New jokes and quotes (29 pieces). What did Stalin eat and drink? Stalin who does not drink is afraid of getting drunk

The author of the book “A Brief History of Drinking from the Stone Age to the Present Day: What, Where, When and Why,” Mark Forsythe carefully studied the history of alcohol and its use different peoples in different historical periods. T&P publish a chapter dedicated to Russia. Why in Rus' they began to build a “system of getting people drunk by the authorities”, and the owners of taverns were essentially made civil servants, how Peter I and Stalin used alcohol and why Ivan the Terrible is to blame for everything - in the merciless history of Russian drunkenness it is not always obvious what is fact and what just a legend.

In 1914, Tsar Nicholas II banned the sale of vodka throughout Russia. In 1918, Tsar Nicholas II, along with his entire family, was shot in a Yekaterinburg basement. These two events are in no way connected.

The king’s logic can be understood. The pros and cons were clear. On the one hand, the First World War was already in full swing, and Russian army Lately, she has been regularly losing wars, in no small part due to heavy drinking. On the other hand, excise taxes on alcohol accounted for a quarter of state revenues, and abruptly cutting off their main source on the eve of entering the war was somewhat unreasonable.

Historians are having a blast debating the extent to which vodka contributed to the approach October revolution. How much has the loss of an important tax bled the state? How much did the ban exacerbate social tensions? Russian laws then, as now, in reality they applied only to the common people freezing in their huts. And he was not too pleased with the thought that at the master’s dachas they were quietly drinking vodka. It was still served in expensive restaurants, but ordinary people were not allowed in there.

There is also a hypothesis that 1914–1917 is the only period in Russian history when the people sobered up enough to realize how cruelly they were being treated. And cruel treatment needs to be mitigated somehow. That’s what Lenin thought, by the way. If religion is, as he claimed, opium for the people, then alcohol is, accordingly, for the people... alcohol. That is why Lenin himself hardly drank and did not lift the ban on vodka. Stalin abolished it in 1925.

If you live in modern Russia, there is a 23.4% chance that your death will be alcohol-related. For kings, the risk was much higher.

Back in 987, Prince Vladimir Svyatoslavich, who ruled the nascent state, invited representatives of different religions to choose the most suitable one for his people. He rejected Judaism when it became clear that the Jews did not have their own land. The Muslims managed to captivate him with a description of carnal pleasures in paradise (Vladimir “was hungry for fornication” and “was a woman lover”). But, having learned that the Mohammedan faith prohibits drinking alcohol, he demonstrated statesmanship and declared:

Rus' has joy to drink: it cannot exist without it.

And Rus' became Christian.

*Due to the complete absence of others.

In fact, there is much more historical truth here than it might seem. Inviting envoys of different faiths and then choosing a religion for an entire people was a quite common custom at that time. These events were described just a century later in the Tale of Bygone Years, the most authoritative source of information about early history Rus'*.

In the not so distant 1985, Mikhail Sergeevich Gorbachev launched a campaign to combat drunkenness. Perestroika began in the country, the General Secretary, under the gun of television cameras, went out to the people and talked with ordinary people. One of his interlocutors complained about the high cost of such a vital product as beer. The Secretary General replied that beer is not a vital product. Six years later, communist rule in Russia came to an end.

Russians love to drink. And they like to force others to drink. This trend has deep roots in the past. Back in the 1550s, the Holy Roman Empire's ambassador to Russia noted:

Muscovites are great masters at forcing others to drink while listening to table speeches. If there are no more reasons, someone gets up and raises the cup for the health of the Grand Duke, and then none of those present dares to refuse to drink to the bottom […] The one offering the toast goes to the middle of the room, baring his head, and announces what he would like for the great to the prince or other nobles - happiness, victories, health - and let their enemies have as much blood in their veins as there is wine in his cup. And, having drained the cup, he turns it over onto the top of his head, wishing the sovereign many years to come.

The custom described here gives Russians an unprecedented ability to induce others to drink. For most of the peoples discussed in this book, drinking alcohol was an activity that was optional, prohibited, reprehensible, tied to a specific place, or dedicated to a certain time or event. Accordingly, drunkenness could have been avoided. Yes, many cultures have toasts that require everyone present to drink, but it usually comes down to a couple of glasses at the beginning of the evening (or communion at the end of the service). At a symposium or in a saloon, everyone who came was also required to drink, but you could simply not go there. Of course, in some cases drinking was forced by public opinion, and I would not want to be in the place of the Viking who risked asking for orange juice. But in Russia, forcing people to drink strong alcohol is an integral part of business, diplomacy and politics.

