Eleven phrases that smart people never say. Eleven phrases that smart people never say Maybe I'm going to say something stupid, but ...
Every word we say has a special energy. Some phrases are destructive. They should never be said to yourself, so as not to lose happiness and good luck.
People have always been prone to self-criticism. Very often we scold ourselves for mistakes, speak negatively about our appearance or criticize our mental abilities. Such statements not only affect self-esteem, but also destroy our energy background. Thus we lose our luck and feel unhappy. The site site team presents to your attention the 5 most destructive phrases that are forbidden to be spoken in your address.
Destructive phrases that you can not say about yourself
Sometimes the words spoken by another person can offend us. However, some phrases that we said to ourselves can do much more harm, destroy our happiness and good luck. To prevent this from happening, you need to know that you can not talk about yourself. If you avoid these expressions, you can change your life for the better.
I will never be happy. Every person in life experiences moments of disappointment in himself, but this is not a reason to predict failures for himself in the future. If you are now haunted by a black streak, you must try to change this situation. Whatever happens in your life, always be sure that tomorrow everything will change for the better. This statement will only deprive you of self-confidence, faith in the future and the desire to try, and without them we will never achieve happiness.
I am not handsome. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, we certainly see minor flaws, but we should remember that every person has them. Sometimes, in a conversation with strangers, we begin to list them, without even thinking about the fact that our interlocutor is also not perfect. Praise yourself in front of the mirror as often as possible to avoid failure. Think of your flaws as what sets you apart from others. Over time, you will be able to love them and will no longer be so critical of your own appearance.
I am stupid. Of course, our mental abilities may be far from ideal, but this does not mean stupidity. People differ from each other in thoughts and opinions, and if your statements differ from those that the interlocutor said, and he looks at you with a mockery, there is no need to be upset. If all people thought the same way, then life would be boring. If you failed to realize your ideas or your actions appeal to the discontent of others, you should not pay attention. On the contrary, praise yourself as often as possible and always openly express your thoughts.
I won't be able to. When we are expected significant event where it is necessary to prove ourselves, we begin to doubt our abilities. In life, a person very often says that he will not be able to perform a certain action, but at the same time he does an excellent job with the task. However, not everyone can be lucky. Our words can affect our self-esteem and confidence, and if we think we can't do something, then we really won't be able to do it. It is important to always believe in yourself, and then you will find happiness and success.
I am a loser. In the life of every person there are disappointments, and at such moments we feel unhappy. The negative period in life will pass, but your phrase can really make you a loser. Whatever happens, don't say those words. Prove to yourself that you can do it. Believe that in the future you will succeed, and everyone can make a mistake. If you can love yourself, you will become
really happy.
Any phrases have energy, especially if we are talking about ourselves. Scolding yourself in front of a mirror, you harm your energy background. It is for this reason that luck and love can leave your life. We wish you to be healthy and happy, and don't forget to press the buttons and
15.11.2017 07:00
Bad mood is a scourge modern world. For every second person stress and low self-esteem become...
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" Wise people speak because they have something to say. Fools because they have to say something ." Plato
The words we speak can be interpreted in different ways: positively, negatively or neutrally.
Smart, emotionally mature people tend to speak in a cautious manner, choosing words to minimize a negative or obscure response.
Of course, we all said something that we later regretted. Perhaps our words hurt others on purpose or by accident, and we wanted to take them back.
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to recognize, manage and express emotions and regulate relationships. It has to do with the ability to deal with the emotions and experiences of others.
This type of intelligence plays a decisive role in what to say and what to keep quiet.
Here 10 Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Try to Avoid.
Phrases that should not be spoken
1. "It's not fair."
Yes, life is unfair, and that's what adults understand. Perhaps what happened is unfair, perhaps even a blatant injustice. However, we must remember that the people who surround us often do not know about what happened, and even if they are privy to the details, this phrase does not solve the problem in any way.
As difficult as it may be focus your attention and efforts on solving the problem.
You will feel better, keep your dignity, and possibly solve the problem.
2. "You look tired."
The thing is, you have absolutely no idea what is going on in a person's life.
When you say, "You look tired," no matter how well you say it, this makes it clear to a person that his problems are visible to everyone.
Instead, rephrase your sentence or question in a more empathetic way. For example, "Are you all right?" to show the person that you're worried about what's happening to them.
3. "For your age..."
For example, "You look great for your age" or "For a woman, you have achieved a lot."
Chances are good that the person you're talking to is well aware of age and gender biases and may be offended by it.
No need to make reservations, just compliment.
4. "Like I said before..."
Who among us hasn't forgotten something from time to time? This phrase implies that you are offended by the fact that you have to repeat yourself, and that you are somehow better than your interlocutor.
