How to make friends at a new job. How to join a new team. Introduce yourself and engage in small talk

When you come to new office, you do not know what to expect from colleagues and superiors. While you adapt to the new conditions, you have to stumble upon a lot of pitfalls. You will have to find mutual language with members of a completely unfamiliar group. To make the transition easier and make friends at your new job faster, we suggest you use these methods.

Introduce yourself and engage in small talk

Make sure you're introduced to everyone in the office and put your downtime to good use. Don't sit back and take a tour of the building's corridors instead. Have a quick chat with your colleagues at the water cooler, in the elevator, in the dining room. Ask general questions so that the information received will be useful to you in the future.

Find out the names of colleagues and use them in conversation

To quickly make friends with colleagues, you need to use the technique described in the famous psychological book by Dale Carnegie. A person's name is the sweetest and most significant word in any language. Therefore, find out the names of other employees, and every time you speak, try to use their names as often as possible. This will give you the opportunity to quickly gain trust in the team and leave a positive impression.

Eat in the dining room

Don't stay at your desk for lunch. Step out into the dining room to mingle with other employees in a casual setting.

Go drink coffee

Invite one of your colleagues for a cup of coffee during a technology break. This friendly gesture will be regarded by the other person as the first step towards rapprochement. Therefore, on another day, you can expect a return invitation.

Invite colleagues to go out to dinner after work

The next step is to form closer bonds within the same project team. If you already have a core of enthusiasts working on the same project inside the office, invite the whole group to dinner (sit at the bar and have a drink). In a relaxed atmosphere, you can talk about anything.

Furnish your table

Add personality to your space, put family photos or mementos on your desktop. This will help other people to know more about you and lead to good themes for a conversation.

Find an interest group

In addition to the group or department within which you work on creating projects, you can find employees with similar interests. Find out if your office has a film club or a tourism club. If the practice of spending time together is not common, you can create an interest group yourself. A book club looks like the easiest solution.

Bring pastries from home

Spend the day off creating culinary masterpieces. Treat co-workers with meat pie, homemade muffins or charlotte. Colleagues will appreciate this gesture, especially if they do not have lunch with them. This will provide another opportunity for rapprochement, especially if it is a common practice among other employees to share interesting recipes.

Start a group chat

When common interests are found, start a correspondence in which you and your colleagues will discuss current topics and touch on topical issues.

Be mobile

If you have the opportunity to work from anywhere in the office, use it. Having relocated to a common table or to a large sofa, you will be in full view.

positive attitude

Do not get in the habit of complaining, avoid gossip and office intrigue. Do your best to create a positive aura around you.

Help offer

Even if this is not part of your job responsibilities, offer a helping hand to colleagues who experience certain difficulties in their work. Take the first step before you are asked to, others will definitely appreciate your collective skills.

Politeness

Be polite and accommodating, always say hello and goodbye to other employees. When you re-enter the room with large quantity people, do not lower your head, but smile. Greet everyone you haven't seen, introduce yourself to those you don't know yet.

Language of the body

Give up the tactics of isolation: crossed arms and legs, headphones and chatting with virtual friends through mobile phone. The more physically accessible you are in the office, the better.

Be authentic

There's no point in trying to make friends at work if people don't know your true colors. You should not share confidential information, but you should not be afraid to talk about your personal life and your interests either.

If you found Good work, do not rush to rejoice. After all, there is another very important thing ahead - to find a common language with colleagues. What to do if you were met with hostility in the new team? Will tell about it psychologist Elena Yuferova.

Presenter: What to do if everything did not work out right away in a new place, the team does not perceive a person?

Guest: They don't go to someone else's monastery with their charter. The first thing to do is to investigate the situation. See what is happening, what are the rules, norms, what kind of people surround you, and most importantly, what does your leader want. That is, look around.

Host: If you came to someone's place, and the team is very sorry about the departure of this employee, inevitably somehow it's all blamed on a new person who has come. He is not guilty of anything, but he feels unkindness towards himself. How to be?

Guest: Among your colleagues, there will definitely be someone who will be softer towards you than everyone else. He can become both your friend and your ally. It is with him that we must try to establish relations in the first place. No need to try to make friends with everyone at once, it's quite difficult.

In addition, look at how you behave, you may be showing traits of your character that should not be shown. Calm self-confidence, goodwill and gentleness - this is what helps to establish any relationship.

Presenter: Is there any period during which wariness on the part of colleagues is normal, and when is it necessary to think that something is wrong?