Rarely does a conversation about Russia pass without mentioning the name Stalin - which is funny, because in reality he was neither Russian nor Stalin. Everyone knows about Stalin’s terror, as well as the fact that this terror spread to the highest echelons of power. However, at the very, very top, at the level of Beria, who stood at the head of the department state security(that is, the secret police), and Khrushchev, Stalin relied not only on terror, but also on drunkenness.

The method was simple. Stalin convened the Politburo and invited everyone to dinner. Refusals were not accepted. At dinner, Stalin forced everyone to drink, drink and drink again - refusals were not accepted here either. Khrushchev recalled:

Almost every evening I received a call: “Come, let’s have dinner.” Those were terrible dinners. We returned home in the morning, but I have to go to work. […] For the one who dozed at Stalin’s table, it ended badly*.

Stalin simply did to his subordinates the same thing that the Soviets did to the rest of the people. The Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact in 1939 was celebrated with a feast at which twenty-two toasts were made even before the food arrived. However, at Stalin’s private dinners the atmosphere was approaching infernal. Stalin laughed until he cried when Beria portrayed the death rattles of Zinoviev, who was killed on Stalin’s orders. The leader beat the pipe on Khrushchev's bald head, and then made him dance the hopak. The Deputy People's Commissar of Defense was pushed into the pond every time.

Stalin himself drank little. At least much less than his guests - besides, there were rumors that instead of vodka, he had plain water in his glass. Beria tried to pull off the same trick, but he was exposed. Ultimately, he developed a humbly philosophical approach: “We should get drunk quickly. When we get drunk, we'll leave sooner. Still, he won’t let go.”

The point was to humiliate the members of the Politburo, pit them against each other and loosen tongues. It was already difficult to plot anything against Stalin, and when every evening you get drunk in front of him until a pig squeals...

There was nothing new in this. The sovereign, who pours vodka down the throats of his minions with an iron hand, is a frequent and sometimes entertaining phenomenon in the history of Russia. The main difference between Stalin and Peter I (1672–1725) was that Peter himself drank no less than others.

Stories about the drinking habits of Peter I vary greatly and bear very little resemblance to the truth. One says that he drank half a liter of vodka and a bottle of sherry at breakfast, then eight more bottles, and then went on business. The other gives the same figures, only we are no longer talking about vodka, but about brandy. Of course, anything can happen. Peter, a two-meter tall giant, could probably drink much more than a common person(it is possible that this same giant height explains his weakness for dwarf jesters).

If Stalin soldered the Soviet government de facto, Peter I soldered Russian authorities also de jure. To begin with, he put together a funny party - something like a drunken parody of the official court. The participants were supposed to drink like the king, which was not easy. They gathered in something like a club - at assemblies in a palace that could accommodate 1,500 guests and Peter I's pet monkey - and each feast began with a series of toasts accompanied by vodka, so that everyone had time to get thoroughly drunk before the food was brought.

Then the amusing celebration grew into the Most Joking, Most Drunken and Extraordinary Council, which was a parody of Orthodox Church. But the same sovereign’s henchmen swaggered on him, so he still represented a drunken parody of state authorities. Among the participants was, in particular, the head of the order of investigative affairs (that is, the secret police) Romodanovsky. Like Beria, he drank himself and forced others to drink. Romodanovsky had a tame bear, trained to bring guests a glass of vodka with pepper and swing at the victim if they refused to drink.

For those who were caught not wanting to drink, Peter I also had his own punishment - “Big Eagle”. It was a giant goblet containing one and a half liters of wine, which the offender had to drink in one sitting. This requirement extended to everyone, not only to the participants of the All-Joking Council. Peter I knew the price of intoxication - the price of power, which was to force others to drink, thereby depriving them of their humanity and reducing them to vomiting cattle. The Danish ambassador, who once found himself on Peter I’s ship, very soon felt that he could not drink any more. To avoid further soldering, he climbed up the mast and hid in the sails. But the king, having learned about this, climbed in next - with bottles of wine in his pocket and the Great Eagle Cup in his teeth. The ambassador had to drink.

