“I take it out on loved ones, nothing pleases! What to do? In the modern rhythm of life, we are increasingly losing control

Behind any parental breakdown lies something important. And most often spanking and swearing - from impotence. This impotence in relation to one's own childhood, to the norms and rules learned in the parental family, to life in a totalitarian Soviet system. From your own emotions, fatigue, congestion, unresolved problems at work and with loved ones.

And of course, this impotence in educational measures. Parents speak directly about this: “We have no examples of how to raise a worthy person without a belt and flip flops.”

At the moment of a breakdown, mom or dad is covered with such a powerful emotional wave that the simplest and most powerful patterns of behavior wake up, for example, an aggressive reaction. It gives some relaxation, and thus the pattern is fixed. With each breakdown, he gains more and more power over the person.

Just forbidding yourself to scream, spank, hit is not enough. The reaction grows from the depths, and there it needs to be changed. To do this, it is important to build a strategy and implement it step by step.

A strategy for transitioning to a safe relationship with a child:

Work with your own feelings and attitudes,

Create a secure contact

Teach your child to obey.

Work with your own feelings and attitudes

Realizing your emotions that led to a breakdown and learning how to live them more environmentally is the main task of working on yourself for parents.

Essentially, it’s about learning to think about emotions right at the point they arise.

The following questions will help with this:

What did you feel at the time of the breakdown? Anger? Rage? Resentment? Impotence?

How did these feelings manifest themselves on the bodily level - did you want to stomp, wave your arms, clench your fists, increase your heart rate?

What are these feelings like? In what other situations in the present or in the past have you encountered a similar reaction - in yourself or in other people?

Most often, a combination of fatigue and internal factors is behind parental impotence in a breakdown.

It is best to keep a diary and answer these questions in writing. At first, these will be recordings in the wake of a breakdown, but over time, you will learn to “catch” your feelings right at the moment of their occurrence. This skill greatly reduces the degree of reaction.

Behind parental impotence in a breakdown is most often a combination of fatigue and internal factors (traumatic situations from the past, childhood experience, dissatisfaction with life). Rest more, take care of yourself - the most common advice given by friends and colleagues. Yes, it's important, but that's not all.

Exercise can help parents with children

Psychologists have an obligation to undergo personal therapy. This is necessary in order not to confuse client stories with your own, in order to expand your view of problems, to maintain internal balance when meeting with strong emotions of other people. What do we have to do?

1. Emotionally close unpleasant and traumatic stories from own life including from childhood. There are different methods of how to do this, but the result is the same - the memory of a difficult event will cease to "cling", cause tears and difficult conditions. You can tell the story to a close, supportive person over and over again. Or write down your thoughts and feelings in a diary, draw. There are many professional approaches to healing trauma, you can turn to a specialist.

2. Learn to look at the situation from the outside. There is a special exercise for this. For example, in a store where you are usually a little annoyed by a line or a saleswoman, try to imagine that all this is happening on TV. You are just watching a news story. Try not to get involved, find a "magic wand" - count the dots on the wallpaper, consider the pattern on the floor. Having practiced on simple situations, you can try more complex ones. Imagine whining "Mom, I want ice cream!" - Also a TV show. Do not turn on, find a distraction for your emotions.

3. Be able to withstand the strong feelings of children. I'll give you an example. The child scratched his knee and cries, he is very upset, it hurts. Mom is also upset and scared, wants to calm the child as soon as possible and says: “Don't cry, it's all over! Here's some candy for you!" As a result, the child eats candy, everyone calmed down. However, both the child and the mother safely avoided contact with their feelings.

Learn to look at the situation from the outside. For example, in a store where something usually irritates you a little, try to imagine that all this is happening on TV. Try not to get involved

And another example. The same child, the same knee. Mom gets in touch with the feelings of the child: “Yes, you are in pain and you are upset, but this is how it happened - let me help you calm down, and then we will buy a band-aid and treat your knee.”

Mom endures the pain and resentment of the child and helps him cope with his feelings, naming and accepting them.

