler at all. The Russians are here. If at least one climbs up, the rest will seize them and put them in the hottest place.

Clear your space of people:

• with whom you feel empty or constantly stressed
• who constantly criticize or judge you. And you feel like you can't do anything right when you're around them.
• who say bad things about you to your face or behind your eyes
• around whom you do not feel safe sharing your hopes, thoughts, needs or feelings.

Eliminate unhealthy social relations will help you more confidently and many times faster to move forward to a happy and healthy life. Forming a supportive social environment that does not include your past habits is critical to ensuring your success path. Surround yourself with people around whom you will grow as a person and develop towards a new life.

Step 10. Start a New Financial Life

Whether you just graduated from college or have been in the business for 30 years, it's never too early or too late to start your financial life over again. You may want to start saving for meaningful life goals, such as buying a house or a comfortable old age. Or maybe you want to rethink your spending habits to stop wasting money left or right. Or maybe you want to invest. Take a look at your goals and decide how you need to manage your money to get what you need.

Try to get rid of all your debts first. Debts - they are from a former life. They have no place in the new life. One of my clients, after our work with her, got rid of 90% of her debts in less than 6 months. If you have more debt than you can pay, then current legislation allows you to go through personal bankruptcy. Perhaps this will be the right option for you.

Then analyze your finances. Structure your income and expenses, start budgeting. See where you can reduce "leaks" (for example, buying unnecessary things), and where you can get extra money (for example, by selling things that you do not use through the avito.ru service). In any case, keeping a budget will tell you good financial decisions.

Step 11. Talk to people

When you decide to start a new life, talking to people who are already living the life you want can be a very helpful move. This is useful because it can give you an idea of ​​how to get there. For example, if you want to give up a boring boring job and do something that you love and that interests you, then you just need to look for those people who have already done business in your favorite business and, for example, take an interview from them, during which ask about their road map. Perhaps one of these people will agree to become your Mentor on the way to a new life.

You can also ask people about difficult moments that may arise in your new life. You may be under illusions about new career, a new relationship, a new business or a new country. Understanding the smallest details that others will tell you about will allow you to avoid many mistakes and wrong movements.

For example, you may dream of leaving your boring job in Moscow and moving to Bali, where life is paradise. If you interact with people who already live there, you may discover things you don't know about, like how incredibly expensive it is, unfriendly visa policies, health care issues, difficulty engaging in activities that require concentration. Of course, this does not mean that you should not move, but this knowledge will help you better adapt to the realities of a new life.

Step 12: Get Support

Starting a new life can be a daunting prospect. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you and who can help and support you on your journey. Knowing that you have sources of emotional support will help you feel much stronger as you face the realities of your new life.

If you do not have family or reliable comrades who can support you, then it makes sense to look for such support elsewhere. This may be support within interest groups or communities or even religious communities. Go where people freely and openly communicate with each other and make new acquaintances.

Step 13: Test Yourself

Large life changes, which are necessary to start a new life will require serious work, dedication and patience from you. This can be stressful and intimidating. Make sure you are ready for this. How are you feeling? What kind of behavior is acceptable to you? Are you worried about something? Keeping a diary will help you understand your emotions and determine if there are areas where you need more support or need deep work.

The process of serious and profound changes in life can often cause feelings of depression. You may start to feel sad, stop enjoying certain things, feel anxious or guilty, feel empty or hopeless. In this case, quickly and painlessly you can help . Work on this technology allows you to eliminate negative emotional sensations during one session.

Step 14: Make the necessary changes

A new life will not mean that difficulties, obstacles and problems will disappear forever. Starting a new career does not mean that you will never again feel unappreciated or uninspired. Moving to a new city or new country does not mean you will never miss home. When you have problems, acknowledge them as such and do what you need to do to resolve them and adapt to the situation.

You may face a lot of difficulties on your way to a new life. For example, perhaps you wanted to do military career to follow your values ​​of service and honor, but found out that you are not healthy enough to enter military school. You could see this as the failure and collapse of your dream, or you could go back to the drawing board and see if there are other things you can do that will also allow you to express those core values.

Step 15: Work with a consultant

Even if you don't think anything is going "wrong" in the process of building your new life, it can be helpful to reach out to a counselor or personal trainer, especially when it comes to making major changes. The fact is that such a difficult process as starting a new life and changing oneself can contain a variety of mistakes and hidden obstacles that can only be seen from the outside. A good consultant is able to give you high-quality feedback and save you from wasting time, effort and resources.