Peter I was, without a doubt, a great man, he spent many most important reforms- in particular, he ordered that beards be shaved, - but great does not mean gentle and kind. The Prussian ambassador claims that he saw with his own eyes how Tsar Peter I ordered twenty convicts and twenty cups to be brought to him. He drank all twenty, after each one drawing his saber and personally cutting off the condemned man's head. He also asked the ambassador if he also wanted to participate.

* Kurbsky A. The story of the Grand Duke of Moscow.

Stalin was a great admirer of Ivan the Terrible (1530–1584), who was the first to realize the use of drunkenness as a lever of political control over his inner circle. He also forced the boyars to drink:

and until everyone drinks to the point of insensibility or frenzy, they [Ivan the Terrible’s minions - M.F.] offer other and third cups, and those who do not want to drink and commit lawlessness are threatened with various punishments, and they cry out to the king: “This and that , name, does not want to be merry at your feast, they condemn you and us and mock us as drunkards, being hypocrites!

Ivan the Terrible did not even try to disguise his intentions. At his feasts there were often scribes who, on his orders, recorded everything that the invitees said while drunk. The next morning, what was written down was read out loud to those who had committed the fine, and they received a well-deserved punishment. The punishments were inventive - to say the least. Ivan the Terrible had an odious penchant for rape and execution (and also sometimes liked to unleash a hungry bear on unsuspecting monks - also an interesting pastime). However, perhaps the most cruel mockery was to send more drinks after those who had just departed from his feast. The archers brought the booze and strictly ensured that each vessel was immediately drained to the bottom.

Of course, all of this can be regarded as entertaining stories about drunken tyranny powerful of the world this one, to whom such things happen. There are reports that Kim Jong Il spent a million dollars a year on Hennessy, and even Queen Victoria liked to drink a glass of whiskey and claret. But in relation to Russia, these antics are important not only because of the steady repetition of one scenario over 500 years, but also because such treatment of those close to them reflected the treatment of Russian sovereigns with their people. And Ivan the Terrible is to blame for everything.

In 1552, the Tsar besieged and conquered the Tatar city of Kazan. Drowning the population in blood, he still managed to take note of the state drinking establishments that impressed him - taverns. The Tatar khans did not just tax alcohol, they appropriated all the proceeds. Ivan the Terrible hurried back to Moscow and built St. Basil's Cathedral to commemorate the victory. He also declared all drinking establishments in Rus' to be state owned.

* Fletcher J. About the Russian State / Trans. M.A. Obolensky. - M.: Zakharov, 2002.

This is how the curious system of getting the people drunk by the authorities was born. The owners of the taverns consisted, in fact, of public service. There was no talk of the “good-natured innkeeper-soul-of-the-quarter.” The innkeeper was a hired employee whose task was to siphon as much money as possible from the population. The authorities were ready to pass any laws that would facilitate the sale of vodka. Any well-wishing person advocating abstinence or offering to while away the evening at home was taken into custody. This is how a visiting English traveler describes the system introduced by Ivan the Terrible:

In every big city there is a tavern, or drinking house, where vodka, called here Russian wine, honey, beer, etc., is sold. From them the tsar receives a quitrent, reaching a significant amount: some pay 800, others 900, others 1000, and some 2000 or 3000 rubles a year. There, in addition to base and dishonest means to increase the treasury, many of the most terrible crimes are committed. A poor worker and artisan often squanders all the property of his wife and children. Some leave 20, 30, 40 rubles or more in the tavern, drinking until they have spent it all. And they do this, according to them, in honor of the ruler, or king. You will often see people who have drunk everything off themselves and walk around naked (they are called naked). While they are sitting in the tavern, no one dares to call them out under any pretext, because this can interfere with the increase in the royal income*.

* Vodka appeared in Rus' in the 15th century. Contrary to some beautiful stories, the Russians were most likely introduced to distillation by Genoese merchants on the Volga, and then everything was like with most strong drinks: the remedy was taken in such heavy doses that they gradually became addicted.

The state became dependent on income from the sale of alcohol - that is, on the alcohol addiction of the population. In most countries, they tried to limit alcohol consumption to one degree or another - fighting the crime situation, unrest, family breakdown and cirrhosis of the liver. U Russian state all these considerations were outweighed by the influx of money into the treasury. Accordingly, in 1914, Nicholas II had to choose between sobriety and income, and, breaking 400 years of tradition, he brought down the monarchy, which relied on the population's dependence on vodka.