Guest: If this happens for more than two weeks and goes out in a month, then you need to analyze the situation, take certain steps.

Presenter: If some tasks do not work out, you do not really cope with the task that you have been entrusted with, is it worth asking colleagues for help right away? After all, they may begin to gloat that you are incompetent ...

Guest: Understand that a new employee is not required to know everything, especially if the company has its own methods, its own way of solving certain problems, rules, norms that the newcomer does not know.

In fact, all sane people understand that from a beginner to expect some kind of super-efficient solutions in this moment not worth it, and they are happy to help. In general, Russian people love to help, you can always ask for help.

Presenter: If a woman got a job in a team where there are only men, and they are not serious about her. How can she prove her worth?

Guest: This is already rare, of course, but nonetheless. The main thing is moderation, self-confidence and calmness when you work in such situations.

If you were directly insulted, especially if this is group work, if you are conferring, and your colleague allowed humiliating statements against you, you need to respond: “I understand what you want to say, Nikolai Nikolaevich. And I understand why you are doing this. But this will not lead us to a result. We can devote time now to clarify the relationship, but then we will waste the time of everyone else. Let's get back to discussing the issue."

Presenter: Naturally, the question is: if a person came to a leadership position, how can he improve relations with the team?

Guest: Of course, it is necessary to hold a collective meeting where you introduce yourself and talk about your plans. About what you want to transform, what good you are going to do for the company, and how you are going to do it. This is necessary to remove the fears of the team and get to know everyone at this meeting.

It is not necessary to establish your own rules of work from the first days, and even more so, to criticize the orders that have developed in the team. No one will immediately listen to the opinion of a newcomer, but he will most likely ruin relations with colleagues.

If you were immediately met with hostility, do not start to sort things out. Try to just do your job well. And only if after a couple of months the situation does not change, you can seek advice and help from the manager.

No need to impose if colleagues do not invite you to lunch or coffee with them. Better seize the initiative from them. Throw a party in honor of your appointment or invite them to have a meal in your company.

You should not tell colleagues all the details of your personal life from the first days. This information can then be used against you. Tell only the most general moments of the biography. And only having got used to the team, it will be possible, if desired, to be a little frank.

And one more rule - if you have taken the place of the boss, try to keep a distance in communicating with colleagues. Leading people with whom you are in familiar relationships is incredibly difficult.

What to do if the team does not accept you, and there seems to be no way to fit in there? How to build communication at work?

American psychologists have found that labor productivity can directly depend on relationships at work with colleagues. According to social psychologist Norman Triplet, cyclists perform best when they compete against each other rather than against a stopwatch. He extended his conclusion to group activity in general, suggesting that the presence of colleagues can positively influence how a person works. Psychologists Glenn Sanders, Robert Baron, and Danny Moore argue that people are always distracted from their work if they are concerned about the evaluation of their activities by others. And if someone feels like a "black sheep", then this affects not only the quality of the performance of duties, but also their well-being. “Among the causes of work-related stress, overwork is in second place,- says psychologist-consultant Tatiana Shakina. — And on the first - problems in interpersonal relationships. And if their influence is not reduced, then you can earn diseases of the heart and blood vessels..

By her own

« When I used to go to the office- says Alena (25), - I got up very hard in the morning - I didn’t want to go there. At work, I felt completely unbearable - I constantly had to talk to someone, find out something. The boss went forward, and now I write my texts at home: it turns out better than in the editorial office. Individualistic employees can do an excellent job, but they do not really like being in a team and making connections: loneliness and communication with themselves are more pleasant and productive for them. If you come across an understanding boss who will take into account psychological features valuable employee, then the joint work will continue to mutual satisfaction. Western society has met these people halfway by offering various forms of cooperation: individual projects, freelancing, mobile offices. But in Russia, things are somewhat more complicated. “In our country, the “family” principle of work is very common, when an organization, even if employees are not relatives, is perceived by them as a big family,- says social psychologist Elena Rybkina. — AT Soviet times for example, such expressions as “native factory”, “work is a second home” were practiced. They could say about the mentor “he is like a father to me”. And now the CEO can be called "dad". With this approach, a person who keeps apart is considered a “prodigal son”, who must certainly be “returned to the family” and, perhaps, even punished for apostasy.. Of course, if frequent planning meetings are practiced in the team, where everyone participates in the discussion of tasks and projects of each, and in free time employees with families go on excursions and to rest homes, a person who avoids all this will look like a black sheep.
And it’s good if they look at him disapprovingly and leave him alone. However, there are leaders who involve all subordinates in collective activities under the threat of deprivation of the bonus.

