How to develop communication. Development of communication skills. Recognize the emotional content of words by training the muscles of the middle ear
The life of modern man is closely connected with interpersonal communication. Men and women cross daily at work, in a store or a sports club. But what to do when you are closed and do not know which side to approach, wanting to start a conversation? Only outcasts can live in an empty apartment without maintaining contact with anyone, so it is important to be able to find mutual language with other people.
Ways to achieve effective communication
Eye contact
It is easy to win the trust of the interlocutor if you look him in the eyes during the conversation. Do not look away to the left and up, this sign indicates disinterest. If you look down and look to the right, the friend may think of a possible catch.
The ideal option is to look at the brow area of the person you are in contact with. This technique is used by sales managers, wanting to "suck in" the goods. If at the same time the interlocutor looks at you, it will seem to him that you are looking into the eyes. It turns out a kind of optical illusion, use it.
Confidence is an undeniable trump card
Confident people can be seen from afar, they are characterized by a proud posture, a direct look and a high head. You want to communicate with such a person, he does not use a long prelude before starting a conversation, but immediately goes to the point. Be a confident interlocutor, so you will have an undeniable trump card up your sleeve!
Show your reliability and determination, attract others with these qualities. Such personalities leave an indelible impression in the soul of newly-made friends and do not suffer from a lack of attention.
"What's in a name…"
At the first meeting with a person, ask what his name is. It is important to remember that there is no sweeter song for the ears than the sound own name. Address the listener in this way. If third parties have joined the conversation and you decide to tell a story that includes the name of an acquaintance, do not use the pronouns “he” or “she”.
Try to associate the companion's name with positive emotions. Share funny life stories, smile sincerely, tell jokes. Solar personalities illuminate all who are in contact with them. Radiate positivity and energy!
genuine interest
Agree, it’s not interesting to listen for hours on end as a guy or a girl talks about their life without showing interest in your direction. Such individuals are rightfully considered egoists, do not consider yourself one of them. Show interest, be interested in life and do not burden others with your own troubles. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.
Let the person join the conversation, and then the conversation will take its course. Eastern wisdom says: "Say once, the other two - listen!". Stick to the great gurus of philosophy so that you don't get stuck in a traffic jam for a long silence, which is formed when two selfish persons meet.
Who doesn't risk...
... loses positive emotions. Advice goes hand in hand with confidence. People experience fear, wanting to ask again or ask a question of interest. They mistakenly believe that they will be rejected or humiliated, but this is far from the case. A situation of this kind occurs due to the alleged failure of the listener, who considers himself unworthy of the interlocutor.
Do not be afraid of rejection, analyze what has been said, ask relevant questions, express an opinion and give advice! Do not let emotions take over self-esteem, maintain dignity in any circle of people, regardless of the situation.
"Mirror" effect
Gesticulation emphasizes the spoken words, facial expressions characterize them. The two points are inextricably linked. Do not try to remove your hands when talking, such a sign will look unnatural. Excessive waving is also undesirable, the interlocutor may mistake the action for nervousness.
Be calm, do not fold your arms over your chest, this technique means closeness. Stand straight, bend your hands with boats and join your hands. Also, you do not need to clench your fists, keep your palms open, only in such ways you can win over those around you to your own person.
The greatest minds in the United States have proven the effectiveness of communication using the "mirror" method. The method consists in repeating the movements of the interlocutor and copying the intonation of his voice. However, do not do this like a parrot, the movements should be soft, inconspicuous and as similar as possible. Psychologists say that the "mirror" brings people together and helps them open up.
Knowledge is power
Read books, watch interesting programs and topical films. Stay up to date, it's nice to communicate with a comprehensively developed person who knows how to keep the conversation going. Such personalities win universal recognition and are erected on a pedestal of respect.
Try to join the company in the first hour of communication, create topics for discussion, draw others into the conversation. Do not hide your knowledge, but do not be too clever, so as not to alienate others.
Relevance of the questions asked
Avoid pauses in communication that will embarrass both sides of the conversation. When contact is just being established and people are not yet accustomed to each other's company, it is important to create the right atmosphere for further manipulations. The interlocutor said that he was going to the country at the weekend? Great, ask him how far it is and if fishing is welcome there. Do not answer memorized “I see”, this statement will mislead anyone.