There was nothing accidental in its widespread use*. Vodka was promoted to the detriment of weaker competitors. The history of drinking in Russia is the London gin madness in a mirror image: ruling class I was terribly afraid that the people would sober up. Russian history knows only two serious anti-alcohol campaigns - Gorbachev's and Nikolaev's.

Stalin: biography of the leader Martirosyan Arsen Benikovich

Myth No. 129. Stalin was intemperate in food and drinking alcohol

Myth No. 129. Stalin was intemperate in food and drinking alcohol

The myth was put into circulation by Khrushchev. Why he did this is difficult to understand. Probably, in order to cover up his unbridled passion for gluttony and especially for vodka (with pepper), because of which he did a lot of trouble - this Trotskyist had a way of blurting out the highest state secrets to foreigners while drunk. Or perhaps Khrushchev wanted to confirm the point of view that the apple never falls far from the tree - after all, Stalin’s father died in a drunken brawl. The reception, of course, is very vile. Well, what really happened?

But in fact, dozens and even hundreds of people who communicated with Stalin during his three decades at the very top of Olympus of power unanimously claim that Stalin was very moderate in both food and alcohol consumption. His daily food was very simple: soup, most often borscht or cabbage soup with cabbage, which he loved very much, for the main course - boiled meat (sometimes fish), as a side dish - porridge, most often buckwheat, and often boiled potatoes. Naturally, the table included greens, vegetables and fruits, traditional Georgian snacks (these, however, are not common), cheese, most often suluguni. There were also dishes traditional to Georgian cuisine with nuts, satsivi, for example. For the third - either dried fruit compote or tea. For sweets, he really liked green walnut jam (his mother used to send him this). It’s hard to understand what the underdog Khrushchev found so supernatural here. After all, he himself visited Stalin at dinners more than once and ate exactly this. Why was there any need to talk too much?

It was a different matter when Stalin gave official receptions on behalf of Soviet government. Yes, in these cases the tables were really laden with various dishes. But this is politics and diplomacy. This is a common practice of official hospitality in top level. What was supernatural in this was found by Khrushchev and those like him - it is even more difficult to understand.

As for alcohol, the tales of the old Trotskyist are even more difficult to understand. Because, unlike Khrushchev himself, Stalin was born in Georgia, where from time immemorial there has been a very high culture of alcohol consumption, primarily wine - dry, semi-dry and semi-sweet. As a Georgian, for Stalin the traditional Georgian culture of drinking wine was as natural as breathing. And therefore, when drinking alcoholic beverages, he proceeded not from the desire, characteristic of Khrushchev, to get drunk until a pig squeals, but from the opportunity to create a relaxed atmosphere for a friendly feast.

Yes, on Stalin’s table, especially if guests came to him, there were various drinks - wine, vodka, and cognac. Whoever wanted, used it. Stalin himself most preferred Georgian wines - dry and semi-sweet. In everyday practice - dry, mainly Kartalin wines, based on the memories of his personal security officer G. Egnatoshvili. Kartalin wine is the weakest wine of all Georgian wines, approximately 9-11°.

Stalin drank wine in thirty or fifty gram glasses. I never got drunk.

At the same time, more than once or twice, many of those around him witnessed Stalin drinking stronger drinks. Most often this took place due to some political considerations, for example, in communication with British Prime Minister W. Churchill, who loved strong drinks. So Stalin drank wonderful Armenian cognac with him, which Churchill was simply delighted with. Stalin then sent him several boxes. However, even in such cases, Stalin never got drunk. Moreover, no one could even notice that he was drunk, because people who grew up in conditions of a high culture of alcohol consumption know how not only to drink, including a lot, but also to control themselves even after a big drink. amount drunk.

By the way, a very interesting story happened to W. Churchill. While at a government reception on the occasion of W. Churchill's visit to the USSR, Stalin's favorite - Air Chief Marshal, creator Soviet aviation long-range A.E. Golovanov noticed that Stalin kept pouring cognac for Churchill and drinking along with him. Noticing Golovanov’s alarmed gaze, Stalin leaned towards him and quietly said: “Don’t be afraid, I won’t drink Russia away. But this one (that is, Churchill. - A. M.) Tomorrow I will be spinning around like fried crucian carp." Obviously, during this diplomatic drunkenness, Stalin tried to resolve some very important issues that Churchill, when sober, did not want to solve. But this is a common practice for all people - both at the highest level and at everyday. Each of us has resorted to this technique at least once in our lives. By the way, the next day Stalin was in excellent condition, and Churchill was overcome by a hangover, but after a corresponding hangover, Stalin snatched from him the necessary Soviet Union concessions. So what's so bad about that?! God grant that other rulers would be able to use alcohol in the interests of their own power the way Stalin did.