By following these recommendations, you can be more calm about moments of disobedience, whims, tantrums, whining, learn to maintain your inner state, despite fatigue, and more effectively help the child in solving his needs.

It is quite possible to do something on your own by picking up books and articles. Especially difficult problems are best solved together with a family psychologist.

Create a secure contact

Attachment theory proves that a child needs consistent parental behavior, this creates internal security, and there will be less impotence in his adult life.

Sanctions for disobedience and a pleasant pastime should be deliberate and consistent. For example, parents introduce a rule and a sanction: “If you don’t clean the room, you don’t play the console.” And each time it is necessary to monitor the implementation of the rule - consistently. When you don’t get out once and there is no sanction, this is already inconsistent.

Or, for example, there is a tradition on Saturdays to visit your grandmother for a delicious feast. This happens every Saturday, except in exceptional cases - consistently. Of course, entertainment and gifts can also be spontaneous - this is for joy. And the sequence in actions is for internal security.

Joy in a relationship is also important. Remember what you most like to do with your child? Fooling around or hugging? Do crafts? Read? Do it more often

Joy in a relationship is also important. Remember what you most like to do with your child? Fooling around or hugging? Do crafts? Watch educational films together? Read? Do it more often!

Relying on values helps to consciously build contact. Think about what values are behind your parenthood - family, care or joy? What actions can you broadcast them to children?

For example, for you, family value is caring for each other. How can you teach this care to your children? Of course, by their own example - taking care of themselves, of a partner, of elderly parents, helping charitable organizations. And then the family dinner can become not a formal gathering of the family, but a place where children learn to care.

Teach your child to obey

Often the reason for the breakdown is the disobedience of children. One mother said: “The first few times I calmly told him not to climb on the cabinet, then three more times I shouted it, and then I had to spank!” Mom in this situation simply did not know how to influence her son.

Listening is as important a skill as speaking or reading. After all, we teach our children various useful things and do not think that they themselves should be able to do this. But often we do not teach them obedience, but immediately demand the result!

How to teach a child to obey?

Gradually and consistently introduce a system of rules and consequences.

You can teach obedience in a game or in a fairy tale - on the example of toys or fairytale heroes show how rules and consequences work.

You can contact a specialist in the correction of child-parent interaction for professional methods on how to teach a child the skill of obedience.

Sometimes it seems that powerlessness is inseparable from parenthood. Indeed, there are situations in which we - parents - can not do anything. But this does not apply to our failures, such problems are completely solvable.

Books to help:

Irvin Yalom "Mommy and the Meaning of Life"
Donald Winnicott "A Conversation with Parents"
Irina Mlodik "Metamorphoses of parental love"
Daniel Goleman "Emotional Intelligence"
Sergey Shabanov and Alena Aleshina “Emotional intelligence. Russian practice"

about the author

Systemic family psychotherapist. Her website.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I'm Alice, I'm 32 years old. Married for 3 years, have a child for 2 years.

Now I realized that I have no control over the situation and myself. I can explode and scream, say nasty things to my husband and spank the child, and I can’t even remember how many things and dishes I broke during these 3 years with my husband. I boil for any reason, I scream more often than just talk to my husband. It infuriates me that he is silent and looks at the floor, in such situations with my mother I tried to look into the eyes. It infuriates that he doesn’t hug, and a lot of things annoy me, although it would seem a trifle. The situation is such that I am working now, and he is sitting with the child. At work, this does not manifest itself, maybe only as irritation in my voice, but I quickly pull myself together. Cases with work are rare, and even though there are intrigues, grinding and digging "for me", since I came there later than everyone else, to the place of a girl on maternity leave, besides, it seems to me that this began much earlier.