Avoid questions that can only be answered in one word. Ask in such a way that the other side is forced to answer in detail. There is no need to throw a person with a number of questions, be interested measuredly and “in the subject”. If we are talking about construction, the automotive section will be out of place.
Correct wording of ideas
Did you suddenly have an idea? Do not rush to share it, think carefully about what you are going to say. Express yourself in understandable phrases, do not jump from one place to another, adapt people to your thought. The people around are not psychics, they do not always understand what is at stake, although they nod their heads in response. As mentioned above, "coaxing" comes from being afraid to ask or not wanting to listen.
Keep the story interesting, not monotonous, so that you want to know the continuation. It is important to realize that everyone has their own idea of what is told. You imagined white sand and a blue ocean, and the interlocutor saw only shells and algae on the shore. Formulate your own thoughts, intriguing and fueling the interest of the public.
Openness is not a vice
Be honest and open, do not create misunderstandings due to inconsistencies. Share your personal life, but within reason. Choose “not closed” information for the narrative. When a man or woman cheats, the truth soon comes out and spoils friendly relations.
Now it is important to create that inextricable connection between opponents, because of which you will meet again for a cup of coffee. Open people quickly make friends, but they are also often betrayed. Look at the situation, if the interlocutor does not inspire confidence - do not share the secret.
Openness is associated with decency and honesty - two qualities of a business person. As a rule, girls are more relaxed, and with a bottle of good wine, their tongue is completely unleashed. Guys in this regard are more difficult, they do not share experiences with the first person they meet.
Personality is determined not only by opinion, strength of character and the desire for more, but also complexes, fear and shyness. What to do when the break in communication was so long that a barrier formed? Let's talk about everything in order.
Absence common themes
Don't know what to talk about? There are a number of common topics that will pave the way for further conversation. Discuss the latest in the film industry, popular sports, world news, and finally the weather and nature. When communicating on the above topics, you do not need to have astronomical knowledge.
Intrigue and gossip
Are you relaxing in the company, and a girl pesters you with conversations, about whom those other rumors are circulating? Do not succumb to provocations, "hammer" the gossips and envious people. Cultivate a useful quality - to judge a person based on your own convictions, and not on long tongues chatting behind your back.
adrenaline rush
The interlocutor is talking utter nonsense? Do you start arguing and proving that you are right? Stop. You need to be able to cope with the storm that destroys further communication. Get out in the fresh air, catch your breath.
It does not matter what the true motives of behavior are - discord with her husband or the departure of a girlfriend. Don't take your anger out on others by embarrassing yourself. You will say nasty things to your interlocutor, for which you will later suffer remorse.
It is difficult for closed personalities to step over themselves and say a couple of phrases to maintain a conversation. However, communication skills are just as important as the ability to write and read. Experts have developed a number of recommendations with which you will get off the ground.
imaginary conversation
As ridiculous as it sounds, talk to the furniture. Tell the closet how you spent the day and what you ate for lunch. Sociologists talk about the effectiveness of the procedure, because it is much more difficult to communicate with inanimate objects than with people. Try to build sentences coherently and interestingly. If the idea seems absurd, get a pet and interact with it.
Sweet praise
Pay attention to the personal qualities of the interlocutors, praise their skills. Did you like your colleague's blouse? Feel free to tell. Did you make excellent coffee in the cafe? Do not skimp on a sincere compliment. Words must come from the heart so that people believe you.
Chatting with random people
Set a goal to talk to strangers every day. Are you going to the grocery store? Chat with the saleswoman about the freshness of the product. Can't find the right street? Ask your grandmother for directions at the bus stop. Greet the concierge and smile. The method is effective, despite its simplicity. He will eradicate the fear of starting a conversation first.
Interaction with others is an integral part of everyday life. Real communication skills come with practice. Delve into your opponent's stories, ask questions, and be sincere. Use exercises to improve communication skills, overcome all sorts of barriers and fight emotions. Address the interlocutor by name, join the team and become the soul of the company!
Video: how to learn to communicate with people
Why are some people able to find a common language in a matter of minutes without any problems and win the trust of complete strangers, while others are unable to negotiate even with their relatives? The answer to this question is one: these people have different communication skills.
One of the most powerful and at the same time simple ways to improve your communication skills can be summed up in just one phrase - be a good listener.