To be fair, repeating the same person over and over can be annoying. Refrain from expressing your anger and try to clarify what you wanted to say.
Just remind the person from time to time.
Meaning of phrases
5. "You never" or "You always"
As a rule, these words are pronounced sarcastically or overly dramatic. Very often they are used to offend someone, either out of anger or contempt.
Justify what the person did and provide details. For example, "I've noticed what you keep doing...is there anything I can help with/Is there anything I need to know?"
6. "Good luck"
Many may argue that this phrase is not worth saying, and rightly so.
But there is a logical explanation for this: luck takes the result from the hands of a person and subordinates it to external influences or chance.
Has anyone ever used their powers to win the lottery? No, it's luck.
Phrase " I know that you have all the necessary qualities"can build a person's confidence better than the notion of luck.
7. "It doesn't matter to me"
When someone asks for your opinion, they do so expecting a constructive response, any response. When you say "It doesn't matter to me," it implies that either the situation is not very important to you, or the time it takes to respond is not a priority.
Instead of this, learn more about the person's situation. If you don't have enough time, suggest another time when you can listen to him.
8. "With all due respect..."
Stop and think about whether the words you now say are really affected by the degree of respect for him?
If you can honestly answer yes, then go ahead. Just remember that the way you speak, your gestures and facial expressions, as well as intonation, will immediately make it obvious whether it is said with respect or not.
On the other hand, if this phrase is spoken on autopilot to cut into a conversation that has nothing to do with respect, it is best to hold back.
9. "I told you"
This phrase is full of arrogance and a sense of superiority. When you read this phrase, you are probably imagining children playing in the playground, which is why it sounds childish and immature.
You warned a person about the consequences of certain actions, and perhaps he learned his lesson.
Find another way to communicate with someone who made the wrong decision without expressing contempt. Perhaps the person needs help that we cannot provide.
10. "I give up."
Although this phrase seems quite innocent, it is a statement that we are not able to overcome something that is right in front of our noses. Maybe it's a terrible boss, a difficult project, or an arrogant employee.
But remember that you are much stronger, smarter, more capable than you think. There is nothing that you cannot overcome. " I can" - this is single words that you need.
There are phrases that you should never, under any circumstances, say out loud at work.
These words have a special negative power. They can make you look bad, whether you're right or wrong.
Remember that the word is not a sparrow. Having said these phrases out loud, you will not be able to return them back and correct the impression made.
No matter how subtle your remarks are, they can demonstrate your self-doubt and work incompetence, which is very bad for career advancement.
You can be very talented, excellent at work, but the above phrases can forever change the opinion of you as a good employee and leave an extremely negative impression. The reason is the strong negative charge of these phrases.
Let's see which of them you have already heard or said personally.
1. "It's not fair"
Life is unfair, that's a fact. Saying such a phrase, you show that you demand the utmost honesty from this world, dividing it into white and black, which is a sign of immaturity and some naivety.
If you do not want to seem naive, you should abandon such a phrase, stick to facts and constructiveness. Interpret events in your favor. For example, if you're interested in a raise, you might say to your boss, “I noticed you assigned Anna to this project. Could you tell us why this decision was made? I think I could also apply for this position. Tell me, maybe I need to improve some skills?
2. "I always do this"
Technological progress does not stand still, innovations appear very quickly. And methods that worked just six months ago may not work today. Claiming that you always act only in a certain way, you show yourself as a lazy person who does not want to learn new things, or a retrograde. It may also lead your boss to ask why you are not trying to optimize your workflow. Even if you always adhere to a certain scheme of work, this does not mean that it cannot be improved.
3. "No problem"
Some respond to gratitude or a request for a favor with the phrase “no problem.” She may seem polite, but in fact she hints to the interlocutor that his case could be a problem. The person may get the impression that he has burdened you with his difficulties.
On the contrary, you need to show people that you are happy to help, especially if it is a colleague or boss. Phrases like "I'll be glad to help" are more appropriate. The difference between the words is small, but the impact can be enormous.
4. "You can ask a stupid question ... / I think ... / Maybe this is a bad idea ... "
The problem is the passivity of these phrases, they can undermine your image of a confident person. Even if you come up with a great idea, its value will be diminished if people think you are doubting yourself.
Don't become your own critic. If you are not confident in your words, then others will never believe in them. If you really have doubts about your own knowledge and skills, you can say: "I do not have this information, but I will definitely clarify this issue and let you know."
5. "It only takes a minute"
With this phrase, you downplay your skills, it seems that you are literally breaking through the work. Except in situations where the task really takes no more than a minute, you should not call a strict time frame. Suffice it to say "it won't take long". Do not give people false ideas about the true duration of work.