According to my recollections, perhaps when I went to first grade. Mom began to put pressure on me, and maybe their first divorce added trauma. Or, when in class 5, I turned to her for help, because I was bullied at school: "It's my own fault." She is talking about the first time in the first grade, when the teacher could not find out who the instigator of the Sabantuys was, at that time I was sitting at my desk. I don't remember, my mother told me. For that, one episode surfaced in my memory when I felt so offended, from not knowing, my own helplessness and the anger of the teacher .. but in order. In the middle of second grade, I was about to turn 8 or about to turn 8, autumn child, I was hit by a car. Kamaz was driving at high speed through the village, as my mother later said, he should not have gone there, it was forbidden for freight transport. I won after my mother and son, they ran across in front of the tram and I was saved by the reaction of the driver and the fact that I began to move back. The driver persuaded my mother not to file an application, since he hadn’t had any accidents before and he was worried about me, he brought me to school ... I don’t know, my mother worked in the police then, but I didn’t go into details then ... so here’s the episode, which I want to talk about, follows this. First, the girls from the school came to me: "The teacher made me come and find out how you are here." She communicated with only two of those who came and did not want to go out, since the floor of her face was covered with a crust in blue-red stains and was swollen. Mom insisted: "Your girlfriends came, it's not decent." They didn't sit there for a long time, put the fish cookies into their tea, never finished drinking this mess. Cookies were a rarity with us, my mother and I lived together. While she is at work, I am at home alone. No one else seemed to come. As my face healed, I went to school. Control on the same day. Wrote it on "2". My first two! I studied for almost five. I was insanely upset, my head was spinning a little, there was a concussion after the accident. She leaned against the box and, apparently, stood for a long time, as she attracted the attention of one of her friends and she asked about the assessment. I answered her, she told me to go to the teacher and ask to rewrite the control. “No, I should have studied at home,” the teacher answered angrily, her face contorted with anger, so that her saliva flew at me. I don’t remember whether it came from my mother or not, but since then I’ve gone into the trinity and closed in on myself. I also remembered that after the accident and the doctor, we were lying on the couch with her and I asked not to leave, otherwise I would jump from the 4th floor where I lived. Where I got this from, I don't know. I remember that I wouldn't, I just didn't want to be alone. When I was 6, we moved to this house and I never made any friends there. There were those with whom I communicated from time to time, but not that much. Mom liked that I read and sew something, she did not take it seriously. That I come at 22.00, although I became a teenager, but more often at home, until 18, until I went to college. How did she go ... from the middle of the 10th grade, she transferred me there. Having said that I am a double-dealer and will not pull 11, I will only disgrace her too.

Perhaps this episode with the accident is the beginning of a protracted depression. Relations with my mother have always been strained, she is a dictator, she needs to keep everything under control, moreover, she asks the same thing several times, and when I start to get annoyed, she remembers the answer. She didn’t put my phrases and opinion into anything until she got me this job and, based on the reviews of other people, she draws up her own picture of me. It feels like she just now began to recognize me and listen. Before - screams, scandals, humiliation, manipulation, beatings accompanied my life, dad ran to the garage, from her or her attention switched to me so that she would not scream at him. Yes, and he came up with the nicknames “brake” and “twice”, so he called me often, my mother less often, but the first one sounded so long that I stopped hearing it.

Even now I have problems in making decisions, because she did not give me a choice or made me have to agree to her conditions: "otherwise you will not get anything at all." There was an episode that I asked a relative to look after our child, she also has a child of our age, as my mother asked me to do something for these guests. They came to visit apples, my mother came without warning and brought them, because: "This is my house, I came to my house, I will still ask permission." So mom went to water: "Poorly watered" and pulled the hose so that our child, it turns out, crouched on it, almost hit his head on a brick curb. I just turned away and walked away, and my husband was returning after completing the assignment. My husband and I are to blame, not the guest, who at that moment put her daughter next to her and they ate a plum, with their backs to our child.

Anger and resentment accumulated a lot. I thought I could handle it. After college, she chose a faculty for me, because the one that I wanted was not bad. education. I didn’t study better, but I also got hooked on the computer game, didn’t get enough sleep, began to play truant, imitating leaving for the university or returning. I'm good at lying. I thought of everything in advance. But, then the episodes with an ex-girlfriend, an ex-boyfriend, it’s not so important here, but there was a moment that I got a sore throat at the beginning of my second year, then I didn’t play online and didn’t play truant, I tried to study. in general, she did not believe and forced to go to the university. Stayed with a guy. I wouldn’t want to go to the hospital, but my mother said she was studying ... and the former was not very smart and was younger than me. in general, I got sick on my feet.