Exit attempt. Carefully think over the conversation with the boss and try to explain to him that you, as a specialist for the company, are very useful, and your dislike for social events will not affect labor productivity in any way. If you can't convince the boss, take on some small additional responsibilities - for example, buy theater tickets for everyone. At the very least, look for another job, one where individualists are treated with loyalty.

At a new job

“I have already changed several jobs,- says Luda (23), - and every time, settling in a new place, I dream that I will make friends there, that we will meet, go to visit each other ... But everywhere the same thing is repeated that was at school: I sit gloomily in the corner, and the rest are laughing and talking.” Problems with communication usually first arise in childhood, and then manifest themselves in all the groups in which a person falls. This may be due to excessive pressure from parents forcing the child to play with other children when he did not want to. Or an injury - in the yard they teased because of glasses, hair color or excessive fatness, and there was no desire to be friends with children. You grew up a long time ago communication at work it’s still difficult, also because the skills haven’t been developed: you feel awkward, you don’t know how to approach your colleagues, what to ask, how to smile…
“Actually, they go to work not to find friends, but for other reasons, and you should not compare the official situation with the one that developed at school, where friendships, quarrels and romances were much more important than lessons,- says Olga Gradova, a specialist in management psychology. — You can look for friends elsewhere, but at work it’s enough just to establish good relationships. ” But if in the middle of the day you find yourself thinking not about business, but about whether you will be able to join a company of colleagues at dinner or will have to eat alone again, it will be useful to undergo communication training. There are enough of them now, and a specialist will help you understand how to change behavior at work.

Exit attempt. To get started, bring something tasty to work and invite everyone to try it. Ask a respected person in the department to explain something, praise someone's new hairstyle. But you need to do this unobtrusively: the desire to please everyone can repel anyone. As well as gloomy sitting in the corner - people are unlikely to approach you, because they will decide that you yourself do not want to communicate with anyone.

Relationships at work

“Usually at a new job, I immediately understand who I will be friends with,- admits Karina (29). — Everyone says that it is easy with me, so friendly relations develop almost instantly. But this time, for a year now, I have been feeling like in a song: “There are completely strangers around, they have a completely different game.” The topics that they discuss are not close to me, but they are not close to what I propose to talk about. I don't like them."
AT this case there are different sets of values: it is difficult for you and your colleagues to understand each other. For example, having learned that you most often do your own manicure, your car is inexpensive, and has not yet reached Switzerland, office ladies pour icy contempt on you and continue a fascinating conversation about the sweet life. But it can also be the other way around: the conversations of colleagues seem stupid to you, and they themselves are too primitive, and you decide not to condescend to them, which also does not contribute to building relationships. “It is important to understand who exactly erects the barrier - a person who does not fit into the team, or a team that does not want to accept it,- says Tatiana Shakina. — For a while, fix your own and other people's smiles, a friendly tone, polite treatment, as well as a cold look, an arrogant expression on your face and silence. That way you'll find out who's really causing the coldness. It’s also a good idea to involve friends to clarify the situation - it may seem to the person himself that his face looks neutral when communicating with a colleague, but in fact a negative attitude is read on it.

Most likely, current colleagues will not become your friends. But they usually get a job in order to gain knowledge, make a career and earn money.

And if your company is really able to provide you with all these opportunities, you will have to put up with something. And in your free time, think about what hurts you the most in the conversations of your colleagues. Thus, you can find some kind of flaw in yourself. As you know, what irritates us most in others is what is in us, only we are not always ready to admit it to ourselves.

Exit attempt. If the conversation of colleagues does not affect the sphere of your interests, you can simply not take part in it - one way or another, on professional themes you will still communicate, but you can talk heart to heart after work, with friends. Also note that there may be other departments in your organization, and they have good people.

Who's new?