The ability to listen lies in the fact that you do not just close your mouth so that your interlocutor has time to insert a few phrases. You must really carefully and interestedly listen to other people's words. This will not only help you connect, but is also a great way to show respect for the other person.
When people feel this attitude towards themselves, it immediately changes the atmosphere of your relationship. Just remember how great you felt when someone listened intently to you while you enthusiastically talked about an important event for you.
All people want to be heard. By giving them this opportunity, you will immediately make many friends. Just don't pretend: follow the story, ask clarifying questions, respond to key points. Sometimes it is not so easy, especially if your interlocutor does not shine with oratory skills.
In addition to listening, there are a few other tips you can use to improve your communication skills.
1. Never interrupt
This shows a real lack of respect. By interrupting someone, you are clearly signaling: “I don’t care what you say, I have much more important things to say.”
2. Never finish someone else's sentence
Yes, human thought is far ahead of the possibilities of speech, and sometimes one wants to help the interlocutor express his thought. By doing this, you will not help, but show your doubts about the mental and oratory abilities of a person and cause only a feeling of annoyance in response. So it's better to bite your tongue at such moments.
3. Paraphrase
If you want to show that you really understand someone, then simply repeat the key point of the interlocutor. Before agreeing to anything or protesting, just fix your understanding of what you heard. Half the misunderstandings in the world are due to people thinking one thing, saying another, and listening to a third.
4. Listen actively
As noted above, your activity as a listener is of particular importance. Show your interest in the story, give a response to the narrator, and the gratitude of the interlocutor will not take long.
5. Maintain eye contact
Do not look away at extraneous things, but focus on the speaker. Looking the other person in the eye will tell them that you are interested in their story. Stop all your activities and try not to be distracted.
The complex process of establishing and developing relationships between people.
Throughout our lives, we communicate with different categories of individuals: by age, by position in society, by professional skills. Thanks to communication, we exchange information, gain useful experience, learn to listen and be understood by others.
It turns out that the ability to communicate with people is a big science. Depending on who we have to face, we must learn how to communicate in different situations. For example, negotiations during a business meeting will be very different from a conversation with relatives and friends - content, emotional color, time.
The ability to communicate with people is very important in modern society. In any team there are individuals of different character and beliefs, and it is important that communication has a positive connotation and brings joy and pleasure. From birth and throughout life, our exchange of information with others continues. Words always help to present information, to interpret thoughts. But the main thing is that our speech should win over the interlocutor and be understandable.
Introverts are silent and it is quite difficult to communicate with them. They are quiet and rather closed, they hide their victories and experiences deep inside. Maintaining a conversation with introverts is quite difficult, but learning is quite possible.
Sometimes we have to communicate with people with whom we do not like to talk. How to communicate with unpleasant people, with those who cause negative emotions and even irritate? It can be enough to simply avoid common topics with such people. However, because often the topic is related to professional activity. Therefore, the most important advice is to try to speak calmly and with restraint, while not showing emotions. Always try to find in such communication, and in the interlocutors themselves positive sides. Your tactics will definitely lead to a good result.
If you need to discuss business matters, and this is inevitable, your tone should be formal and correct. The topic of negotiations should be related to professional issues. Addressing a colleague as “You”, clear questions and answers, and a working atmosphere will help you. The main thing to remember is that a person you don’t like is just an employee at work who has his own point of view and is not obliged to like you.
There is also a conversation with an unpleasant relative. Such communication is often unavoidable. Try to ignore the conversation as much as possible, or even better, joke about an unpleasant topic. Calmness and balance with an unpleasant relative will become your trump cards.
How to stop talking to someone
Often we need positive and even negative experiences, because that's how we learn. But sometimes it becomes necessary to stop communicating with a person. Before you decide to do so, consider whether it is worth it. Perhaps it is worth taking a short timeout, and you will understand yourself and the reasons for such an act. Do not immediately stop talking, and then regret it.
The ability to communicate with people comes with experience. It is never too late to learn to understand a person and respect his thoughts and feelings. Become more open and sociable.
I introduced you to the TOP 3 skills that recruiters look for in applicants first of all. I promised you to elaborate on the study of each skill separately and give advice on their development and development. As you can see, I'm not wasting words. Meet - Skill #1 - the undisputed leader in the ranking of all employers: communication.
How to develop communication skills?