My husband says that I am aggressively talking to her, which I do not notice at all. I scold her in the game with our child, forbid her to ride with him on her knees in the car behind the wheel or, as two weeks ago: "I'll drive off, let her sit in the next chair." I know that I am right, but I behave with her in the same way that she behaved with me once. She is inferior in some way, but there are quarrels with window dressing. It is important for her to be thought well of, and she does not care that she gave away my turtle, which I took care of myself while I was in summer camp for a month. There were also cats, but dad kicked and scolded them. One with his arrival climbed under the bathroom, from there crawling into my room, under the sofa. I loved this cat very much. Mom then gave her to someone, they got ready for vacation and returned the cat to us, mom gave her back, but already to the village to her grandparents and after she had settled down and fed the kitten, she was taken somewhere else. She has double standards and doesn't keep her word. Relatives from Moscow arrived, so I serve them: "They are guests." We came to them: "Help clear the table, wash the dishes, we're visiting!" Do I need to say that since I was 14 years old, only I cooked and cleaned at home? "You're a quitter!" "What business can you have?" There was no question of cinema and gatherings in a cafe. They didn't give me cash, and I didn't ask for it. I didn't play with the boys either. 50 rubles a day when I started studying at the university, 30 rubles a day for travel. When I went to college, I realized that I could look after my own interests, and when the curator of the group knocked out a rate for us for practice, I also realized that I can work myself! It was summer and school was over, I told my mom that I went through a probationary period in the store

clothes and should start tomorrow. Shouted, did not give money. When she “came out”, she got a job as a promoter, she didn’t tell her. And for the practice that we were paid for, I bought a videotape and a swimsuit, spending less than half. She yelled and took the money. She took away what was given. Never explained: "Because I said so." In the third grade, I began to steal from her, so as not to be even more of an outcast, because everyone in the class had money. Didn't understand either. She brought me to my grandmother, she beat me with a rubber hose from a typewriter. Then it happened again, but I stole it for a magazine, in class 8. It’s funny to remember, but I didn’t know the meaning of money and their name when I first stole it.

Sometimes I ask my mother about some episodes from the past, now something becomes clearer, but we still swear. In the spring, before she got a job, I told her for an hour everything that had accumulated, that I remembered. Yes, and I was bad again.

Constant stress is exhausting, there are problems with the heart, health, I also sleep badly, work on schedule. My cries also traumatize the child, I want to get rid of this and sincerely love the child and be grateful to my husband, he really does a lot for me. He, too, began to notice signs of a "nervous breakdown."

The psychologist answers the question.

Accumulated grievances, dissatisfaction with life - all this can cause an outbreak of aggression. One wise man said: "If you want to build a harmonious world, start with yourself." First you need to let go of resentment towards your mother. To do this, you need to ask her for forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness for not being the way she expected, for not being good at school, and for all the things you might have done wrong. If you can't do it in person, you can do it on paper. Write a letter to mom. Mom can not send a letter. The main thing is to express everything that is felt. You may have to write not one, but several letters.

Any emotions, whether positive or negative, must find a way out. When a person splashes out emotions, he gets a discharge. Therefore, if a flash of anger overtakes, you can retire to the bathroom, turn on the water and express everything that has accumulated. You can speak to the vacuum cleaner, and anything you like. A good helper in the fight against bouts of anger can serve as a mirror. You can look at your distorted face in anger, build grimaces, thus improve your mood.

In addition, it is worth at least a little time to devote to your favorite activities (hobbies, sports, walking, etc.).