Another point is that deep personal changes are always accompanied by stress and internal resistance (self-sabotage). Sometimes they are so strong that they give up and lose all desire to move forward. With the help of a consultant, you can work through and get rid of internal fears that block changes. A counselor can also help you learn useful ways of thinking and responding to challenges.

Seeking a counselor is a sure sign that you love yourself and take care of yourself enough to get help when it's needed and helpful, and that's good news. A personality change consultant is to you what a dentist is to your teeth: You fix minor problems and complexities before they become catastrophic.

Start a new life today!

After reading this article, you may decide: “OK, this is all great! I will definitely take these recommendations into account and even begin to follow some of them.” But the fact is that the process of change is a systemic process, where everything is clearly connected with each other and each step affects the other. It is important not to make a mistake here.

Do you want to know how to start a new life in which there will be self-realization, high meaning, activity, motivation, strength, leadership, new discoveries, energy, exciting changes, an interesting game, new horizons, pleasure from the moment you live, a clear understanding of your own path, no self-sabotage and insecurity , clarity of intention and action? And at the same time, you will not make gross mistakes and avoid many “pitfalls”, and the journey itself will take several months instead of decades.

Then . I will give you a solution!

How to change yourself? If you are asking this question, it means that you are already a very mature person. People are more likely to ask the question of how to change other people or circumstances.

Only an adult and reasonable person understands that any changes in life begin with changes in oneself.

It is truly fortunate to understand that managing the circumstances of your life begins with changing yourself.

How to start changing

We set goals

Changing yourself is a worthy decision. But where to start? Before you change yourself, you need to understand exactly what goals you are striving for. What do you want to see as a result of your changes? After all, you can spend a lot of effort, and then be dissatisfied with the result.

The goals that may require changes are very different, for example:

• Make an amazing career.
• To start a family.
• Find health and beauty.
• Get high position in society.
• Create sources of passive income.

But it must be borne in mind that in order to achieve a particular goal, certain qualities will be required:

• For example, the qualities needed to create a family for a woman: kindness, tenderness, desire to take care of children, meekness, obedience, fidelity, devotion. And if a girl sets herself the goal of creating a family, then it will be beneficial for her to change and develop precisely these qualities.
• If the goal is to build a career, other qualities will be needed, such as determination, assertiveness, determination, strength.
• Of course, you can develop all the qualities in yourself a little bit with an indefinite purpose. But with this approach, attempts to change are likely to quickly come to a standstill. Since actions in the absence of a goal do not bring much satisfaction, therefore it is lost to move on.

Therefore, it is very important, before you start to change, to set a goal. Just “I want to change” is not enough to transform yourself. Change starts with choosing a goal. This is the answer to the question: “Where to start transforming yourself?”

Finding role models

The next step in changing yourself is to find people who have already achieved similar goals.

Knowing the end point you want to get to, you can try to find your own path. But we must understand that such a search takes a long time and very often leads to nothing. Sometimes it's like trying to invent your own script and language.

It is much easier to study the examples of the development of those people who were in a similar situation and were able to change it. It is very important that they be able to overcome it successfully. It is desirable to take an example not one or two.

• BIOGRAPHIES OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE

What can be taken as an example? An excellent option - biographies. , in one area or another, sometimes they write books about how they overcame difficulties, how they changed.

Reading biographical books helps to identify personality traits that contributed to the achievement of intended goals through change. Choose books whose authors can confidently say: "I changed myself completely and got decent results."

• PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Sometimes examples can be seen in life. For example, a friend who did not have a personal life for a long time, but then she changed herself and found family happiness.

Or a colleague who at first held a minor position, but then. Watch people succeed in getting what they want. Point out their qualities, feel free to ask for advice.

• LECTURES, TRAININGS

Listening to lectures and attending trainings is also a good option to meet the right people. Sometimes the leader of such trainings is a successful person who is ready to share his experience on how to change. And in the past has gone through great changes.

• PSYCHOLOGICAL LITERATURE

Reading helps you change yourself. However, not all books will be useful.

Therefore, study the reviews and try to learn as much as possible about the life of the author. Not all authors of psychological literature deserve to be an example of how to change.

• RELIGION

If faith is not unacceptable to you, then you can read or listen to lectures of clergymen. Among them are often people who have the knowledge of how to change completely and are good role models.

Learning from someone else's experience

The next step in self-improvement will be to study the experiences of people who have been able to change the course of their lives. By studying their experience, you can systematize it and understand how to change in order to become like them and achieve goals.

Read books, attend trainings, study biographies, collect as much information as possible from other people's experiences on how to change yourself.