One more detail is curious. During meetings with representatives of foreign powers, especially leading ones, Stalin never missed an opportunity to demonstrate, so to speak, in the interests of foreign trade advertising, the entire palette of Soviet wines, champagne, cognacs and vodka. Few people know that, for example, it was Stalin who started real winemaking in the state of California. During one of his meetings with US President Roosevelt, Stalin treated him to the famous Georgian wines Kindzmarauli and Khvanchkara. Roosevelt was indescribably sincerely delighted. After this, Stalin promised to send him cuttings of vines of these grape varieties and fulfilled his promise. This is how real winemaking began in California.

And here's another thing. As you know, Stalin was not very fond of medicine. However, knowing very well the medicinal properties of Georgian wines, he used them depending on what needed to be treated.

This is how Stalin really treated food and alcohol.

This text is an introductory fragment. From the book Joseph Stalin author Rybas Svyatoslav Yurievich

STALIN (V. Krasnov, V. Daines. "Unknown Trotsky. Red Bonaparte". M., 2000. P. 366-367). Having occupied Baku, the Reds with the help of ships Caspian flotilla landed troops on Persian territory in the port of Anzeli, entered into battle with the British infantry division stationed there,

From the book I confess: I lived. Memories by Neruda Pablo

Stalin No matter how many times I came to the USSR, I did not have a chance to see even those Soviet figures who were considered within reach. I saw Stalin many times, but from afar - on the podium of the Mausoleum, where all the leaders of the country stood on May 1 or November 7. As a member of the committee for

From the book Stalin: biography of a leader author Martirosyan Arsen Benikovich

Myth No. 99. Stalin was born on December 21, 1879. Myth No. 100, Stalin proved himself to be a villain because he was born on December 21. The first myth is one of the most durable and harmless in all anti-Stalinism. Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin was also personally involved in the emergence of the myth. This happened

From the book Shadow of Stalin author Loginov Vladimir Mikhailovich

Myth No. 104. Stalin is a half-educated seminarian Myth No. 105. Stalin is an “outstanding mediocrity” The combination of these myths is one of the foundations of all anti-Stalinism. The authorship belongs to Trotsky. Satanic from anger at Stalin, he used the “demon of the world revolution” in his propaganda

From the book The Secret Russian Calendar. Main dates author Bykov Dmitry Lvovich

Myth No. 118. Stalin deliberately built a regime of one-man power. Myth No. 119. In order to establish a regime of sole power, Stalin destroyed the “Leninist guard”. To be honest, the most correct name for this myth would be the following: “Why Bebel should not be confused with

From the book Passion by Vysotsky author Kudryavov Boris

From the book Rising from the Ashes [How the Red Army of 1941 turned into the Victory Army] author Glanz David M

21 December. Stalin was born (1879), Ivan Ilyin died (1954) Stalin, Ilyin and the brotherhood To tell the truth, the author of these lines does not favor the magic of numbers, calendars and birthdays. Brezhnev was born on December 19, Stalin and Saakashvili on the 21st, the Cheka and I on the 20th, and who am I after that? True, my big one

From the book The Secret Family of Vysotsky author Kudryavov Boris Pavlovich

Kirill Lascari “ANDREY MIRONOV CALLED ME A PLUMBER! AND VYSOTSKY GAVE LECTURES ABOUT THE DAMAGES OF ALCOHOL!” May the readers forgive me, I nevertheless decided to insert into the book an interview with Andrei Mironov’s paternal half-brother Alexander Semenovich Menaker - Kirill Laska-ri.

From the book Emir Kusturica. Autobiography by Kusturica Emir

Stalin Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin, the dictator of all Rus', towered over the military efforts of the Soviet Union like a colossus. Elected in 1922 on the recommendation of Lenin to the relatively inconspicuous post of General Secretary of the Central Committee of the All-Russian

From the book of Molotov. Second after Stalin author Khrushchev Nikita Sergeevich

Kirill Laskari. “ANDREY MIRONOV CALLED ME A PLUMBER! AND VYSOTSKY GAVE LECTURES ABOUT THE DAMAGES OF ALCOHOL!” May the readers forgive me, I nevertheless decided to insert into the book an interview with Andrei Mironov’s half-brother on his father’s side, Alexander Semenovich Menaker, Kirill Laskari.