“I was very lucky at my first job: the boss brought me to the department, introduced me, told me about my colleagues,- says Taya (26). — Maybe it happened because I was 18 at the time and I was very worried. In the future, I had to do all this myself, but I still want someone to be with me on the first day at a new job who knows how things are here - this greatly facilitates the process of joining the team.
Coming to a new job, you turn out to be white
crow is just the default. You hardly know anyone, you don’t know who is friends or hostile with whom, you have no idea if the company has a special routine, and what pitfalls you can expect. In addition, in many organizations, newcomers are generally wary. “A good tactic is to listen carefully to the explanations of colleagues and not be shy to ask questions,- recommends Elena Rybkina. — Take a closer look at the details: is there a dress code in the company, how it is customary to address each other, what behavior is not categorically welcomed, are there any rituals, traditions that colleagues observe. Be friendly and be sure to bring a small treat to your department on the first working days, in accordance with the principle of “registration” common in our organizations. At the table, it will be possible to better understand what kind of people you now have to work with, and try to become your own for them. However, there may be completely different goals - as one of the heroes of Honore de Balzac said, "you need to sneak into society like a plague, or break in like a cannonball." Maybe you just want to convince your bosses that you need to work, look and behave in a completely different way, and only then the company will begin to succeed. In this case, you will have to break into the team like a cannonball and remain a black sheep, hoping that the rest will share your beliefs.

Exit attempt. Even in a well-coordinated team, different people work, and you simply cannot please everyone. Take a closer look at them and try to make friends with two or three colleagues who are close in spirit: they will talk about the procedures adopted in the organization, help you fit in, build communication at work, or provide moral support if you want to radically change everything.

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A new place of work means not only new responsibilities, routines and leadership, but also new colleagues with whom you will have to spend a huge amount of time and with whom you will need to find a common language. Therefore, almost every newcomer thinks about how to quickly join the team.

In no case should you be late for work, because all the attention of his new colleagues will be paid to the newcomer. Do not immediately give a reason to speak impartially about yourself. It is worth remembering that in the existing team there will always be a few new employees because they simply do not know him yet. This behavior of the old-timers of the company is the norm, because people tend to be wary of everything new and see a certain amount of negativity.

At first, you need to carefully listen to what employees are talking about, because it is easier to make friends with the team at work when you understand all its corporate policies. It is best to address management with your first name and patronymic, regardless of how others do it. Only if the leader himself allows a less formal appeal, then one can afford some liberties in this sense, but without going over the boundaries of what is permitted.

Even at the interview, it is better to check with the employer about the dress code in this organization. It should be strictly observed at least for the first time, because it is possible to quickly join the team only when colleagues see in the new employee the same as they are. Here one can trace the use of a psychological technique known to many - copying the actions of people around them in order to please them. It is based on such a principle of human behavior as the unintentional repetition of the behavior of the object that initially does the same. In other words, if you repeat the actions of a person, then he will then involuntarily begin to repeat everything after you.

As a rule, the manager introduces the new employee to the team, but if this did not happen, then it is worth doing it yourself. You just need to be a friendly and open person, since the employee who does not strive to show his superiority over the staff can not become a black sheep in the team. Do not be afraid to ask the old-timers of the office about questions of interest. The only rule here is that the question must be on the merits, that is, one to which it is not possible to find an answer on your own. Silly "why and why?" from a new employee, they only irritate the entire team and make them doubt his competence.

In order to understand how to quickly join the team, you need to carefully look at the behavior of the staff, its characteristics. Perhaps it is not customary to discuss some topics here or drink tea at the workplace and so on. No need to impose your own standards of behavior on employees. In no case should you gossip about someone, because this may cause distrust of the newcomer among colleagues. You just need to become open to new information, show your desire to learn something in the profession, tell a little about yourself.

You should not pay attention to small troubles at the beginning of a professional path in this organization, because it seems possible to quickly join the team only if the newcomer passes some covert checks by the company's employees. These can be numerous assignments, the ability to make decisions without outside help, and numerous tests of intelligence on the part of staff. All this should be treated adequately and with a dose of humor, because accepting a new person into your established team is no less stressful than gaining the favor of your colleagues. People tend to be afraid of everything new and unknown. This also applies to relationships within the company, so you should not focus on some distrust of your own person among the staff.

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Remember the feeling from childhood when you had to change schools and get to know a new class? On the one hand, these are pleasant, exciting emotions, but on the other hand, the uncertainty that you will be able to find friends and become your own.

As an adult, nothing has changed at all. Only now you have to change jobs, but the experiences remain the same. In fact, finding a common language with colleagues is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. The main thing is to prove yourself correctly from the very first day, and then everything will go on knurled. Read about how to do it right in our material.

