What is the difference between selfishness and egocentrism. Difference between selfishness and egocentrism. Forms of manifestation and what is rational or healthy egoism

Selfishness is a motivational orientation of a person, which makes him put his own interests and needs first. A selfish person never does anything without benefit to himself. Although the fact that this is an exclusively negative feature has recently been in doubt. Simply, like many things in this world, everything depends on the degree of manifestation of egoism. But, let's take a closer look.

So, let's start, perhaps, with the designation of clear boundaries for the definition of egoism. Indeed, in everyday life, people often confuse this concept with similar ones. The basis of egoism is, of course, inflated self-esteem. But, this term is associated primarily with behavior that is aimed at achieving the desired result. Sometimes this desire is expressed in "victory at any cost" and "walking over corpses", but it can also take into account the needs of others, if this achieves a common benefit. That is, the egoist does not consider himself the center of the universe. Often, on the contrary, he considers himself “deprived” and therefore constantly strives for more and better. Closest of all in the concept is the phenomenon of egocentrism or selfishness. Here we are not dealing with a model of behavior, but with a setting in a kind of "anointing with God", with the specificity of human thinking.

The egocentric believes that there are two opinions: his and the wrong one. And it's not a joke. Only his ideas are correct, even if he steps on a rake for the hundredth time. He does not listen to arguments and reasoning. The universe closes on him. It is believed that such a manifestation in childhood can be the result of certain events and is significantly weakened at the age of 12 years. As for such beliefs before the age of 8, they are often considered as a completely acceptable stage in the formation of the child's personality, taking into account their leveling by the specified period. But an adult who behaves like an egocentric indicates the problems of his growing up. Apparently, in the early period he had certain traumatic events that did not allow him to adequately mature internally. Or close people (most often mothers) had a hand in this, who inspired him with certain postulates not just of personal significance, but of real super-significance.

The egocentric has a great time alone, because no one disturbs his order. Although, in real life there are people who show mixed traits.

There are also some similarities in the manifestations of egoism and egocentrism, this is the pressure on the guilt of other people. Both egoists and egocentrists are not inclined to feel guilt. Therefore, it is surprising for them to see that such a thing can so clearly affect others. Therefore, in order to be able to take advantage of people, they willingly inspire them with feelings of “inferiority”, and as a result, guilt before them. Moreover, this especially hurts close people, because it inspires the feeling that a person “does not live up to” their level. At first, such a loved one will still try to improve and learn, but seeing that any efforts lead only to another portion of criticism, he begins to doubt the correctness of such judgments. But, after all, the judgments of an egoist, and even more so an egocentrist, are a priori justice. And such relationships begin to rapidly collapse, because it is impossible for a normal person to constantly live with a sense of guilt.

But, there is a difference that fundamentally distinguishes an egoist from an egocentrist - this is a positive component of these manifestations. The fact is that egoism sometimes has a rather positive aspect. Egocentrism never and under no circumstances has it.

Forms of manifestation and what is rational or healthy egoism

It is believed that selfishness is not homogeneous and has a number of forms:

ethical egoism is actually the very egoism that makes a person act in his own interests;
psychological egoism, which is expressed in the fact that human motivation is associated with their own interests;
rational egoism is a statement that a person always has a fundamental priority of his own interests.

And it is precisely with the latter concept that a lot of interesting things are connected. The fact is that in our country for many years there was a certain cult of sacrifice. That is, the dominant principle was the good of society, and the personal good was, to put it mildly, in second place. However, according to many studies, this is contrary to the true nature of man. If a small child is offered one of two slices of a pie, he will choose the larger or better one. As adults, if there are no other important components for us, we act in the same way in case of a choice - we choose the best. What can be these most additional important components? These are the needs of the people who matter to us. And here the concept of reasonable, rational or so-called "healthy" egoism enters into some conflict with its main definition. In this case, egoism is not defined as "to the detriment of others", but goes into the category of "not to the detriment of oneself." And when, when applying for a job, you are asked to indicate the estimated salary, depending on the level of your claims, the “viability” of your rational egoism also pops up.