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The main secret of working with irritation is awareness and acceptance of this feeling. A little more - and you will be ready to burst with anger? Take a break and try to realize the extent of your irritation. Is it a strong dissatisfaction with some specific actions of loved ones, or are you one step away from yelling - just like that, for no particular reason? Perhaps you are tired, have not eaten for a long time, have not slept enough, are upset about something? Learn to identify the true cause of irritation - and it will be easier to deal with anger.
Allow yourself and your loved ones to experience all feelings, including negative ones - they are also part of our personality and have the right to exist. But it is important to learn how to express them correctly - constructively and safely for others. This will help and work with a psychologist, and some games and exercises that you can do on your own. For example, you can play the board games “Our Feelings” and “Emotional Lotto” with the whole family, developed by psychologist Julia Gippenreiter and helping children and adults learn to understand, recognize and express their emotions, or create a special “box of anger” where all family members they will be able to “send” their negative emotions (they can be described or depicted schematically on colored stickers, crumpled up a piece of paper, thrown into a box with force).
Make sure that you have enough time for yourself: that you really have such minutes and hours during the day, week, month when you do not have to take care of the needs or feelings of other family members. Perhaps, allocating this time on purpose, at first you will feel guilty: suddenly something happens without your attention or someone gets upset. But any parent needs to restore their resources by doing "adult" things or doing something exclusively for themselves - otherwise the risk of psychological burnout increases.
Clarify the issue of boundaries in the family: often the reason for irritation is that your boundaries are constantly violated. Voice them: “I don’t allow you to touch the things on this chest of drawers because they are mine”, “I just entered the apartment and I need 15 minutes to recover.” At the same time, respect children's boundaries: give the child the right to choose, be consistent in your decisions, even just knock on the door before entering the nursery.
When addressing children, be specific. Instead of "be good," say, for example, "get your toys off the floor and don't tease your sister." Are you giving an order? Make it more specific: not "order in the kitchen", but "clean dishes in their places, clean floor, clean stove." For clarity, the main requirements can be depicted in the form of posters or reminder notes, which will list the steps for action.
Allow yourself to be sometimes a “bad mom”: no one can always remain calm and optimistic, we are not robots! Say to yourself: "Yes, I'm not a perfect mom, sometimes I make mistakes, and that's okay." Find someone to complain about your teaching failure: let it be your mother, sister, or girlfriend. It is important that they can deal with your complaints without a strict assessment, without a desire to share their experience. Moral support will be enough to make you feel more confident.
Find ways to express your feelings and vent your irritation and aggression using your body and voice: jump and dance to loud music, shout (not specific words, but vowels and interjections), roll on the floor, have a pillow fight.

Last straw

On the way, they step on your foot, and you silently clench your teeth. At work, the boss scolds for some trifle. Your friend is late and you pretend like nothing happened. It may be difficult for you to tell people that they are wrong and behave ugly. Or do you just think that this will ruin the relationship. Or maybe you think that this is indecent and you need to restrain your emotions.

You endure a week or a month, and then explode and pour out all the accumulated emotions on a random person. A second after this surge, you begin to blame yourself and do not understand how this happened.

What to do. Try to express your emotions immediately in each case. You can verbalize your feelings (“it hurts me”, “it hurts me to hear this”) or write down all the feelings on paper without self-control (after that, the papers can be burned).

You get hurt

There is some situation in your past that started it all. And most likely you don't remember it. For example, at two years old, your mother did not pick you up from kindergarten, and the teacher said that your mother left you. And now, every time someone is late, you explode because you experience that same childhood pain, you feel lonely and abandoned.

Any strong emotions that arise inside are an indicator of trauma. You can suppress or express them, but until you work through them, the reaction will not change. At this point, you are not behaving like an adult, but like a little two-year-old child. In this case, you will react in the same way to any delay, regardless of the person.

What to do. At the time of the incident, breathe, move into the state of an observer (as if looking at yourself and the situation as a whole from the outside). But this is just a temporary measure that does not solve the problem globally.

You can also consciously track why you are exploding. What is the reason? What do you feel at this moment? This will help you resolve the issue faster.

To completely get rid of the injury, you need to work out this situation with a specialist. After working through, this behavior will simply stop touching you, maybe you won't even notice it.

