Barbara Sher - It's not harmful to dream. How to get what you really want. Barbara Sher - your dream job One of the main rules: don’t be afraid to ask for help

Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb

There's no harm in dreaming. How to get what you really want

Wishcraft

How to Get What You Really Want

Scientific editor Alika Kalajda

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

Dedicated to my mother,

who always believed in me

Preface

It’s hard to believe that thirty years have passed since the moment when I held my first book in my hands, looking at the cover with the title “It’s not harmful to dream” and my name. My life hasn't changed. At least not right away. Just like ten years before, I raised two boys alone, worked hard and had difficulty making ends meet. Not to mention that I was almost forty-five and by the standards of 1979 it was considered too late to start something new, especially for a woman.

But that day I felt like Cinderella at the ball, because my book was published. Everything was like a dream. Deep down, I was always afraid that I would live my life and no one would know about me. Everything was fine now. I wrote a book good book, and I had no doubt about it, because it was based on a carefully designed two-day seminar that I had successfully conducted for almost three years. I knew that this seminar was helping people. Before my eyes, they used my techniques to help each other achieve the seemingly impossible, opened their own businesses, got their plays staged in New York theaters, received grants and went to Appalachia to photograph local children, entered a prestigious Faculty of Law and finished it, found ways, assistance and adopted children. These dreams were as unique as their owners.

I hoped that “Dreaming Isn’t Harmful” would help people the way my seminar helped them, but I wasn’t sure. The seminars were recorded (a lot of audio tapes - after all, each lasted about twelve hours), everything was presented in the book in the same words as in the classes. But there were people working face to face, and I was worried that the book wouldn't have the impact it needed.

There was no need to worry for long.

A few weeks after the book came out, I started receiving letters. Real letters are in envelopes, hand-addressed and stamped. At first I received several letters a week, then more and more, and after six months my closet was already filled with cardboard boxes with letters. Readers thanked me for my practical approach and simplicity - for understanding their lives, for helping them pay attention to their dreams. I warned them that they would face fear and negativity, and they appreciated it. They liked my advice to complain to someone every now and then.

Some, paying attention to the training origin of “Dreaming is Not Harmful,” began reading my book in groups. Sometimes it took them a year to go through it together and realize their dreams. Some said they studied Dreaming Isn't Harmful in a college course, others wanted to create “success teams” using the book as a guide and asked for help in doing so. Many simply read the book and said that they no longer felt lonely. By letters they let me into their lives, they wanted to say that thanks to “Dreaming is Not Harmful” they were understood, heard and found help. I experienced an incomparable feeling.

Thirty years have passed and I'm still getting Thanksgiving letters, and sometimes from people who, years later, reread “It’s Not Harmful to Dream” and tell me that the book helps them again and again. Sometimes their grown-up children even write to me.

I have a small stack of my very first letters. And also several emails that continue to arrive to this day. But no matter how many reviews I receive, I always feel honored and excited when I read them, and try to respond personally.

Barbara Sher's creative notebook contains 48 psychological exercises or 48 steps to your dream. Barbara Sher once postulated that dreaming is not harmful in her book of the same name. The Creative Notebook contains 48 of the best techniques for inspiring, planning, and achieving what you really want.

Barbara Sher's creative notebook and all her books

All books by Barbara Sher should be on the shelf of a self-developing person

Barbara Sher - author of seven bestselling books, each offering a practical and detailed method for discovering your natural talents, defining your goals, and turning your dreams into reality. She is often referred to by the press and her many fans as the mother of life coaching.

Barbara has conducted seminars and master classes around the world - for universities, professional organizations, Fortune 100 corporations, government agencies. “A comedian with a message”, “the best lecturer we have ever seen” - this is what listeners say about her.

Barbara Sher's Creative Notebook: TED Talk Video

She has appeared regularly in the national media on popular programs including The Oprah Winfrey Show. Barbara Sher periodically conducts seminars at the Smithsonian Institution, Harvard and New York Universities.

Barbara walked towards her dream for a long time: for seven years she worked as a waitress, being a single mother with two children. During these seven years, she combined work in a restaurant and her favorite thing - working with people.