Do not rush into the pool with your head. At first, some things may not be understood. That is, there will be no understanding of why this or that thing needs to be done, how to apply it and why it is needed. Do not write off, gradually introduce into your life what is close and understandable.

• For example, if you decide to become a person leading, then starting it right away on Monday, by Tuesday of the next week there is a big chance to quit it.
• Why? Because with the advent of the thought “I want to change,” a person rushes to change everything at once. That is, a newly minted follower of a healthy lifestyle begins to get up at 6 in the morning, do exercises, eat vegetables and fruits, instead of the usual dumplings, quit smoking and skip drinking alcohol at the next birthday.
• As a result, after a few days or weeks, this lifestyle becomes unbearable. The person returns to his old habits. Question: How to change? now he cares much less, there is a feeling of disgust for the changes.
• Studying someone else's experience, join it gradually, with understanding. If you are going to get up early, get up 30 minutes earlier tomorrow. Three or four days later for another 10 minutes. Gradually bring the rise time to the desired. It should become a habit, not a violence against oneself. And before doing something, it is very important to understand why you need it.

Where to look for support and how to stay motivated

When deciding how to change yourself, it is very important to remember that motivation and a strong desire to change are essential companions of progress.

Naturally, the desire to change will rise and fall over time. Sooner or later, the first fuse will pass, motivation will begin to decrease. There will definitely be situations on the path of change when it seems that there is no progress.

There will be situations when it seems that the changes are going completely in the wrong direction, that they do not bring you closer to your goals. Sometimes there may be a strong desire to give up everything and return to what it was.

But remember to say the phrase: "I changed myself completely, I succeeded!" only those who nevertheless reached the end, those who coped with all the difficulties, experienced difficult moments and those who did not give up, can do it.

To cope with difficult situations that arise along the path of change, create conditions for yourself that help you not to quit what you started. What are these conditions?

The right attitude to failure

There will undoubtedly be successes and failures in the process of change. It's important to deal with failure the right way. You don't have to beat yourself up for every mistake.

Failure is good too. Because it provides food for thought and analysis. It helps you understand your mistakes and not make them in the future.

If you are not mistaken, then you most likely do not study. Each miss is fraught with an equal or even greater opportunity. Learn to see opportunities and lessons in failure.

Environment for change

Without a good environment that shares your goals, it will be impossible to change. There are no people who never have doubts. There are very few people who can resist the pressure of others for a long time. In order to survive periods of doubt, rejection of society, it is necessary to have the support of like-minded people.

It doesn't have to be many, but there should be at least one. Since it is the support of someone who shares your aspirations and beliefs that can change everything.

Change progress tracking

• Motivation is lost due to the inability to feel progress. The solution in this case will be - a diary or any other way of fixing the current state.
• Go back from time to time to old records about yourself to see that changes are still taking place.

Possible obstacles

Often a person who declares: “I want to change” and starts moving in this direction is perceived by others with hostility.

Do not worry, with the question: "How to change if others do not support me?" each one that decides to go its own way, to change and develop, faces.

Environment that hinders change

For example, someone in the company has stopped drinking and is no longer drinking alcohol. Usually such statements cause a strong reaction. Because you can't just stop drinking. This requires a very good reason, for example, illness or pregnancy. Otherwise it is impossible.

People around you are usually afraid of change, they do not share your desire to change. Perhaps, if you stick to your path and achieve good results, over time these same people will ask themselves how to change themselves.

But for now, they will most likely react negatively or warily.

Personality traits that prevent change

In addition to people, character traits such as laziness, fear, and indecision hinder changes. Old favorite habits also slow down progress:

• For example, a person takes care of his health, masters healthy nutrition, physical exercises. But then laziness and old habits begin their attack. Eat delicious in the evening, skip a workout.
• Drive such desires away. Create conditions in which bad habits and character traits will be difficult to manifest. Then, over time, you will happily say, “I have completely changed myself.”

Hello dear Friends! I am often asked: “Anna, you are engaged in self-development, you are constantly doing something... And where should I start changing my life?” Of course, I often answer this question in different ways, based on the individual qualities of the interlocutor. There are many approaches. In this article you will find a list of the main 16 points. From what point you start, in fact, is not so important.

What matters is your Intention to Act! Do not think, do not plan, but ACT!

Brief history

Is there a chance for a greenhouse rose to grow in the wild and not break? Most likely, a tender plant will have to acquire good thorns, learn to survive in conditions of a minimum of water and heat, otherwise death threatens. Well, if the flower, in addition to everything else, begins to scold itself for the “not such” color of the petals, not enough wonderful aroma or too thin stems, nothing good will come of it.