According to modern psychologists, a share of healthy egoism is necessary in modern society. After all, it makes us feel and defend our significance. After all, as they say, you can’t praise yourself, no one will appreciate you. Reasonable selfishness makes us protest against free extra workloads; demand a raise because we have been employees of the firm for a long time and can evaluate ourselves as “the best and worthy”. Without a share of selfishness, a person is unlikely to appreciate himself that way.

There are many examples of healthy selfishness.

And finally, a person does not want to spend a lot of time warming up food, and he invents a microwave oven; wants to see his wife's hands beautiful, and invents a dishwasher and washing machine; wants to move quickly and comfortably and we have cars, planes, trains at our service, and if at the same time there is a strong desire not to breathe dirty air, electric transport is invented, the subway is rummaged, and diesel locomotives are replaced by ultra-modern electric locomotives that carry selfish passengers who require only the best service and service for their hard earned money. And thus, this most reasonable egoism becomes the engine of progress.

It is also impossible to love others without loving yourself. If every day your altruism is faced with incredible willpower, sooner or later you will begin to think that you are "not appreciated." Like "I spent my life on you, and you are ungrateful." And here the question always arises: “who asked you?”. It was your choice, so it should bring you pleasure; if at the same time you received only negative, then why did you choose (or chose) this? Often this pops up in the mother-child relationship, when mothers completely dissolve in the worries and needs of children. After all, being healthy egoists, they can additionally do what they like and be happy, then their children will be happy. And grown-up children will build their lives without leaving their mother “with nothing”, because she has her own activities. And if just all the activities were children, it becomes unbearable to let them go. After all, life loses its meaning. Children are accused of ingratitude towards parental altruism. But the aforementioned claims are not an example of him at all, but a sign of the most irrational egoism! After all, the postulate: be unhappy because I myself was unhappy because of you - this is the desire to obtain satisfaction without regard to the feelings and needs of another.

Unhealthy selfishness - a dragon with different heads

Thus, it turns out that unhealthy egoism is a very interesting and multifaceted thing. So, selfishness in relationships, when the feelings, needs and desires of the other are not taken into account, tend to end in failure. Because it is impossible for a person to constantly sacrifice without receiving anything in return. Even if someone enjoys this, there still come times when help is needed, because a person can get sick, tired or get into trouble. And an irrational egoist is unlikely to want to strain at the same time.

But, there is another version of selfishness. A person seems to live for someone. For example, he provides for the same family in every possible way: he buys food, clothes and all sorts of benefits. And then he starts complaining that he was underestimated. Stop. But is it really done with concern for others? Did the person in question ask what the loved ones really want? Or are their needs just his personal opinion on it? For example, your child would rather go to an art school in the next street than go to study economics abroad; and your wife enjoyed spending time at the dacha only with you and the garden, and not at a prestigious resort. And you spend your strength and health on earning a “bag of money”, which turns out to be useless and unappreciated by anyone. But, put your hand on your heart, you earn it not for them, but because you and only you deserve the best. So much for selfishness disguised as altruism. And also the path to misunderstandings, quarrels and partings.

If a person assumes "to live for others", he consciously goes to get pleasure from doing good to someone, not wanting anything in return. That is, this behavior completely excludes envy, greed, anger and much more. But, a true altruist cannot cross a certain threshold. For example, if you go to a monastery or want to devote your life to philosophy, this is one thing. But, if it is still important for you to dress your child not in fig leaves, but in “a hundred better”, if you like to eat certain delicious dishes, and not just quinoa bread and water, then you have a share of selfishness, just in reasonable limits.

Consequences of selfishness and what to do

The point of view of modern society on reasonable egoism is to develop it further. People who can value themselves achieve success. But, sometimes resentment is caused by the ability to declare this to the authorities. So it turns out that workers with the same knowledge receive different wages. Now it is clear why, within reasonable limits, it is worth being selfish?

But with true selfishness, without regard to other people, it is worth fighting. But, the problems lie in the fact that it is difficult for such an egoist to understand and accept his problem. Imagine that you have six fingers on your hand and you use them perfectly. Sometimes, however, you get confused and you can’t buy gloves, you have to freeze, but still everything is fine with you and you are unique. How can you still come to the conclusion that you don’t need the sixth finger and this is a problem that needs to be dealt with fundamentally? Of course it's hard and painful.