“There are three mistakes in human communication:
The first is the desire to speak when it is better to remain silent.
The second is the unwillingness to speak when it is impossible to be silent,
The third is the tendency to speak without paying attention to the listeners" (Confucius).
Why is communication skill so highly valued by employers?
Strong communication skills make employees more productive and more efficient. When you are able to communicate well and establish contact the first time, it saves you a lot of working time, which would otherwise be spent on clarifying, answering questions, distorting information, misinterpreting information received, correcting errors, etc.
Excellent communication skills distinguish a good employee from an ordinary one. At the very least, the presence or absence of these skills is critical to career advancement or not. Without mastering the skill of communication, your career can suffer greatly. These skills can be crucial when passing a probationary period at a new job. In the article: you will find tips for establishing contact with new colleagues and the boss.
Communication skills also play a key role in getting new job. After all, your ability to communicate will be immediately visible both on your resume (writing skills) and during an interview (oral communication skills). Be sure to include examples of your communication skills, both on your resume and in your first interview, as they serve as a selection indicator and a pass to the second round of the interview.
sample questions, which may be asked at an interview to test communication skills:
- with whom you had to communicate?
- Recall a time when you were asked to speak or prepare a presentation at the last minute. What were your actions?
- Give an example where you had to present complex information in a simplified way to explain it better.
- What ways/techniques/methods do you use to convince colleagues of your point of view? Give an example of when the majority of employees agreed with your opinion and what actions helped you achieve this?
While we all have some communication skills, some people manage to become good conversationalists, while others have a hard time communicating. I have met many qualified candidates who are unable to get a job due to poor communication skills. When they come to me for interview preparation courses, I can immediately identify their strengths and weak sides. And the first thing that catches your eye is the presence of formed communication skills or their complete absence. In fact, even if you're not perfect at communication skills, you can build and work on developing them in the future to achieve your career goals.
Tips: How to develop communication skills on your own
If communication, verbal or written, is your Achilles heel (weak point), I have good news for you: communication skills can be developed and anyone can master them. To start, remember main tasks of communication:
- To set up a contact
- express/express yourself
- Listen to the other and confirm that you understand him
- Persuade your point of view
- Get Feedback
The following tips will help you develop your communication skills without professional help:
Eyes to eyes
Many people find it difficult to maintain eye contact, but it is necessary. This shows that you are a confident, attentive and friendly conversationalist. That's what recruiters are looking for. If you can't maintain eye contact, it characterizes you as a shy and insecure person who has something to hide.
Practice
I recommend to train the frequency and time of circulation - look-look. You have to learn to look eye to eye longer than usual. Perform the following exercise daily for 2.5 - 3 seconds: look into the eyes in order to discern the color of the eyes of your interlocutor. To start, you can do this at home using a mirror and practice eye contact by looking into your own eyes. This may seem a little strange, but it will help you feel more relaxed. Then try to look into the eyes of your partner or friend during the conversation. The more often you do this, the more comfortable and relaxed you will feel at an important meeting with strangers, establishing eye contact.
The golden rule of communication: sincerity is more important than competence
And if you really don’t know something and you didn’t have the relevant experience, then it would be best to honestly admit this than to delay the pause to the highest boiling point.
Practice
In order to develop professional-level communication skills, I suggest you spend a little more time developing skill #1.
Browse and choose for yourself suitable options:
1. Sign up for training courses or take trainings on topics: business conversation and business correspondence, presentation, public speaking, networking, acting, improvisation.
2. Watch speeches by at least 3 people who are considered good speakers. For example: Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, Steve Jobs. While watching presentations, take notes, write down what the speakers do and don't do, so that their presentation makes a strong impression. Find videos of top speakers at ted.com or youtube.com
I suggest you watch right now one of the best training videos "The Secrets of an Effective Steve Jobs Presentation"
Mortimer Adler "The Art of Speaking and Listening"
Carsten Bredemeyer "Black Rhetoric"
Lail Lowndes "How to Talk to Anyone About Anything"
Alan Pease "Body Language"
Jerr Weissman, The Art of Making Effective Presentations
Robert Dilts "Language Tricks"
Robert Cialdini "The Psychology of Influence"
Brian Tracy "The Art of the Deal"
p.s. Follow the Japanese Kaizen strategy in your development: small daily improvements will bring big benefits in the end!
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