Her first book, “It's Not Harmful to Dream,” was published when Barbara was 44 years old. The book became a bestseller and has been sold in huge numbers all over the world for more than 35 years.

Books by Barbara Sher and It's Not Harmful to Dream as the basis for a creative notebook

In the book “Dreaming is not harmful” Barbara writes about creating the life of your dreams. It offers practical problem-solving techniques, planning skills, and relevant skills. For nearly 40 years, Barbara Sher has been helping people around the world turn their vague desires and dreams into concrete results.
Creative notebook by Barbara Sher “Dreaming is not harmful!”: 1 of 48 exercises
I offer you one of 48 psychological exercises from Barbara Sher’s creative notebook “Dreaming is not harmful!” — Exercise No. 6 “Looking at yourself from the outside.”
This exercise has 2 options: for and for introverts.
1. Option 1 “Let there be praise!” Ask someone you love and trust - best friend, wife, loved one, child - about three minutes TELLING YOU ABOUT YOUR BEST QUALITIES. And write everything down word for word (but don't erase anything!). It's your POSITIVE PORTRAIT, so try your best. (To the praiser: Avoid criticism, even constructive or sympathetic criticism. This is especially important for husbands, wives and lovers; friends are much less likely to want to improve each other.)
2. Option 2. “Support group”. Think of four or five people you would like to see WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS real, historical or literary characters. This PERFECT FAMILY will be your secret SUPPORT GROUP. Choose those whose thoughts and actions you LIKE, whose life experience and character you CLOSE whose faces evoke you SYMPATHY. Imagine that you are one of them and enter the room. Observe yourself through his eyes. Write down all the positive things you see. ONLY POSITIVE! Let each member of your imaginary family talk about you. They have different perceptions and they all see you differently GOOD QUALITIES. (After playing the roles of all family members, study their answers. You will receive your own comprehensive positive portrait. Are you surprised?).
Imagine that in the creative diary from Barbara Sher there are as many as 48 such psychological exercises that allow you to change your life.

Creative notebook from Barbara - for winners in life!
Winning means getting what you want. Not what your dad and mom would like for you, not what you consider achievable, but exactly what you want with all your heart and what you dream about.
You become a winner when you love your life, when you enjoy a new day every morning, when you love what you do, even if it is scary at times.

Is this about you? If not, then think about what needs to change to become a winner.
Creating the life of your dreams is not difficult, and for this you need:
- Ability to plan and access necessary materials, information and contacts;
- With loved ones (and changes in your life can cause them) and the skills to obtain additional friendly support, which is so necessary for making risky decisions.
Sounds tempting? But it's not that simple. Therefore, methods and strategies explain how to win, but our desires are a very important why, the force that drives the entire mechanism.
Therefore, first you have to find out what you want.
We have always been taught that dreams are something frivolous and superficial, but in reality everything is completely different. Dreams are not an indulgence that can wait while you do “serious” things. This is a necessity.
Remember: what you want with all your heart is what you really need. And you simply must get it.
Who is this creative diary created for?
For anyone who loves creative notebooks, wants to change their life, needs motivation and inspiration.
Creative notebook by Barbara Sher - share with friends!
Write in the comments whether you like to use creative notebooks and workbooks in the practice of self-therapy and personal growth? Do you keep self-development diaries?

Read the best materials from a happiness psychologist on this topic!
- How to change yourself and your life, taking into account the concept of three forces: the Elephant, the Driver and the Path, described and illustrated in the book by Chip Heath and Dan Heath […]

Scientific editor Alika Kalajda

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

Dedicated to my mother, who always believed in me

Preface

But that day I felt like Cinderella at the ball, because my book was published. Everything was like a dream. Deep down, I was always afraid that I would live my life and no one would know about me. Everything was fine now. I wrote a book, a good book, and I had no doubt about it, because it was based on a carefully designed two-day seminar that I had successfully conducted for almost three years. I knew that this seminar was helping people. Before my eyes, they used my techniques to help each other achieve the seemingly impossible, opened their own businesses, got their plays staged in theaters in New York, received grants and went to Appalachia to photograph local children, entered a prestigious law school faculty and graduated from it, found ways, assistance and adopted children. These dreams were as unique as their owners.