From the book From a black marketeer to a producer. Business people in the USSR author Aizenshpis Yuri

The deceased was a great opponent of alcohol. In 1978, my son Stribor was born. That same year I received my diploma in Prague. The fear of turning into a character in social literature of the early 20th century has disappeared from my life forever. In these novels, my provincial colleagues vegetated in

From the book Viktor Tsoi and others. How the stars light up author Aizenshpis Yuri

Stalin ...I would like to describe my meeting with Stalin, which made a strong impression on me. This happened when I was studying at the Industrial Academy. The first graduation of its students took place in 1930. Then our director was Kaminsky, an old Bolshevik, a good comrade. I'm going to him

From the book From Zhvanetsky to Zadornov author Dubovsky Mark

Stalin He was for me, as for many other children and adults, half a fairy tale, half a true story. Superman. However, I never doubted that he was a true friend and a wise teacher. Later I learned something else about him, not so attractive and pleasant, which had been hiding in the shadows for a long time.

From the book Kampuchean Chronicles [SI] author Pritula Viktor Ivanovich

Stalin He was for me, as for many other children and adults, half a fairy tale, half a true story. Superman. Nevertheless, I never doubted that he was a faithful friend and wise teacher. Later I learned something else about him, not so attractive and pleasant, long hidden in the shadows

From the author's book

About the benefits of alcohol Michal Mikhalych Zhvanetsky moistened his throat with a glass of good cognac before going on stage. This mobilized the vocal cords, warmed the soul, and made conversation with the audience easier. * * *One of the luminaries of Latvian journalism, Alexander Sergeevich Blinov, has never

From the author's book

Chapter Six About the benefits of alcohol in Indochina In Kampong Chhnang, my “guards” ate quite heavily, emptying all the pots and pans in the roadside tavern. The short, thin fighters had the appetite of a Gargantua. Mui and Somarin ate leisurely and quietly

I listened to it this morning. “Be careful with the past, contact with it can be painful.” In the afternoon I got hit in the head with a graduation album that somehow fell from the mezzanine. Believe in!

* * *
- Honey, do you remember how Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct?
did you cross your legs?
- Of course I remember
- He remembers... But damn, he forgot to buy sour cream

* * *
The mother-in-law asked to buy her some seafood to please herself with the delicacy. I bought her a pack of sea salt and let her enjoy it.

* * *
If someone doesn't want to drink
- means he’s afraid of getting drunk
and spill the beans about something!
This means your conscience is not clear.
I. Stalin

* * *
Judging by the developments in the United States, an American embassy has finally been opened there.

* * *
If dentists make money from people with bad teeth,
then why should I trust toothpaste,
which 9 out of 10 dentists recommend?

* * *
- An ass without adventures is not an ass, but just... dull buns.
- It’s not scary if your ass leads to adventures. The main thing is that the adventures don’t lead to shit.

* * *
In a conversation about the number of things, I somehow made a reservation:
— Actually, I suffer from minimalism.
- How is that?
- I just don’t have enough.

* * *
One day the students were sitting with fishing rods on the shore and fishing. The Teacher came up.
- Doesn’t it bite? - he asked.
“It doesn’t bite,” the students said with a sigh.
“And it won’t be,” said the Teacher. - Fish have no beak.

* * *
I was fishing with my father. When the boat rocked, I almost choked. I will no longer drink vodka off my throat.

* * *
Foreman Vasily Sidorov has such a good command of intonation that the phrase “Your mother! "can scold, praise, say hello, and even express his condolences.

* * *
Only for layout designer
the phrase "let's go"
doesn't mean anything good.

* * *
The traffic cops of the Krasnodar region are most impatiently awaiting the opening of the Kerch Bridge.

* * *
I showed my grandfather the spinner.
He was silent for a long time, and then said:
“We used to throw cow shit on a shovel, and that was more interesting.”

* * *
I still don’t understand the difference between a cardigan, a sweatshirt, a bomber jacket, a sweatshirt, a pullover, a jumper and a hoodie. This is all a “jacket”, guys!

* * *
Life TV channel announced the closure of Life TV channel. Naturally, no one believed the news.