Do you get the gist of the analogy? A person without an inner core (or self-confidence) is the same rose that real life will have to fight for their existence, growing sharp teeth. Only the strongest can win, who is not afraid to take risks, to show himself true, who is ready to take responsibility for his life and goals.

Complexes and internal indecision give rise to fear, making a person vulnerable. That is why you need to develop self-confidence. And below we will tell you how to do it right and where to start changing your life!

How to develop self-confidence or how to start changing your life: 16 useful tips

1. We work on external manifestations of uncertainty

We change the image

Take a close look at your image in the mirror and think about what you have long wanted to change, but did not dare? Are you happy with your hair and clothing style? A well-chosen image will not only emphasize the dignity of the figure, but will create miracles of self-perception.

Don't try to change your style yourself. It's not very effective! Seek help from stylists or friends with good taste.

Learning to speak beautifully

What separates self-confident people from notorious losers? The manner of speech.

Hard? Sign up for a speaking class.

Keep your posture straight

When a person slouches, he non-verbally sends signals to environment who speak against him.

Keep your back straight, you will be surprised how much this will affect your well-being and mood!

2. Change behavioral habits

Turn on activity mode

Than to sit in 4 walls and seize low self-esteem a bucket of ice cream, isn't it better to work on yourself?

Sports, travel, acquiring new skills and creative dedication give a great reason to be proud, filling life with meaning.

Making new acquaintances

The wider the circle of contacts, the more influence and strength we have, we can get support for our ideas and opportunities in time.

It is important to learn how to make contacts, build a positive conversation and not be afraid to open up when meeting.

You will find some tips on how to make new acquaintances in our article.

We are engaged in self-education

A good strategy for strengthening your inner self is continuous development. Strength is not only in the muscles, but also in the practical application of knowledge that can be gleaned from books, scientific journals or refresher courses.

Mastering public speaking skills

A good workout for developing self-confidence will be speaking in front of large quantity people - at meetings, lectures, presentations, etc.

Don't be afraid to be the first to speak, ask clarifying questions, or act as a spokesperson for your team.

Helping the weak

A wonderful way to increase self-esteem is kindness and mutual assistance. Don't be afraid to lend a helping hand to those who are weaker.

The generosity of the soul is the real power! Helping those in need, we feel that we are worth something in this life, which means that we do not live in vain.

3. Mastering the basics of goal setting

We define goals and life principles

If a person does not have principles, it is easy to use him, after all, he himself does not know by what criteria to evaluate himself. Decide why you came into this world? What do you live for, what kind of people do you want to see next to you?

We focus on solutions

Instead of whining about how bad everything around is, and how many problems have piled up, it is better to refocus energy on solving the problem. Not "life is bad" or "I'm lazy", but "how to make life more interesting" and "where to get the energy to fight."

Approaching dreams realistically

You can set yourself an unattainable ideal and immediately give up, losing all desire to fight. Or you can draw real goals and slowly implement your plans, each time congratulating yourself on a new victory. The second option has a positive effect on your self-esteem.

Learning to praise ourselves

Do not wait for recognition of merits from the outside, the most important critic is yourself. It's time to learn not only to scold yourself for laziness and failures, but also to praise yourself for your achievements. Celebrate another victory with a trip to a restaurant or a vacation trip, you deserve it.

4. Set the right inner mood

Rediscovering ourselves

To win internal complexes and strengthen weak sides you need to get to know yourself! Start keeping a diary of your thoughts and feelings. Analyze everything that happens to you during the day, look for the roots of fears in the distant past. This will help you understand how to change behavior for the better, become more confident and take a fresh look at the events of life.

Cultivating a personality

Limiting beliefs, stereotyped thinking, living by social stereotypes - all this only strengthens low self-esteem. Stop following the herd, it's time to discover your true self, learn to think independently and act without regard to the opinion of the majority. It makes no sense to try to please everyone, you are unique!

Mastering meditation practices

How good is meditation? It helps to relax and find a state of harmony. The noise of the city blocks the true desires of the soul, the vanity around does not allow us to know ourselves, to figure out where we are moving and what we want. Meditation helps to gain inner knowledge, confidence in your path.

We work with thinking

By changing the way we think, we can change our lives. It is very important not to forget to learn to look at the positive aspects of your actions, to find the bright side in negative things. After all, what we focus on is what we get!

Do not be afraid to change the rules of the game, grow and discover the world anew - this will help you become more confident in yourself, rewriting the book of your life in a new way.

That's all! All the best to you!