Adrianna Van Groningen/Unsplash

Others can, but I can't

Once you forbade yourself to behave this way, and someone in front of your eyes does just that. Often this reaction is caused by children, and it annoys you.

For example, someone is laughing out loud in the park, but you can’t calmly look at it, everything boils inside. You urgently leave or start swearing, warning and screaming. Because that's not possible!

But it’s impossible for you - this is a ban. If you remember yourself as a child, you will surely find the moment when you forbade yourself to laugh out loud, jump, or just be happy. Maybe “adults don’t behave like that” and you decided to become an adult at 10 years old.

What to do. Allow yourself what has been forbidden for so many years. Realize that at any age you can be happy, you can do childish nonsense and pranks. Not forgetting about sustainability: these pranks should not harm you or other people. Obviously, you can scream in the forest or at the sea, but terrorizing your neighbors with fervent screams after midnight is superfluous.

It hurts you: you also think so about yourself

There are two people: one full, the other thin. A passer-by throws the phrase: “You should lose weight!” Who do you think will explode and who might not even hear it? The one who thinks about himself this way will notice, even if he tries with all his might to hide it. At the same time, if a person considers his form to be excellent, this most likely will not hurt him.

When a person is confident in himself or in his product, he perceives any criticism calmly, as an opinion. And these little things will not make him give up all his affairs, waste time arguing with a boor or tears into his pillow.

What to do. Study . Change your opinion of yourself and do not allow the opinions of others to influence self-esteem.

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Why is it important to experience emotions?

When you block emotions, you harm yourself. After all, when there are enough of them, they begin to manifest themselves at the physical level. When you express your emotions, you get sick less. But the surrounding people should not suffer from their too bright living.

Here are some ways to eco-friendly experience of emotions:

physical activity with the intent to release fear/anger (running, squatting, boxing, dusting carpets, or kneading hard dough);
meditation with the request “I want to live and let go”, “I want to understand the situation”;
drawing your feelings on paper, getting rid of the trash, or eco-friendly paper burning with the intention of releasing all the guilt/anger;
allowing yourself to live emotions, to give vent to feelings;
shower with the intent to cleanse.

Where is the happiness?

When you recognize and process your trauma, you release a tremendous amount of energy. You used to need it to block out pain and hide your true self from everyone. Each block released increases your sensitivity, your ability to rejoice, your ability to relax and just be.

When you are who you are and start, then over time you stop criticizing yourself. You are aware of your reality and do not live in illusions. You start to develop and achieve your goals.

Reduce the number of situations and people that annoy you. Nor do you create new blocks and psychosomatic illnesses. You are not overwhelmed by a bunch of thoughts and complaints about the world. Then there is time for something. And then you can live, feel, notice every moment and enjoy it.

The word "diet" is associated with a panacea for excess weight in most women. But alas, short-term ones either do not give any results at all, or provoke an early return of weight with bonuses. Others are effective, but extremely tough, so failures on them are almost guaranteed. How to avoid the latter, let's figure it out.

The opinion of nutritionists

Competent qualified nutritionists always say that it is worth choosing a long-term nutrition system for yourself.

The risk of falling out of the race during a rigid mono-diet is extremely high, therefore, if you do not want to drive yourself into a cycle of breakdowns and hunger strikes, a soft and long-term diet, more like a lifestyle, will be a rational solution.

Another subtle issue is motivation. Ladies with an iron will constantly reproach their "magnificent" opponents for its deficiency. Like, since you are constantly breaking down, you don’t want to lose weight too much. In fact, the second can have much more desire to find an ideal figure. But desire alone, as we all know, is not enough.

To gain powerful motivation for specific actions aimed at achieving an ideal body, it is important to decide why you are losing weight.

If you want to please someone or be like a Hollywood star, you can immediately leave this idea. Since you are objectionable to someone in this weight, no one will give you a guarantee that they will begin to admire you with the desired thinness. Lose at least 50 kg of excess weight, you will always remain yourself, with your own advantages and disadvantages.