6. "I'll try"
The words "I'll try" or "I'll try" make your speech lack confidence, create doubt that you are able to cope with the task. You must take full responsibility for your own abilities. Work requests should be answered with consent or an alternative offered. But avoid the word "I'll try" at all costs: it looks like you're not putting enough effort into the work.
7. "He's incompetent/lazy/stupid"
Avoid disparaging remarks towards your colleagues. You will not receive any benefit from your words. Even if you are right about the personal and mental qualities of a person, everything is already in the know, you should not once again focus on this. And if the phrase is not too accurate, you yourself can be in the role of a fool.
Get ready for the fact that in any job there will be incompetent people, about the shortcomings of which all colleagues are aware. Criticism will work only if you can directly influence these people: help them improve their skills or, on the contrary, fire them. Otherwise, you won't achieve anything. On the contrary, when talking about the stupidity or incompetence of a colleague, you look like you are trying to stand out from his background. Rude phrases will make other colleagues think badly of you too.
8. "It's not my responsibility"
This phrase is too sarcastic. In addition, it looks as if you are ready to perform only the bare minimum of duties in order to receive a salary, but the security of your employment will be in question.
It is better to carry out the instructions of the boss with enthusiasm. Of course, provided that what you are asked for is absolutely acceptable from the point of view of morality, and the request itself is formulated politely and correctly. Only after completing the task can you have a one-to-one discussion with your boss about your position, the role you play in the company, and ask for a review of the scope of work or salary, if necessary. This is how you show your importance to the company. In addition, it will establish a strong, strong relationship with your boss and give him a clear understanding of your job responsibilities and rights.
9. "It's not my fault"
Blaming an outsider or turning arrows almost always ends badly. Don't be afraid to take on responsibility, especially if you're in a leadership position, even a small one. Even if not, try to solve the situation: explain why the task was not possible, offer an alternative solution to the problem. State the facts clearly in your story. Let the authorities and colleagues decide for themselves who is to blame for the situation served.
You should always avoid accusations. Otherwise, others may think that you do not know how to be responsible for your own actions. This creates a negative impression and makes people nervous. They will have doubts about the success of the case, and they will try to avoid working together. And in case of failure, they will try to blame you.
10. "I can't"
This phrase is the twin of the one described above. People don't like to hear that you can't do something. They feel like you don't really want to do it. The phrase "I can't" shows that you won't put enough effort into the work.
If you really do not have the opportunity, skills, time to complete the task, you can offer an alternative solution. Don't talk about what you can't do - talk about what you are ready to do.
For example, instead of saying "I can't stay late tonight," say "I'll be at work early tomorrow." Instead of "I can't do the calculations," it's better to say, "I don't know how it's done yet. Maybe someone will tell me what to do, and I will prepare everything?
11. "I hate this job!"
This is the last phrase that superiors want to hear from a subordinate in the workplace. Complaints about your work and hate speech are categorically unacceptable. Such phrases, like no other, emphasize your negative attitude and can even lower the morale of the entire group. Your boss may think you're a real corporate breaker, executives have a real nose for these kinds of people. In this case, you may find a replacement: someone more enthusiastic and ready to do anything to take your place.
Just remove the listed phrases from your vocabulary, and you will immediately notice a change for the better. Remember that a well-structured conversation can bring considerable benefits. The danger of these phrases is that they strive to jump off the tongue, and for many they have already become a habit. Therefore, it is better to gradually change the very train of thought in order to permanently get rid of negative and uncertain words. And so on until you learn to do without them altogether.
There are phrases that you simply should never say at work.
These phrases have a special power: they have an inexplicable ability to put you in a bad light, even if your words are the ultimate truth.
And, worst of all, the word is not a sparrow, there will be no turning back after their pronunciation.
Often these are just subtle remarks that make us appear incompetent and insecure, and do the most damage.
Regardless of how talented you are and what your main merits are, there are certain phrases that forever change the opinion of other people about you, and at the same time create a negative halo around you forever. These phrases are so charged with negativity that they can ruin your career in no time.
How many of these phrases have you already heard in your office?
1. "It's not fair"
Everyone knows that life is not fair. By saying that something is dishonest, you show that you think life should be fair, which in turn makes you look immature and naive.
If you don't want to make yourself look bad, you should always stick to the facts, stay constructive, and keep your own interpretation of events out of the way. For example, you might say, “I noticed that you assigned Ann to a big project that I had high hopes for. Could you tell me what influenced your decision? I would like to know why you decided that I am not the best choice for this position so that I can somehow improve my skills.
