In what situations is it better to remain silent? Sometimes it's better to remain silent. Seven situations where honesty only makes things worse. When You Should Listen to Others

The difficult choice between "keep silent" or "say" has to be made quickly and intuitively. But still there are situations when it is obvious that it is better to remain silent than to speak.

When is it best to remain silent?

Honesty and sincerity are worthy of praise, but sometimes a frank and truthful remark can greatly complicate the relationship with others. It is better to remain silent about the shortcomings (character or appearance) and not criticize a person whom you do not know well and cannot predict how he will react. Of course, if it is necessary to put a presumptuous villain in his place, this is another matter, in other cases it is better to remain silent. There are situations when it is impossible to remain silent, in which case it is better to make a remark in line with constructive criticism.

It's better to remain silent about their plans, about unfulfilled ideas. Why? Psychologists are convinced that by declaring intentions and announcing your goals, you turn them into a “social reality”. Thus, you mislead your own brain, it thinks that the goal has become closer, a feeling of satisfaction sets in, and the incentive to work on the goal decreases. Learn more about this theory from the article - "Why silence is golden?".

It is better to remain silent even in a situation where you do not understand the essence or the topic of the conversation is not known. There are people who, in order to seem smarter, are ready to participate in any conversation, and very often it ends funny for them. If you do not fully understand the meaning of the conversation (you are not present at first, you do not know people well, etc.), it is better to keep silent, do not interfere. It is also better to remain silent if you do not understand the topic of the conversation - you will look smarter. It is impossible to know everything, you are not Wasserman, you are forgiven.

As one said a wise man“When you drink good wine, don’t ask where it comes from, but an honest man don't ask - about his religion and background." Religion, politics and national question- Topics are very sensitive. It is better to remain silent! Some people may even react to neutral or positive words regarding these topics in the most unpredictable way.

keep silent or refuse to answer in a situation where you are required to make quick decisions, and the matter concerns difficult things - very smart. You have time to think, weigh all the pros and cons. Quick acceptance of unexpected offers is often shortsighted. If in an offer (collaboration, sale, transfer to another position, etc.) you feel pressure, and you are told that it is valid for two or three minutes, remember smart will keep silent or answer "no". By the way, a similar way to get a quick answer (“Decide now or never ...”) is one of the ways to manipulate a person. So it's better to remain silent.

When discussing third parties in a conversation, people often baselessly and unsubstantiatedly pour accusations right and left. Such criticism can only be called slander. Therefore, when it comes to discussing a person (especially who is not around), better to remain silent than to speak something based on conjecture and conjecture. Imagine that for every word of untruth you can be sued or you “can be pulled up by the tongue” (yes, pulled up so much that it won’t seem enough). And even if out of twenty people who speak about us, nineteen tell a lie, we should not be like such people. Remember, slander is an instrument of envy, and envy does not lead to good.

If you speak, but they don’t listen to you, you should immediately shut up, otherwise you may be considered an intrusive and annoying person. And to make it look beautiful, you can use some kind of distracting situation (for example, remember that you need to call). It is also not worth resuming a conversation that did not arouse interest and a conversation that was interrupted not on your initiative. It will have to be asked.

If in the above situation you cannot say to yourself: I would better keep silent», « I just keep silent”, Perhaps then you need to think about how to get rid of talkativeness and verbosity?

Sometimes there are moments when you really want to answer. And at the same time, you know that if you don’t keep silent now and open your mouth, you will say a lot of bad things, offend a person and, possibly, ruin your relationship with him forever. It is especially difficult to remain silent when a person deliberately brings you to this state.

What to do in such situations? Keep silent? To answer? And when exactly is it worth answering, and when is it really better to remain silent? Psychologists, as always, know the answer. Well, or at least trying to find a way out of this unpleasant situation.

So, you are in a situation where you really want to express everything that you think, but this will be the beginning of the end. How do you know when you can speak your mind and when it is better to remain silent?

Psychologist and Ph.D. Leon F. Seltzer offers his vision and identifies eight situations when it is better to bite your tongue.

Option number 1. When you can offend someone, but do not affect the resolution of the situation in any way

If you understand that this is your personal assessment of the situation and it may offend the interlocutor, but it will not help to solve the problem at all, it is better to remain silent. Some people can be very responsive and friendly, but also very impulsive and touchy (and this is a very common combination). As a rule, in this state they do not accept someone else's point of view.

What to do if they annoy you with their actions? Try to internally analyze this conflict for yourself personally, draw conclusions and try to deal with your disappointment internally, and not express your point of view to your opponent.

Option number 2. To the question: “Is it true that I turned out terribly in the photo?”

This question usually has two answers. First - you will try to convince him of the opposite, at least out of politeness, even if the person really looks terrible. The second is the truth, whatever it may be. Both of these options are not very suitable, since in the first case a person will go to a meeting or work in a terrible state, and in the second he will be very upset. You can only speak directly like this to a person with normal self-esteem, who normally treats criticism.