Estimate how many people who were close to you left you. Think about it, are you happy? After all, most egoists are not happy. And the constant delay behind the ghostly "satiation in everything" deprives them of the taste of the present day. And if so, see a psychologist. Perhaps he will help you find your triggers for forming such an attitude towards the world. And you just have to learn to notice the needs and feelings of the people still around you.

Here it is appropriate to cite one surprising observation of its kind. - Egocentrism and narcissism can be, so to speak, "secondary" - consciously cultivated by people in themselves. Thus, the “victorious march of narcissism” (the title of the essay by A. Sozonova about this phenomenon, see http://hpsy.ru/public/x2262.htm) is now observed in the broad post-Soviet masses, in the well-known absurd reaction of these masses to forced socialist collectivism : everyone is now talking about "themselves beloved", advertising teaches - "the world was created for you", etc. etc.
A more subtle manifestation of self-cultivated egocentrism is a cultural phenomenon known as "aestheticism". Here, everything that appears to a person, an “esthete” - he learns to perceive only as aesthetic phenomena, that is, only as his own impressions, without further reconstruction of his own being perceived - and thus even the most terrible (for others) or bad ( morally) can appear to him as simply entertaining and even beautiful. That is, in order for the spectacle of, say, someone else's death to be used aesthetically, in an aesthetic way, one must find in oneself and cultivate primitive solipsism. Narcissism is included, as noted above, to solipsism "in the kit." Do you want to be a poet? - then “do not sympathize with anyone, love yourself ...”, etc. For to sympathize is, after all, what it means to reconstruct objectivity, to pierce the aesthetic surface of things, while the poet, from an aesthetic point of view, must fundamentally remain on this surface; but “never sympathize with anyone” will not work without narcissism. Let me note: here we are not talking about crude and understandable egoism, but about (a special kind, but still quite repulsive) egocentrism-narcissism.
Egocentrism is also cultivated, in my opinion, by the usual religious attitude: here the believer feels himself in such an attitude to the world in which his (the world's) creator deals with him personally, has his own plans for him, is available at his will, and even, as a result of known sacred actions, can correct by him the given course of things in his, the believer, favor ...

(2) This formula - “doing good to others, I do it for myself” - is also similar to the formula of true morality, reasonable humanity: but the egocentric himself in his good is still similar to a spiritually developed person. - There are parallels: we remain fair even with people who are not sympathetic to us for the sake of our “internal” “God”, that is, for the sake of our own conscience, and therefore, ultimately, “for ourselves”; here, however, in a different from the egocentric sense, namely - “I do not expect anything from this for myself, no benefits or rewards, conscience itself constitutes my “interest”” ... - Well, the human spirit grows from a savage to a rational being millennia, ascends from an egocentric to a human being, recognizing and understanding others, with difficulty, and along with this long ascent of the spirit, the "God" of the savage gradually turns into a familiar metaphor for truth and goodness. “The kingdom of God is within us” (with me, in me, for me): this is conscience. Conscience, which was more understandable to the savage in the form of an all-seeing punishing God, and the God of a reasonable person is only a metaphor for the incorruptible conscience that understands everything in him.
The situation is somewhat different with the egoist. If the conscience in a worthy developed person is what is most important in him, what allows him to respect himself, his dear best self (almost like an egocentric), then for an egoist his conscience is his enemy: after all, she is something that can to prevent him from taking possession of something he wants, when nothing objectively prevents him ...

In everyday usage, "egoist" is more common than "egocentric", so most people tend not to distinguish between these concepts, lumping everything together. And there is a difference between the two.

I really like the understanding of egoism and egocentrism, which I read a long time ago in some book (I don’t remember which one now) and made it my working definition.

The egoist says: "I am the center of the Universe. Therefore, all of you, the people around me, should perceive me exactly like that: you should jump around me, please me, do everything for me, sacrificing your interests for the sake of my interests."