2. "We've always done it this way"
Technological change happens so quickly that even a process that was fine-tuned six months ago may not be relevant today. Saying that something has “always been done this way” not only makes you sound like a slacker and change fighter, but it can cause your boss to question why you don’t try to improve workflows yourself. If you really have always done things in the same way, then there is always a way to make them even better.
3. "No problem"
When someone asks you for a favor or thanks you for something and you tell them "no problem," you're implying that their request might be a problem. This phrase makes people think that they somehow loaded you.
You, in turn, should demonstrate to people that you are happy doing your job. Say something along the lines of "Glad to help" or "Would love to help with this." It's just a thin line in language, but it has a huge impact on people.
4. “I think…/This might be a bad idea…/I’ll ask a stupid question….”
These overly passive phrases constantly reduce your credibility in the eyes of other people. Even if these phrases accompany some great idea, others will think that you lack confidence, which means people will not be able to be confident in yourself.
Don't be your own worst critic. If you yourself are not confident in your words, then no one else will be confident in them either. And, even if you really don’t know something, say: “I don’t have the necessary information right now, but I will definitely clarify this question and let you know about it.”
5. "It only takes a minute"
By saying this, you downplay your own skills and give the impression that you are breaking through work tasks. Unless the task actually only takes you 60 seconds, feel free to say that the job won't take long, but phrase it in a way that people don't think the task can be completed before you need time in reality.
6. "I'll try"
Just like the word “think”, “will try” makes you sound cautious, as if you lack confidence in your own ability to get the job done. Take full responsibility for your abilities. If you are asked to do something, agree to do it or offer an alternative, but never say you will try as it will sound like you won't try hard.
7. "He's lazy/incompetent/stupid"
You definitely won’t get any benefit from a disparaging remark towards a colleague. If your remark is accurate, then everyone will know about it anyway, so there is no point in pointing out obvious things once again. If your remark is not too accurate, then you run the risk of becoming a fool yourself.
There will always be rude and incompetent people in any workplace, and it is likely that other colleagues will think the same about them. If you do not have the opportunity to help them improve or fire them, then you will not achieve anything by speaking out loud about their shortcomings. Voicing your colleague's incompetence from the outside looks like an attempt to seem better yourself against his background. Your rudeness will inevitably lead to the fact that other colleagues will begin to think negatively about you.
8. "It's not on my to-do list."
This often sarcastic phrase makes you sound like you're only going to do the bare minimum to get your wages, which will negatively impact your workplace safety.
If your boss asks you to do something that is not part of the list of duties of your position (if, of course, this request is morally and ethically acceptable), then the best solution is to perform this task with enthusiasm. Then set up a meeting with your boss where you offer to discuss your role in the company and ask if your personal to-do list should be updated. In this way, you are very likely to avoid making your role look too small. In addition, this scenario will allow you and your boss to establish a long-term understanding of what you should and should not do in your current position.
9. "It's not my fault"
Blaming someone is almost always a bad idea. Be responsible. If you hold any position - even the smallest one - if something goes wrong, take responsibility for it. If not, then offer a solution to the problem, explain what exactly happened wrong. Stick to the facts and let your bosses and colleagues decide for themselves who to blame for the situation.
The moment you start blaming someone else, people around you start to see you as someone who lacks the ability to take responsibility for their own actions. This makes people even more nervous. Some people will try not to work with you when they get the chance, while others will strike first and blame you if something goes wrong.
10. "I can't"
"I can't" is the cousin of "it's not my fault". People don't like to hear that you can't do something because they think you just don't want to do it. By saying "I can't" you are saying that you will not try your best to get the job done.
If you really cannot do something because you lack the necessary skills, then you need to offer an alternative solution to this problem. Instead of saying what you can't do, say what you can do.
For example, instead of saying "I can't stay late today," say that you can come early tomorrow. Instead of "I can't do these calculations," say, "I don't know how to do this kind of analysis yet. Do we have anyone who could tell me how to do this correctly?”.
11. "I hate this job"
The last line no one wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. By voicing such a thought, you demonstrate that you are a negative person, which, in turn, reduces group morality. Bosses are quick to spot these disruptors of group morale and know they can always be replaced by more enthusiastic people who are now looking for work.
Summing up
One has only to remove these phrases from your vocabulary as you will immediately feel the benefit of this solution. The main problem with these phrases is that they strive to jump off your tongue absolutely imperceptibly, so you should catch yourself on such thoughts in time until you finally get into the habit of completely refusing to express them.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the noted co-author of the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founder of TalentSmaer, the world's leading emotional intelligence testing and training company serving more than 75 percent of the Fortune 500 companies. His best-selling book has been translated into 25 languages and is available in over 150 countries. Dr. Bradbury has contributed to Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.