In this case, it is difficult to be original, since this is precisely the “better to remain silent than to speak” option.

Option number 3. When the interlocutor deliberately causes negativity in you

Very convenient, by the way, because later you can say that you started it and accuse you of being rude. Very often, passive-aggressive people behave in this way, who seem to do nothing special, but by their behavior and actions they try to evoke maximum negative emotions.

When criticism (albeit constructive) is addressed to you, you automatically turn on self-defense mode, and this is quite natural. In this situation, Leon advises not to interrupt, to silently listen to everything and try to answer very restrainedly or keep your opinion to yourself, saying that you heard the opinion of the interlocutor.

Psychologist and Ph.D. Leon F. Seltzer offers his vision and identifies eight situations when it is better to bite your tongue.

Option number 1. When you can offend someone, but do not affect the resolution of the situation in any way

Option number 2. To the question: “Is it true that I turned out terribly in the photo?”

This question usually has two answers. First - you will try to convince him of the opposite, at least out of politeness, even if the person really looks terrible. The second is the truth, whatever it may be. Both of these options are not very suitable, since in the first case a person will go in a terrible way to a meeting or to, and in the second he will be very upset. You can only speak directly like this to a person with normal self-esteem, who normally treats criticism.

In this case, it is difficult to be original, since this is precisely the “better to remain silent than to speak” option.

Option number 3. When the interlocutor deliberately causes negativity in you

Option number 4. When the interlocutor is nervous, and your answer will piss him off even more

Before you try to explain something to a too excited interlocutor, just remember yourself in this state - “I don’t hear anyone but myself”, right? In this case, it is worth giving a person the opportunity to speak out, let off steam, and only after that carefully express his opinion. Any attempts to do this during the release of aggression will not lead to anything good and can aggravate the situation, since in this state any arguments, even the most logical ones, can be turned upside down.

Option number 5. When the interlocutor tries to piss you off even more

Anger is a very bad emotion, which is desirable to keep at a controlled level. But some especially gifted people know how to infuriate even the most calm. If you feel that rage is growing inside you, your heart rate is racing, your hands are starting to sweat, then take a few deep breaths and ... keep silent. Otherwise, everything said in this state (and you obviously won’t say anything good) will be used against you in the future.

It's hard to resist, but it's possible. To do this, Dr. Leon Seltzer recommends at least occasionally practicing - it helps to be collected and very calming.

Option number 6. When someone teases you

Responding to ridicule is a thankless task, since the original goal of the offender is your reaction, whatever it may be. This is especially true when you are dealing with a professional bully (troll). These people can use any of your answers against you. The only reaction they don't want to get from you is to be ignored. So don't please them and ignore any attempts to piss you off and get you to respond.

Option number 7. When you are involved in a conversation on topics that you do not understand

There are people who always try to speak only on those topics in which they are professionals, knowing that their interlocutor does not understand anything about it. This is such a peculiar way to raise your self-esteem and humiliate your opponent. Another option is people who always consider themselves right and who simply cannot be argued with.

Never argue with idiots. You will sink to their level, where they will crush you with their experience. Mark Twain

Will you argue with an idiot?

Option #8: When Your Reaction Amplifies the Unwanted Behavior

The simplest and most eloquent example is a children's tantrum with wallowing on the floor. Thus, the child tries to evoke at least some kind of reaction in you, and then begins to hysteria even more. This is when the child accidentally fell, skinned his knee and begins to sob softly, carefully watching your reaction. If you get alarmed and begin to hysterically ask if everything is all right with him, a quiet sob of 100% will turn into a loud roar. I can confirm this to you as the mother of a 7-year-old boy.

When you raise the child with a calm face and say that it’s okay, everything will heal, the child will whimper a little and calm down, but if you start running around him in a panic, constantly asking if everything is all right with him, you are guaranteed a tantrum. Not only because he really hurts, but also because in this way he can beg you for something tasty or a toy as a consolation prize. This behavior doesn't always work with parents who are used to it, but it almost always works with grandparents as well. Unfortunately, some adults behave the same way.

When you read the advice of psychologists, everything seems very clear and simple to implement, but when it comes to actions, emotions turn on and all useful information becomes just empty words that you once read in a smart book or article. It seems to me that these eight tips from Dr. Leon F. Seltzer are quite simple to follow.

Just before you open your mouth and answer, count to yourself at least up to three, take a deep breath, exhale and ... keep silent. ;)

Why do marriages fail? Often this is due to the fact that people have been silent for years, hiding their discontent, persuading themselves that everything is not so bad. And the second half seems that there is no reason for concern. And then it breaks through ... and a continuous stream of claims and accusations of ruined life pours on the head of an unsuspecting spouse or spouse.

Psychologists say - talk. Discuss your life, sex, parenting, express what makes you dissatisfied or delighted.