The egocentrist says: “I am the center of the Universe. My personal Universe. It is so great, so interesting and so beautiful that I don’t need anyone else. Therefore, all of you, the people around me, with your problems and worries, with your interests and desires , with your opinions about the world and about me, mean absolutely nothing to me."

Based on the above, egoism and egocentrism are not just different concepts, they are in many ways diametrically opposed concepts.

The egoist needs the whole world - for everyone to revolve around him. An egocentrist does not need anyone, because he has his own world that revolves around him.

If a man does not work, sits on the neck of his wife, who plows three jobs, supporting herself and him, this is a typical egoist.

If a man is a bachelor who starts relationships with women exactly as much as he is interested in, and easily ends them when it ceases to suit him, he is a typical egocentrist.

An egoist cannot be alone for a long time: he needs the attention and care of others. An egocentrist does not need anyone, he is always good with himself.

So, in a nutshell.

These are two very different terms. Better not to confuse them.

Selfishness - always, in all situations, with any people - come purely from personal interests associated with a particular benefit. Material or not, it doesn't matter.

Egocentrism (Enlightened Superegocentrism) is a creed, a position in life when one's own opinion, one's decisions and actions, one's views on any issue, event or deed - are always placed above all others in one's system of values. What is possible, what is impossible, what is good for him, and what is bad, right and wrong - the egocentrist reviews all value judgments through the prism of his position.

Strong, successful and strong-willed people who know how to overcome themselves, take responsibility for others and not be afraid to decide - most often egocentric.

The egoist considers the environment as a source of achieving his goals, and benefits, and only his own.

The egocentrist considers the environment as part of his world, and himself. An egocentrist, as a rule, is capable of "superpersonal" (not related to his immediate interests) actions, simply because it should be so in "his" world.

The egocentrist in his system of values is the subjective center of the universe.

Unlike an egoist, an egocentrist can act and make decisions in favor of other people's interests, which personally may not bring him any benefit.

In the various dictionaries that people often resort to in order to strengthen their argument, one can see that these two concepts are often not separated from each other. So, in some definitions it is written: "Egocentrism is an extreme degree of manifestation of egoism", which, of course, is erroneous.

Egocentrism is actually a term from developmental psychology: up to a certain age, a small child is able to imagine the situation (spatially, etc.) only from his own point of view.

Egoism is an evaluative (judgmentally) colored name for behavior when a person puts his interests in the first place. That for an adult, mature person - in fact, the algorithm is quite normal, where are the attempts to somehow deprive the term of negative connotations (associations): "healthy egoism", for example.

Perhaps the confusion between the ordinary use of the terms "egocentrism" and "egoism" is precisely the result of attempts to somehow separate the two classes of situations:

1) when a person simply follows his own interests first of all (which, perhaps, disappoints people around: they would like the other person to put THEIR interests above their own, or at least in one row, without advantages ... - But how - something is perceived as a variant of the norm). -

2) And when a person does not just put his own interests in the first place, but proceeds from the complete insignificance of the interests of those around him: casually cause grief, ruin, "wipe his feet" about those who are caught - not even out of evil, but because there is me, and everything else is insignificant.

It is clear that the behavior is fundamentally different, and the word in Russian for them is the same: "egoism."

So they try (once again, we are talking about ordinary word usage) to call one of these options "egocentrism", and leave "egoism" for the other. Moreover, a single practice, but on what - what to "stick", which label where exactly - did not work out.

Is a person born selfish or does life make him so? How is selfishness formed in a child? The main condition for the normal development of a person, the main life force is love. She is like the sun that gives life. Probably, many of you have heard about the effect of "hospitalism". This phenomenon has been observed in German orphanages. Despite the fact that the children had everything: food, care, warmth, for some reason they not only developed poorly, but there was also increased mortality. As it turned out, this is the result of the fact that the child is deprived of maternal love. Where the nanny showed love, attention and care to the child, he survived. If this was not the case, the child withered, fell ill, and in some cases died. To survive, a child needs, above all, love.