There was no need to worry for long.

Thirty years have passed, and I still receive letters of gratitude, sometimes from people who, years later, reread “It’s Not Harmful to Dream” and tell me that the book helped them again and again. Sometimes their grown-up children even write to me.

Since 1979, “Dreaming is Not Harmful” has been constantly republished. Publishers happily accepted my new manuscripts and published new books, the fate of which also turned out well.

Thanks to “Dreaming Isn’t Harmful,” I became “someone.” Journalists contacted me for comments on their articles. I have spoken hundreds of times to audiences ranging from major Fortune 100 companies and offshore job search firms to parent unschooling conferences and gifted children in rural schools. I have performed in the USA, Canada, Australia and Western Europe, and even in countries that have recently gotten rid of the Iron Curtain and want to learn to dream again.

As of this writing, I have produced five special editions of my speeches for fundraising marathons in support of public television channels and plan to continue. Sometimes they even recognize me at airports, which is surprising, because usually after long flights I am disheveled, tired, and even with a dog in my arms. I don't look like a celebrity and I don't get treated like a celebrity. We talk like old friends, and I really like it.

From a personal point of view, the success of “It’s Not Harmful to Dream” exceeded all my expectations. I have had the rare and amazing opportunity to help people achieve their dreams by offering them techniques that are practical and work. Help even if they don't see their goal, have no idea how to believe in themselves, or can't stay positive. I make them laugh at their own negative thinking and show them that they already have everything they need to create the life of their dreams. It’s just that isolation destroys desires, but outside support works wonders.

Now my message, first heard in “It’s Not Harmful to Dream,” has resonated with millions of people. Thanks to this, I can make a living doing what I really love. Like everyone else, I had my ups and downs, but I never got bored. Not for a second. Therefore, thirty years flew by in an instant.

And it all started with the book you are holding in your hands. I sincerely hope that “Dreaming is Not Harmful” will give you a life as interesting and full of meaning as it gave me. Moreover, I hope it inspires you to help others achieve their dreams. This will make me the happiest.

Introduction

This book is written to make you a winner.

No, it is not intended to drive you like a tough coach in American football - “Go and trample everyone there” - unless, of course, you yourself strive for this with all your heart. However, I don’t think that most of us enjoy the opportunity to trample our rivals and remain alone at an imaginary peak. This is just a consolation prize, which those who were not once explained what it means to win are striving for. I have my own definition - simple and radical.

Winning, in my understanding, means getting what you want. Not what your dad and mom would like for you, not what you consider achievable in this world, but exactly what you want you are yours desires, fantasies and dreams. A person becomes a winner when he loves his life, when he gets up every morning, enjoying the new day, when he likes what he does, even if sometimes it is a little scary.

From childhood we are taught that dreams are something unrealistic, simple children's fun, a pleasant but empty pastime. “I want to become a pilot / rescuer / singer / astronaut” - each of us dreamed of something similar in childhood, but hardly anyone took your dreams seriously.

In his book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want ′′ Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb dispel the myth that dreams are just vague desires, teach you to turn them into goals and make concrete plans to achieve everything you dream of.

I am very distrustful of books like “How to become a millionaire in two weeks”, “How to achieve your goals in 1 month”, “How to change your life tomorrow”, etc. But the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want” initially interested me precisely because it did not promise fantastic results in a tiny period of time.

She simply said: “Dreaming is not harmful,” and it was this quiet, unobtrusive, but at the same time effective call that did its job - I decided to read this book.

Barbara Sher

The author of seven best-selling books, each offering a practical, detailed method for discovering your natural talents, setting your goals, and making your dreams a reality. Barbara has conducted seminars and master classes around the world - for universities, professional organizations, and Fortune 100 corporations.

Annie Gottlieb

Writer and journalist specializing in psychology. Annie has been published in numerous publications, such as Mirabella and McCall's, and also writes book reviews and columns for The New York Times.