Travis Bradberry, LinkedIn
- Career and Self-development
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“Wise people speak because they have something to say, and fools because they have to say something” (c) Plato
“Wise people speak because they have something to say, and fools because they have something to say”
Plato
Absolutely everything you say can be interpreted in 4 ways: positive, negative, neutral and unclear Smart and emotionally mature people speak consciously and clearly, and also choose the right words to minimize negative reactions.
However, each of us has ever said something that we later regretted. Our words can hurt another person, whether we want it or not.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability of a person to recognize, control and express their emotions, and to treat others with an open mind and empathy. The level of a person's EI can be determined based on how others perceive what he says.
Moreover, it is this type of intelligence, and not at all IQ, that plays an important role in what a person decides to say and what not to say. Emotional intelligence is directly related to social awareness - the ability of a person to understand the emotions of others. In other words, our ability (or inability) to show empathy.
In order to no longer suffer from unpleasant thoughts and feelings after you have said something without thinking, you need to understand what exactly you should never say out loud in public.
Here are actually those 10 phrases that an emotionally mature person will never say:
1. "It's not fair!"
Life itself is unfair and adults understand this. What happened may be monstrously unfair, but talking about it will not help you solve the problem.
No matter how difficult it may be, focus all your attention and efforts on finding a solution. You will immediately feel better, retain your dignity and perhaps even solve the problem itself.
2. "You look tired"
Remember: we have no idea what is really going on in a person's life, and such phrases make it clear that everyone around knows about his problems.
Instead, try adding some empathy to your words. For example, the question "Are you all right?" will show the person that you really care and you care about him.
3. “For someone your age, you…” and similar phrases
This includes phrases such as: "You look good for your age" or "As a woman, you have managed to achieve a lot."
Unfortunately, in our time there is still discrimination based on age and gender. Most likely, having heard such a phrase from you, your interlocutor will catch a note of prejudice in it and be offended.
No need to add any comparisons, just compliment the person.
4. "Like I said..."
We all sometimes forget about something said by ourselves or others. This phrase implies that you feel insulted because you have to repeat something again, and also that you put yourself above your interlocutor.
To be honest, it’s not very pleasant to repeat the same thing over and over to the same person. Do not show your annoyance and instead try to express yourself more clearly and understandably.
5. “You never…” or “you always…”
Very often, such phrases are spoken insincerely and overly dramatically. Thus, a person tries to offend his interlocutor out of anger or disrespect.
Try to justify the actions of your interlocutor and stick to specifics. For example: “I noticed that you continue…. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
6. "Good luck!"
At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this phrase.
However, if you look deeper, you can understand the following: luck implies that success will not depend on a person at all, but on a lucky chance. Do people use their abilities to win the lottery? No, it's just luck.
Most people use this phrase with good intentions, but this does not prevent others from interpreting it in completely different ways. Instead of wishing good luck, encourage the person with “I know you can do this” or “You will definitely succeed.” In this way, you will strengthen his self-confidence much more than just wishing him luck.
7. "I don't care"
When your interlocutor tries to get your opinion, he expects from you a constructive response or, in extreme cases, at least some kind of response. By answering that you don’t care, you let your interlocutor understand that you don’t consider his question important and don’t want to waste your time on it.
Instead, try to understand your interlocutor. If you are busy, arrange a time when you can talk normally and listen to each other.
8. "With all due respect..."
Does what you are going to say after this phrase really reflect your degree of respect for the interlocutor? If yes, continue. Most importantly, don't forget that your words, body language, and intonation will give you away and show if you're really showing respect.
On the other hand, the unconscious use of this phrase to enter into a conversation or discussion will have nothing to do with your respect, so next time try to refrain from it.
9. "I told you so"
This phrase is simply impregnated with disrespect and superiority, and also sounds childish and immature. No adult self-respecting person will ever utter it.
Each of us at least once in our lives warned others about possible consequences their actions and in some cases, you may have been right.
When communicating with a person who has made a mistake and made the wrong choice, try to avoid phrases that may sound contemptuous. It may well be that this person needs help that you are simply not able to offer him. Consider it all possible options and think before you say something.
10. "I give up"
This phrase may seem harmless at first glance, but by saying it, you agree that you are not able to cope with anything. It can be problems with the boss or colleagues, a difficult task / project, and much more.
Most importantly, do not forget that you are much stronger / smarter / more capable than you yourself think. There is absolutely nothing you can't handle. “I can do it” are the only words you need to say in a difficult situation.
Don't lose faith in yourself.