There are similar situations in a family where the mother is in a state of fatigue, irritation, fatigue: she does not have the spiritual strength to show love for the child. When she feeds him, the child may refuse to feed, scream. He develops digestive diseases and other ailments. G.S. Sullivan, an American psychoanalyst who devoted his research to this, found that if a mother feeds a baby in a state of anxiety, then for him the whole world is painted in dark colors, it becomes scary, threatening, terrible. Children react according to the principle: "all or nothing." Maternal anxiety, even in small doses, causes them an experience of horror, so the situation of feeding becomes scary for the child, and he leaves it, refuses the breast. Many mothers cannot understand why children do not eat well, why they are naughty. And this happens because the situation of feeding becomes traumatic already from infancy due to the condition of the mother herself. It turns out that children are very sensitive to the emotional atmosphere of the family: if it is tense, anxious, dysfunctional, then the mental development of the baby goes according to the type of "hospitalism".

There are also various diseases: physical, and most importantly - mental. The child develops character difficulties. The world for him becomes dangerous, threatening - and this is how egocentrism is formed. The adult becomes dangerous, the world becomes scary, and the child withdraws into himself. We see stubborn children who are afraid and shun adults, children who are negative and aggressive. The mental traumas of infancy absorb all their attention, concentrate their spiritual life on themselves, and in this way an egocentric dominant is formed in them, which distorts the perception of the world around them.

Egocentrism is not the same as selfishness. Selfishness is associated with the life position of using others for one's own purposes, when one's own interests are put in the first place to the detriment of the interests of others. It can be assumed that egoism is associated with egocentrism, but still these are different phenomena.

In her thesis, Marina Yuryevna Kolpakova conducted research with children from an orphanage, whose parents have been deprived of parental rights, and with children from an ordinary kindergarten. We watched how children develop relationships with people, with the world around them, and tried to understand the psychology of egoism and egocentrism. It turned out that there are different roots. Selfish children usually grow up in families where they are pampered, where the only child becomes the center of the family. Egocentric children are children who are often completely deprived of a family, normal maternal care, these are often children from orphanages.

All participants in the study were shown pictures of the TAT (Thematic Apperception Test). In one of the pictures, a boy with an indefinite expression on his face is holding a violin. You can give different answers: the boy is either thinking, or he is studying the violin, or the boy is sitting sad. The answers depend on the state of the perceiver. Children from the orphanage, as a rule, answered that the boy was left, abandoned, he was alone. The same thought also sounded about other similar pictures: let's say a boy is sitting at the threshold, and the children say that they left him, he is alone. Children from the kindergarten answered that the boy was waiting for someone at the doorstep, he was not alone, but he would learn to play the violin, go to school. Particularly indicative was the picture in which the boy was running, and a steam locomotive was visible behind him. Several children from the orphanage replied that the locomotive wanted to run over the boy, the locomotive was running after him.

Egocentrism is a distorted perception. Such a child cannot adequately see the world. He sees danger where there is none. Internal anxiety and trouble form a distorted perception of reality, inadequacy of the worldview. Children from prosperous families saw the situation as favorable, perceived the world in optimistic tones. Children from difficult families responded like pupils from an orphanage.

So, the atmosphere in the family, love or its absence are decisive in shaping the type of personality. And in the focus on oneself as its two varieties, we distinguish between egocentrism and egoism. Egoism often develops where, despite the fact that the child is pampered, he is deprived of spiritual, inner love, that love that gives a sense of belonging to others. Selfishness is also a consequence of the absence of love, but of a different type. With a selfish child, one must behave differently than with an egocentric one. If the egoistic must be placed in conditions where it is necessary to take into account the interests of others, trying to change the habits and attitude of the child, then the egocentric must be treated very carefully. It must be treated with love.

Let us summarize what has been said about the difference between egoism and egocentrism. The egoist uses other people as a means to achieve his own goals, puts his own interests first at the expense of others. Egocentrism is a consequence of mental trauma in early childhood. Such children have an increased level of anxiety, they tend to expect bad things and project their inner spiritual experience onto others.

It happens that in life everything goes “as it should”, but the social circle gradually narrows to zero. You feel like a charming intellectual, and old friends do not invite you to general parties, do not congratulate you on holidays, hide vacation plans. There may be several reasons for this. One of the least pleasant, but most obvious, is your own self-centeredness. How does ego addiction destroy friendships, careers, relationships? Why is it so hard to comprehend? What are the symptoms of self-diagnosis of egocentrism?