* * *
“Or maybe, fuck them, these kebabs, fry them better than me?” and other phrases in the book “How to become the one and only for him”

* * *
Well hello, princess, in shorts from Aliexpress.

* * *
Little kids don't need vacations, but I still see them on the beaches.

* * *
— People are like spinners.
- Are they spinning?
- They forget!

* * *
— They say Malakhov is leaving for Channel 2.
- Who's talking?
- Everyone is talking.
- Let them talk!

* * *
Angela took out a bank loan, invested all the funds in new breasts, and went to become an elite prostitute. And because in economic university she was taught that money should work.

* * *
Sometimes it seems that a person is drunk, but, in fact, he is under a strong impression. From drinking a bottle of vodka.

* * *
- Okay, tell me about your problem.
-Can’t you do it yourself?! You are a magician.
- If I start listing them now, we will sit here for another week. You don't have that much money.

* * *
Our training course “How to get rid of Internet addiction” is now available online

* * *
- Well, Sharik, should I throw you a stick?
- Throw it to your friend, idiot! - Sharik thought, hiding in the booth.

* * *
I want an app for my phone similar to Shazam, but one that analyzes night noises.
- Ok, Google, what the hell did I just hear?
- Yes, everything is ok, don’t worry, it’s your fat cat rustling a piece of paper.
Or: “Dude, that was really weird, hiding under the covers and shivering until the morning.”

* * *
The seven deadly sins: creativity, sociability, activity, determination, learning ability, diligence, stress resistance.

* * *
They say that if you don't like gays, then you yourself are a latent gay. If you follow this logic, then I am a latent boiled onion.

CONVERSATION WITH FOREIGN WORKERS' DELEGATIONS November 5, 1927 (excerpt)

6th QUESTION. How are the vodka monopoly and the fight against alcoholism linked?

ANSWER. I think it's hard to reconcile them at all. There is an undeniable contradiction here. The Party is aware of this contradiction, and it went for it consciously, knowing that this moment allowing such a contradiction is the least evil.

When we introduced a vodka monopoly, we were faced with an alternative:

or go into bondage to the capitalists, handing over to them a number of the most important plants and factories, and receive for this the certain funds necessary to turn around;

or introduce a vodka monopoly in order to obtain the necessary working capital for the development of our industry on our own and thus avoid foreign bondage.

Members of the Central Committee, including me, then had a conversation with Lenin, who admitted that, in the event of failure to receive the necessary loans from outside, he would have to go openly and directly to the vodka monopoly, as a temporary means of unusual properties.

This is how the question faced us when we introduced a vodka monopoly.

Of course, generally speaking, it would be better without vodka, because vodka is evil. But then one would have to temporarily go into bondage to the capitalists, which is an even greater evil. That's why we chose the lesser evil. Now vodka generates more than 500 million rubles in income. To give up vodka now means to give up this income, and there is no reason to say that there will be less alcoholism, since the peasant will begin to produce his own vodka, poisoning himself with moonshine.

Serious shortcomings in the cultural development of the village obviously play a certain role here. I'm not even talking about the fact that an immediate abandonment of the vodka monopoly would deprive our industry of more than 1/2 billion rubles, which would have nowhere to be reimbursed.

Does this mean that the vodka monopoly should remain with us in the future? No, that doesn't mean it. We introduced the vodka monopoly as a temporary measure. Therefore, it must be destroyed as soon as new sources for new income are found in our national economy for the further development of our industry. There can be no doubt that such sources will be found.

Did we do the right thing by handing over the production of vodka to the state? I think that's right. If vodka were transferred into private hands, this would lead to:

firstly, to strengthen private capital,

secondly, the government would be deprived of the opportunity to properly regulate the production and consumption of vodka, and,

thirdly, it would make it difficult for itself to abolish the production and consumption of vodka in the future.

Our policy now is to gradually curtail the production of vodka. I think that in the future we will be able to completely abolish the vodka monopoly, reduce the production of alcohol to the minimum necessary for technical purposes, and then completely eliminate the sale of vodka.

I think that we would probably not have to deal with either vodka or many other unpleasant things if the Western European proletarians had taken power into their own hands and provided us with the necessary help. But what to do? Our Western European brothers do not want to take power for now, and we are forced to turn around with our own resources. But it is no longer our fault. This is destiny.

As you can see, some share of responsibility for the vodka monopoly falls on our Western European friends. (Laughter, applause.)

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