Remember the genius you were as a child

Most of all, I am grateful to the authors for helping me remember my childhood dreams. I, like most people, didn’t take them seriously, and even to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I always answered differently. IN kindergarten I was praised for pronouncing a few words in English without errors - and I am sure that I will become a translator. I did an excellent job with the role in the New Year’s play - and now I’m already dreaming of becoming an actress. In the second grade I wrote my first poem - and I know for sure that the poet is dormant in me.

But then, as a child, I, like all children, did not know the main thing: all our dreams, our every desire, our every little victory is what tells us the path to what will make us happy.

The book contains many practical tasks that will help you remember your childhood dreams. You yourself can easily write down what you seem to have forgotten irretrievably: what you loved to do, what was interesting to you, what you didn’t mind wasting your time on.

As children, each of us was a real genius: we knew what we wanted. We were not yet adults, constrained by various circumstances (no money, no time, no opportunities, etc.), and we were not afraid of possible failure, we were not overcome by doubts.

And now you remember what you dreamed of as a child. Now answer the question: do you still want to do this? If your answer is “yes,” then forget for a moment about the continuation that you, of course, added to your answer (“it’s very difficult,” “I’m not that age anymore,” “I’ll never dare to change my life so radically.” etc.), and know that:

You still can.

I don't care about your age, past or present circumstances: you can still do whatever you want, have whatever you want, or be whatever you want.
Barbara Sher

Game of private detective

Who can know you better than yourself? You see yourself in the mirror every day, you know exactly what you love and what you hate. But you will be surprised when you realize that you don’t know everything about yourself.

In one of the practical tasks, the authors invite you to play a private detective: examine your own home as if you were seeing it for the first time and try to understand from the surroundings what kind of person lives here. When you see the results, you will be surprised. After I examined my own home, I came to the following conclusions:

Points that did not surprise me:

First. this man has more than three hundred paper books, and there is an electronic book on the table, and if you look into it, you can find dozens more works.

I have loved reading since childhood, I always knew it.

Second. Based on what the assumption was made: There are seven notebooks on the table, in which poems, scraps of thoughts, quotes from books, lines from favorite songs are chaotically mixed up.

Why is this not a discovery for me: I absolutely love writing by hand; even if I’m going to publish a post on LiveJournal or Tumblr, it first appears in the notepad, and only then moves to the Internet space.

Sixth. Based on what the assumption was made: two players, a bunch of headphones, carefully stored CDs.

Why is this not a discovery for me: I listen to music all the time.

Points that surprised me:

Third.Based on what the assumption was made: There is a sketchbook and markers on the table. In all notebooks with letters, there are emoticons, cats and some squiggles, the deep meaning of which is understandable only to their creator.

I can't draw. As a child, I suffered terribly because of this, and my whole family completed fine art assignments. On my resume there are two phrases highlighted in red bold font: “I can’t draw. Well, that is, not at all, not at all.”

And then, completely unexpectedly for myself, I realized that I was constantly drawing something. Mind maps when I need to break down a complex task into its component parts. Smilies, cats and other animals when I need a distraction. I even got an album from somewhere, and even with felt-tip pens.

I always thought that I didn’t like and couldn’t draw. But, having examined my “drawing front”, I realized that, of course, I would never make a decent artist, but scribbling squiggles and funny animals helps me calm down and distract myself.

Fourth.Based on what the assumption was made: a lot of photo albums, two cameras that proudly stand on the top shelf, a bunch of folders on the laptop called “Print Photos”.

Why is this a discovery for me: Well, yes, I have a camera, and I can press a button and say: “Now a bird will fly out.” I have an Instagram account, which is not only about cats, selfies and food. I love photographing sunsets and sunrises. I get very upset when I don’t have a camera at hand, and the 3-megapixel smartphone camera is not capable of conveying half the beauty that I want to capture.

I never thought about taking a photography course or learning how to work decently with modern photo editors. Well, I’ll be honest: I never even thought that photography could be of interest to me.

What conclusion did I draw from this: Now I'm thinking about enrolling in a photography course. And no, I don't want to make this my life's work. Let this be an enjoyable hobby.

Fifth. Based on what the assumption was made: There are a lot of magnets on the refrigerator from different cities of Russia and other countries. In the nightstand there is a box with various postcards, the sight of which makes you want to buy a plane ticket. And in the kitchen there are several cups that indicate that their owner has visited at least three countries.