We answer questions, and also tell how egocentrics and egoists see the world, what to do if one's own egocentricity poisons life, and what unpleasant discoveries one will have to face on the way to correction.

What is egocentrism

Egocentrism is the life philosophy of a person focused on his feelings, desires, interests, goals, with complete disrespect for other people's boundaries and inability to put himself in the place of another. The very word Ego-Centrism (from the Latin "Ego" - "I-and-Center") reveals the essence of the concept. This is a strong fixation on their experiences, which increases the gap with reality. This is a special worldview of a person, fueled by the illusion that the whole world revolves around him and his “I” invariably turns out to be in the center of this world.

The term "egocentrism" was introduced into psychology by the Swiss philosopher Jean Piaget. Later, his theory was revised and supplemented by a Soviet psychologist Lev Vygotsky. But he also wrote about the “primary narcissism” of the child Sigmund Freud. According to Freud, a person is born, but as he grows up, his “center of attention”, as it were, moves to those around him. True, even before the emergence of concepts with the prefix "ego" in the Russian language there was an ironic and reprehensible expression "the navel of the earth." So called a person who behaves too arrogantly and arrogantly towards others.

Adult egocentrism- this is not a conscious choice, but a learned life position, which was formed by upbringing. A small child is aware of himself as the center of the Universe, where all people, objects and phenomena obey his desires. This happens unconsciously, it is considered the norm and a necessary condition for cognitive activity for children under the age of 7-10 years. As a rule, by the age of 12-14, a teenager begins to test reality and gradually realizes that he is not the center of everything. Children's egocentrism can be transformed into other personality traits. With the right upbringing - in respect for others, empathy, a culture of behavior. If wrong - into selfishness.

But there is also a third option. when a person seems to be stuck in a teenage state of protest, trying to prove to the whole world that he is right. Such people remain egocentric for a long time, wanting to change everything around in their own format.

Ego: egocentrism, egoism - what are the similarities and differences

Different approaches to the nature of egocentrism lead to confusion of concepts. Egocentrism is not just confused with selfishness, but they are mistaken for one for the other. In fact, these are different things.

The egocentric is simply not able to remember the feelings and desires of other people, to sympathize, empathize, see the situation from the outside. Too much concentration of energy on oneself does not allow expanding, letting someone else into it. For example, an egocentric person will explain material without caring about the accessible form of explanation. It is clear to him, so it is clear to others. If it is not clear, then they are basically incapable of understanding something. But if you remind him that others have a different level of education, ask him to give in, the egocentrist will do it without visible irritation.

egocentric says: “I am the center of my personal Cosmos, which is so self-sufficient and developed that no one else is required. The people around me with their predicaments and interests mean nothing to me.”

The egoist, on the other hand, is well aware of the goals and values of other people, but at the same time puts his own interests above all else. At the same time, he can be a charming, sociable person, however, until it comes to caring for other people. His EGO, unclouded by moral feelings, will immediately make it clear that this person will not help, will not support, will not share. After all, it fulfills its main mission - to take care of itself. And let the whole world wait.

The egoist says: “I am the center of the entire Universe and everyone is only obliged to serve it. They should give me the best, listen to my exploits or problems, neglect their interests and feelings.

The egocentrist considers the world a part of his "I". The egoist uses the world and people only to achieve his goals. The egocentrist does not need interlocutors, he is comfortable with himself. An egoist cannot remain alone for a long time: he needs guardianship and the attention of others. The egocentrist lives like this. The egoist masterfully manipulates.

Taking into account all the clarifications, egocentrism and egoism from the point of view of society are two opposite concepts. In religion, these are two vices generated by one sin -. But from the point of view of the personality, egocentrism is much more destructive.

Why egocentrism is so dangerous

Ophthalmologists have the term "tunnel vision" - when a person perceives only what enters the center of the retina, and does not notice objects outside the center. This pathology of vision causes difficulties with orientation in space. The term was borrowed by psychologists to denote the egocentric, painful concentration of a person on his "I", the inability to see someone else's point of view. That's right, if you watch the egocentrist from the side.