Hard day

So, let's imagine that the first day of your work in a new place has arrived. In this situation, it is important not to get confused and behave correctly, because, whatever one may say, the attention of the entire team and, which is not unimportant, of the authorities, is riveted to you. The most difficult stage of the job search is already over, now it's up to the small thing - to get along with colleagues. In order for you to be accepted correctly, psychologists and experts advise you to follow a number of recommendations:

1. No delays. Even if your new job is comfortable with a free visiting schedule, this rule does not apply to newcomers on the first day of work. You should show up at the office on time, and even better - a little earlier. This will allow you to look around, find out how everything works and take a breath.

2. Appearance. Take your time appearance, because the majority still meets by clothes.

3. The right attitude. Be kind and good mood. Think for yourself, who wants to communicate with an eternally silent colleague? If you have not been introduced by the leader, no one bothers to come up and get to know each other on your own.

Start with your closest colleagues: introduce yourself, tell us what you will do, ask how you will intersect in work, how certain processes are built. We also advise you to be the first to get acquainted with other colleagues with whom you will intersect in the kitchen, in the elevator, etc.

Read more: 8 Effective Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

4. The desire to understand. If something is not clear, try to ask more questions. This will help you understand official duties, will speed up the dating process and show your professional level and responsible approach to work.

5. Calm. Remain confident and calm. Colleagues will begin to perceive you as well. At first, in a new place, you will work for your reputation, and then your reputation will start working for you. This is an axiom.

6. Expectations. On your first day at work, it's important to agree on expectations from you. At the introductory meeting, find out what results are expected of you in the first week, month, and three months.

7. Tone and style. Be very attentive - pay attention to how colleagues communicate with each other, what topics they discuss, how they dress, what kind of relationship they have with their boss. All this will help you adjust to the new team, understand how it "breathes" and what rules it lives by.

Read more: You are fired: what not to do at a new job

The first day at work is over, but it's too early to relax. To join the team, you need to clearly adhere to the tactics of behavior and not overstep the boundaries. Follow these basic rules:

1. Names. Try to quickly learn everyone by name and use them in circulation. With most colleagues in the future, you will switch to "you", but for now it is worth observing the chain of command.

2. Less advice. None of us likes criticism, even benevolent, even to the point. Therefore, despite the fact that you have a lot of work experience and knowledge, try not to give advice to your colleagues. At least for now. But if you are approached for recommendations, show yourself in all its glory.

3. Gossip. Try to stay away from gossip. At first, it is better not to take part in this part of office life, because you do not know who you will have to communicate with in the future. Work first, everything else later.

Read more: Bad advice: how to repeat the "Game of Thrones" in the office

4. Lunch. The world's leading networker, Keith Ferrazzi, called one of his books "Never Eat Alone." This rule should be adopted in the new team. Lunch break is almost the most best time to build relationships and connections. Look for people with similar interests or professional responsibilities, and very soon you will form a social circle.

5. Great job. And most importantly - diligently complete all your tasks on time. You need to build a credibility with your superiors. If suddenly you don’t have time or for some reason you can’t complete the task, always warn about it in advance and ask for help. So you show how seriously and responsibly you take your work, plus - show that you are a reliable employee.

Read more: How to become an indispensable employee?

If it still doesn't work

Sometimes it happens that, despite all the efforts of a beginner, he never finds his place in the team. Fortunately, this is often the exception rather than the rule. The process of "baiting" new employees even has its own term - "mobbing", which is widely used in foreign publications.

If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in a situation where colleagues are opposed to you, first of all, try to remain calm and try to figure out what you are doing wrong. Although mobbing, most often, is a consequence of the immaturity of the team itself and improper management, the share of the blame still lies with the newcomer himself. Try to communicate correctly, do not offend anyone's interests and follow all the overt and unspoken rules of the office.

Read more: Difficult Colleagues: How to Improve Relationships

In order for you to know exactly what should and absolutely should not be done in a team, so as not to cause the righteous anger of colleagues, we have compiled a list of the most annoying habits and behaviors that will definitely make others look at you like a wolf. Check if your behavior is something like this:

1. Loud music and phone calls right in the office in the middle of the working day.

2. Rude or defiant behavior, mood swings.

3. Your opinion on all issues and an aggressive reaction to criticism.

4. The inability to keep one's mouth shut and the habit of giving away all secrets and mysteries to all colleagues.

5. Creating the appearance of "violent activity" so that all other employees feel, to put it mildly, out of their element.

6. "Office wars" for an open window or air conditioning.

7. Constant stories about their former jobs.