But as folk wisdom says, the word is still silver, and there are things that a man does not need to talk about even in the heat of a quarrel.

Talk badly about his mother. Even if your mother-in-law is far from being a gift, do not criticize her in front of her husband. Does he speak unflatteringly about her? Keep quiet. He can afford it, but you can't. This woman gave birth and raised your husband and is the closest person to him. Try to be grateful to her for this, or at least be sympathetic to her shortcomings. After all, we are not all perfect. Also, think about how bad it would be for you to hear bad things about your mother, or for your children to let you talk bad about you when they grow up. And the desire to criticize will immediately disappear.

About past relationships

We all have a past, and that's perfectly normal. This is our life experience, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. However, try to avoid talking to your husband about your ex. Moreover, do not start this topic yourself, answer in monosyllables or laugh it off if your partner suddenly started talking about it. This conversation will bring nothing but negativity.

Men just can't stand it when they are compared with someone (and women, by the way, too). Even if you scold your ex, this will cause bewilderment in your husband, why did you meet for so long, and questions - do you also discuss your current one behind the eyes.

Set ultimatums

“Which is more important to you, me or your friends?” This phrase can have many variations. For example, “Me or football”, “Me or fishing”, etc. You are, of course, very important for your man, but you are, albeit very significant, but only a part of his life. You want him to be happy, and not consider his family life a heavy burden? Then leave him some masculine space free from you. And at this time, go about your own business: pay attention to hobbies, meet friends, visit a spa, etc.

Blame for all mortal sins

Avoid phrases like: "It's all your fault," "I told you," "My mom was right." Firstly, there is no one guilty in a relationship, try not to blame, but try to understand his point of view, because, as you know, everyone has their own truth and what looks like “6” on the one hand, looks like “9” on the other ". And, secondly, in a difficult situation, you should not spend energy looking for the guilty, but you need to think about how to get out of it with the least losses.

Threaten to break. Only talk about divorce if you really want to leave. In this case, you need to discuss how to make it the least traumatic for all parties in the process. Do not useas a means of manipulation. This hurts male pride and leaves a residue on the soul. And it is possible that during the next scandal, when you talk about the break again, he will simply pack his bags and leave. Love to you and understanding!

Also, be sure to find out

“There are moments when it is appropriate to say something and moments when it is better to remain silent” (c) Aung San Suu Kyi

“There are moments when it is appropriate to say something and moments when it is better to remain silent”

Aung San Suu Kyi

Here are 10 situations in which we advise you to remain silent.

1. When you don't have the right facts

Harlan Ellison, the most prolific short fiction writer in history, once said, "You have no right to your own opinion, you have a right to an informed opinion." Whether you agree with this or not is up to you. However, if you talk about a certain topic without having facts or evidence, then you give the impression of a “close-minded” person.

In delicate matters, it is better to remain silent until you have the necessary facts.

2. You are sure that your words can hurt others.

Each of us had moments when we unfairly offended a person by saying something in a hurry. Even realizing what consequences our words would lead to, we still decided to say them.

To avoid this, it is better to remain silent if you are angry.

3. You think you will regret what you said later.

This situation is often related to the previous one. When we become impulsive and short-tempered, there is a huge chance that we will hurt both others and ourselves.

Are the spoken words worth it so that later we would be ashamed of them? Definitely not.

4. When you should listen to others

The truth is that it is extremely rare for people to fully focus and focus their attention on the speaker. Basically people don't want to listen; they want to be listened to.

Learning to focus your attention and listen to others will help you improve relationships and expand your knowledge.

5. When we have nothing to say

We all know how unbearable "awkward silence" can be, but keeping up small talk requires certain communication skills. We do not argue, it is sometimes nice to chat about nothing with friends, but why should we be obliged to say something if we really have nothing to say?

6. When they try to hurt you

Someone may not like us for no specific reason, and they may mock us - no one is immune from this. If they are trying to offend you, you do not need to respond to it. In such cases, it is best to end such a conversation immediately.

7. If you are trying to change your behavior

This is commendable if you are trying to kick a bad habit, but changing your behavior is not easy. Our habits often recur if we don't pay attention to them.

If we try to change our way of speaking, we get conflicting thoughts and feelings. It is better to be silent until you take yourself and your thoughts under control.

8. If you are overwhelmed with negative emotions

Again, there is no such unwritten rule that would oblige you to talk to people, especially when in a bad mood. As mentioned earlier, negative emotions can cloud our consciousness and lead to undesirable consequences.

9. When you could be doing something more productive

What is the point of these simple conversations if this time can be spent on something more important? Not surprisingly, talking about nothing is a way to avoid responsibility.

Think about something more useful that you could do instead.

10. If what you say might reflect badly on someone

Talking badly about someone intentionally trying to harm them is at least stupid, in this situation you do not win anything. This applies to your partners, friends, relatives or colleagues. If the problem arose between you and not a close person, solve it with him personally.