From the inside, everything looks a little different.. Egocentrism in its effect is not similar to addiction (on alcohol, games, food) and often coexists with it. This state sucks so much that you understand “everything is bad” with your head, but you can’t do anything. You notice that you are losing friends, but you can’t get off the usual tracks. It's sad, because ego addiction:

Destroys relationships. Concentration on oneself, beloved, inability to give in, understand, sympathize, reduce the likelihood of a strong relationship to zero.
Interferes with a career. An employee who is reliable in all respects, with whom it is uncomfortable to communicate, is rarely promoted up the career ladder. At best, they are appointed to a position that everyone has refused.
Mutes all the good. The “I am the smartest” attitude, complete with hypertrophied suspiciousness, forces us to “keep face” all the time, to seek approval. In the constant desire to “seem, not to be”, kindness, humanity, sympathy disappear somewhere. But unpleasant (and, unfortunately, repulsive) qualities only increase.

Sooner or later, personal egocentricity is realized. Of course, it's better when earlier. If problems in communication begin to worry, you can test for egocentrism.

How to recognize an egocentric in yourself

As a rule, egocentrics are considered toxic people and try to avoid at work or in personal communication. At one point, there are more avoiders than those who want to communicate. The feeling of one's own exclusivity and rightness is replaced by bewilderment. And the result of egocentrism is loneliness.

If you feel like a person who is unpopular in your circle of friends, it may be because of self-centeredness. We tell you in what cases you can diagnose yourself with “egocentrism”. So, the real "terry egocentrist":

Doesn't know how to lose.

There are simply no permanent winners. In practice, even the most intelligent and quick-witted make mistakes, turn out to be wrong. But with an egocentric, this statement does not work. After all, a person who considers any of his actions the only true one is not mistaken. And backs up his conviction with hard arguments. Firstly, he proves his case to the point of hoarseness, to the “last word”. Secondly, it confirms its superiority, regardless of the feelings of the opponent.

Doesn't understand other people's motives.

The actions of others are unpleasantly surprising: employees stop talking in his presence, friends are limited to general phrases. The fact is that the egocentrist does not analyze the reasons that provoked the situation. Since he is not accustomed to consider the feelings of others, the connection between his behavior and the actions of others remains a mystery to him.

Too obviously expecting praise.

To be perfect in everything is a noble desire. But some want everyone around to notice their exploits and praise, praise. If others are not in a hurry to praise, a “backlash” begins - attempts to humiliate others in order to appear better against their background.

Publicly criticizes people.

Of course, no one is immune from gossip. But it's one thing to whisper in a smoking room and quite another to discuss other people's problems in public. The egocentrist does not recognize such "duality". He can publicly make a remark to another about his appearance, give advice about a failed relationship, criticize the work. From this, the number of friends only decreases.

Fantasizes.

Immersion in your inner world causes a lot of fantasies. Limited communication only reinforces this tendency. Fantasies and illusions become the hiding place where you can feel like anyone: a successful businessman, a brave traveler, a noble knight. Unfortunately, this behavior is becoming the norm, which is even more distant from reality.

Considers himself smarter than others.

The egocentric sincerely considers himself a connoisseur of life and generously distributes advice to others. Aggression to attempts to interfere in the affairs of others perceives as ingratitude. He submits his own under a “beautiful wrapper” - he calls the interlocutor’s resistance, the inability to listen to wise advice, psychological resistance. It is impossible to convince him otherwise. After all, he is always right.

Demonstrates "egocentric blindness".

It is the tendency to ignore facts that contradict one's personal beliefs. For example, changes in relations with friends, the egocentric explains other people's oddities, but not his own.

Differs in hypersensitivity.

It's a paradox, but the reverse side of self-centeredness is suspiciousness and sensitivity. The egocentrist is extremely vulnerable, although he tries not to show it to others. Ideally, by the age of 20-25, teenage experiences are left behind, and the opinions of others cease to disturb. But the egocentric still remains in the adolescent state of "primary narcissism", so he lives in constant resistance and drama.