Why is this a discovery for me: because I love to travel, but my collection of cities and countries is not that big yet, despite all the trophies.

What conclusion did I draw from this: wrong. Like a detective inspecting a stranger's home, I assumed that a man who traveled a lot lived here. But as a person living in this apartment, I know that more than half of the postcards, magnets and other souvenirs were brought to me by friends and relatives.

By completing this exercise, you will probably learn something new about your hobbies and your character. And who knows, maybe you will finally understand what you want to do in life. It's exciting, try it. :)

One of the main rules: don’t be afraid to ask for help.

The leitmotif of the entire book: do not be afraid to ask others for help. No one can achieve tremendous success alone. And if you don’t believe me, read the autobiographies of successful people. They always had someone who helped them, no matter how - life advice, money, or simply introducing them to the right people.

Anyone in your life can help you achieve what you really want: your family, friends, acquaintances, acquaintances of your friends, and acquaintances of your acquaintances. Provided, of course, if you are not embarrassed to ask for help. Who knows, maybe you will be able to gather a team of like-minded people who will work towards achieving the same goal.

Summarizing

I am very glad that this book fell into my hands. It took me a week to read it, but I don’t regret the time I spent.

I remembered my childhood dreams and learned to make goals out of them. I played detective and searched for myself hidden talents and inclinations. I laid out my goals specific tasks and learned to do them. I took a new look at dreams and learned to cast aside fears and doubts.

Who will be interested in this book

To everyone who loves to dream, as well as to all those who consider it a waste of time. The former will learn to turn their dreams into goals and achieve them, and the latter will understand the main thing: what we dream about is what we need.

Remember: dreaming is not harmful. It's harmful not to dream.

This book has justified its relevance and subsequent reprinting for several decades (!) of years. It will be useful for those over 30 who are mired in routine, doing a job they don’t like and dream of changing their lives. We can also recommend it to 20-year-olds - those who haven’t really decided what they want to do with their lives and risk spending the next few years doing the profession their parents chose. This book can be recommended to those who want to change their specialty, think about missed opportunities and want something new. The author says that nothing is impossible. Everything is possible and it is much closer than we think, and there is no need to be afraid to start, even if you are 40, 50 years old.

Dreaming Isn't Harmful was first published in 1978, and for 30 years now it has been helping people all over the world turn their vague desires and dreams into concrete results.

The book consists of three parts:

1. how to understand what you really want, what you dream about;

2. we begin to draw up a plan on how to achieve our dreams;

3. We create a support group that will help you in difficult times.

The first chapter of the book is dedicated to our environment, our family and everything that has been instilled in us since childhood. From the first pages of the book, the author refers a person to the inclinations of his childhood, when it was so natural to sing, draw, dance, and invent fables. Barbara draws people's attention to the real dreams that each of us had in childhood, but disappeared over time due to a lack of faith in them. The author makes us become children again and succumb to the temptation of dreaming about the impossible.

Reading page after page, you “rakes out” the child inside you, remembering what you were like, what you liked and what talents all this speaks of. And you begin to work with this, imagining the future of your dreams, your ideal day, home, lifestyle. Barbara Sher starts giving practical advice on planning and interaction with other people.

The second chapter of the book is about making wishes, and this is where important practical tasks are found. By doing them one after another, you will look at yourself differently, reconsider your goals and dreams, discarding what is unnecessary. For example, the author invites you to remember twenty of your favorite activities or describe your ideal day. If you do this, you will understand that, in fact, all your desires and dreams are quite feasible and that you need little to live your Dream.

Barbara Sher suggests breaking down every impossible dream into detailed and small actions. They are real, do not confuse you and help you act. The basis for the practical achievement of a goal is planning backwards (from the result to the very first steps) and setting clear deadlines. It is important to clearly imagine life when the goal is achieved.

The final part of the book teaches how to work with difficulties along the way. By the way, Barbara Sher is not a supporter of positive thinking. She is sure that problems need to be talked about: this is the only way to solve them.

After reading the book, you will learn:

How to discover yours strengths and hidden talents;