Returning unfaithful husbands and striving to become a different person are completely ineffective motivational factors. Moreover, in 99% of cases, they mean bitter disappointment in the end.

The Right Motivation

First of all, decide what exactly you are losing weight for. It is better if you begin to rely not on a ghostly image, but on your own ideal. Take as an example how you looked 5, 10 or 15 years ago. The main thing is that it was you, which means that you may well become like that again! A specific profit is guaranteed to allow you not to break even with a very strict diet.

For example:

I will look great in any outfit, even an ultra-short skirt and tight-fitting shorts;
I will no longer be forced to find a photographic pose where my stomach is pulled in to the limit, and my flabby triceps do not hang off my shoulder when I hug someone;
I will feel good all the time - I will forget about shortness of breath when climbing to the third floor and will not start to sweat when walking a half-kilometer distance. I will feel constant lightness, cheerfulness and a surge of strength;
I will stop envying other women who look prettier and younger than me;
I will begin to like myself in the mirror, and I will no longer have to be sad from contemplating cellulite and sagging in my reflection;
I will become more resilient and athletic, easy-going;
I will not reproach myself for every breakdown, and punish myself with hunger strikes, falling into a depressed state;
I will finally achieve perfection, and I will have more time for productive things.

But keep in mind that comparing weight loss with love for yourself and your body is a priori a utopian idea. If you don't love yourself now, you won't love yourself in the ideal state.

Hatred of your pounds is also not a motivation. On the contrary, you should love yourself so much that you constantly want to improve and become even better!

Write for yourself a list of the pros and cons that you will gain as a result of losing weight. Don't forget to reward yourself for your results.

And also fix the promises to yourself in this list. For example, for every 5 kg, promise yourself a “outing” to a SPA-salon, an expensive designer dress, a trip to the sea.

This will give you an extra push to take action. Some women manage to motivate their husbands by giving a fur coat (of course, a miniature size), a ring, and even a car for the transformation.

With the correct setting for weight loss, we decided. Now it is important to realize the planned plans in real life. But in practice, as a rule, everything is not so cloudless and easy. If you have already decided to go on a diet and stick to it, you must endure to the bitter end.

Little female tricks will help in this.

Give up alcohol and caffeine - these drinks stimulate the appetite and negatively affect the metabolic processes in the body (although caffeine is a natural stimulant, it should be consumed extremely rationally and in moderation).
Do not eat while working at a computer, watching TV and reading gloss;
Don't eat stress! Nervous strain is not a reason to eat tightly. You simply lack that very hormone of joy - serotonin, and you can extract it not only from a bar of chocolate. Better visit a beauty salon, go for a massage, go on a trip.
Never eat with disgust and with force, otherwise overeating will become a habit. For example, if you decide not to eat after 18.00, but are already full by this time, you should not “throw” food into yourself by force, just to be in time “before X hour”. If later you feel strongly about eating, allow yourself an apple or drinkable yogurt.
Find yourself an interesting and exciting hobby that every time will distract you from intrusive thoughts about food. Ideally, if it is a sport or gymnastics. In this case, you will not only not break loose, but will also achieve the desired effect much faster.
Argue with someone, and preferably for money. It is not necessary to be a greedy person to motivate yourself with material means. You should simply feel sorry for spending money anywhere just because of your laziness or weakness of will. Make a bet with one of your friends and keep your word.
Start an online diary. It will be easier for you to stay on the intended path if thousands of people know about your achievements. And, to be honest, in front of them you will be ashamed to admit your failures.

What to do if you are off your diet

Do not continue to eat under any circumstances. On the same day, limit yourself to food as much as possible.
Calmly and confidently follow the diet further, and not from tomorrow, but from today.
Don't punish yourself! No need to starve yourself for the slightest oversight.
"Work off" your mistake in the gym or at home, through a forty-minute or hour-long workout. Or clean the whole apartment. It is too effective method burn extra calories.
Get on the scale and take measurements. Repeat the process in a few days to find out how much the relapse has hurt you - this will give you another motivating factor.

Be slim and attractive!