It is impossible to forcefully change an egocentric, because he does not know how to accept someone else's point of view. You can only change yourself.

What to do if you are egocentric

If you recognize yourself in at least a third of the symptoms described, you most likely have a tendency to reflect. - a useful thing, but it alone is not enough. Moreover, you can plunge into self-flagellation, but never begin to change. Therefore, the well-known phrase "Study, study and study again" will be a suitable slogan for change. You will have to learn in different directions: communicate, empathize, understand someone else's point of view, pacify your Ego. The good news is that working on all fronts at the same time is quite feasible.

There is no one universal way to fix the situation. The checklist below can be supplemented with relevant items and crossed out irrelevant. What to do:

Observe.

To begin with, find in your environment a person who, for incomprehensible (still incomprehensible) reasons, attracts people and observe. Pay attention to the little things: how he addresses the interlocutor at the beginning of the conversation, which words he uses to request and which to criticize, how he gestures in an argument and tilts his head in sympathy.

Copy.

As the saying goes, "If you can't draw, copy it." Watching people with whom it is comfortable to communicate, literally copy their gestures, words, whole sentences, facial expressions, reactions to others.

Be silent.

Reduce sarcasm.

Not everyone is capable of appreciating highly intellectual irony. But to be offended, to remember, and if the opportunity arises, to remember this for the offender is completely. If you really want to add humor to life, it is better to use neutral jokes. And leave the sarcasm for the brothers in the shop - the same convinced egocentrics.

Read the classics.

Self-development books are useful, but they don't provide the moral foundation needed for the egocentric. There are so many human relationships in classical literature that it can be used as a reader for one's re-education.

Start studying psychology.

Each person is equally unique and predictable. Most of the situations that have developed in life are already described in books on psychology. If there is no particular predisposition to theoretical psychology, you can start a practical course at the reception of a psychotherapist.

Take care of your appearance.

This is not about hygiene (although it is extremely important), but about jewelry, makeup, clothes. You can experiment with your appearance, remove aggressive makeup from your face, and leave strange or sloppy things for trips to the country.

Follow facial expressions.

You can feel like a sociable and friendly person, but broadcast the opposite with your face. It is difficult to work out the “correct” facial expressions in front of a mirror alone. It’s easier to install a mirror on your desktop and watch how the lip begins to curl contemptuously during a telephone conversation, and when, during an argument, the face becomes angry and unattractive.

To help.

You don't have to go straight to a homeless shelter. You can train your goodwill in other ways: help load the stroller on the bus, show you the right street, pay for your grandmother in the store. And celebrating someone else's gratitude is important.

Thank.

Say "thank you" to sellers, hairdressers, conductors, janitors. Of course they do their job. But words of gratitude also do not require extra effort.

Don't expect quick results.

The image of an egocentric-inadequate was created over the years. And for sure there are many people who have not had the most pleasant impression of you. It will take months or even years to fix it.

Practice the art of compliments.

If there used to be a “find-something-to-criticize” game, now it is better to replace it with a “find-something-to-praise” game. This does not mean that you need to sing endless praises to everyone. Unobtrusive, a few pleasant words and a simple smile upon meeting open the door to the heart of the interlocutor better than tortured praise.

Perhaps these points will seem childishly naive (especially from the height of your ego). But, like all simple things, they work. Especially if you do not neglect the point about psychology. Then theory and practice can be combined.

True, along with successful practice, a painful insight will come:

As soon as you learn to put yourself in the place of another, you begin to understand: whom you offended, whom you pushed away, whom you pushed aside thanks to your egocentrism. And how hard it is now to fix it all.
You see the shortcomings of parenting and you start to get angry: why did parents cherish the children's Ego so stubbornly.

The main thing is not to focus on self-digging and self-flagellation for too long, but to move on. Because everything that was left unsaid, not loved, not cried in the past (this is called an incomplete gestalt), can be completed in a psychotherapy session.

findings:

Egocentrism is a cult supported by the personality itself.
Egocentrism and egoism are different concepts. True, with the same origin.
It is painful to realize your egocentrism. But living alone is even more painful.
By approaching people at a safe pace, you can gradually learn to empathize, understand, accept differences.