Verbal aikido. Three negotiating techniques in the style of aikido Hakamada aikido business negotiations

“Even if they tell you: “You are a fool,” answer: “Yes, I am a fool!”.

On February 21, Irina Khakamada held her famous master class "Aikido of business negotiations" at the Central House of the Entrepreneur. Slon publishes his snippet.

What is the art of aikido negotiation? That you get good results, even if your position is less advantageous than the position of the one with whom you are negotiating. Your partner is objectively stronger. But you still want to achieve your result. Aikido is the art of winning by being technically weaker than your partner. A small business is talking to a big one. Or you are hired - you are small, and there is such a huge company, and it is important for you to pass this test. Or you owe the bank, you took a stupid loan, you have to repay it, but you have no money, and you come to the bank to persuade him to restructure your debts and not take your apartment. Most of the time you say it's impossible. Maybe!

When the rapist in the film catches the victim and is about to kill her, what does a literate victim do who doesn't want to be killed? He talks, tries to identify himself. A rapist can kill "it", but if you have such and such a name and you have such and such emotions, it is very difficult to kill you. It is very difficult for the bank to destroy you if you have already emotionally involved him in the story of your life and he already knows everything about your first love, and about your wife, and about your children. If you are no longer just a client, but a person with certain properties, it becomes more and more difficult to destroy you. And as soon as you have achieved that you are identified, consider that you have won. Then you will definitely squeeze out your interest.

What does your victory depend on? Main principle: you know how to return aggression and use someone else's energy. If you saw: I participate in the debate, someone yells at me, and I stand calmly. Zyuganov yells: "You scum!" - and I am silent. Why? Because as soon as he insulted me, I rejoice to myself: Oh-oh-oh! Let's go! You start spending, you'll soon get tired! Come on, the more you spend now, the more tired you will be and the faster I can win. No need to be afraid of aggression, no need to shake, in no case should you become aggressive in response and allow yourself to be pissed off. You don't have to waste energy. You reflect, you follow the person and wait for him to start wasting energy. When he spends it, you get it. As soon as a person becomes aggressive, consider that you already have thirty percent of the victory. Rejoice in this! No, of course, you don’t need to smile - you pretend that you are experiencing something there. But for yourself, rejoice.

The whole idea of aikido negotiation is that you should talk and negotiate in such a way that you allow the opponent to show aggression or weakness. As long as he does not manifest either, you cannot achieve your goal. You need to get him to talk. And for that, you need to ask questions. If you ask the right question, which falls on the soul of a person, and no matter in what area, not necessarily in a professional one, it can be a distracting question - about a book, an exhibition, whatever. The main thing is that a person is wound up. If he wound up - that's it, you're lucky, you caught it. Let him speak. Let him talk about anything - about what he likes, about what he does not like. If he speaks, then sooner or later he will give some kind of error. Or at least talk about himself. The second principle of aikido is the ability to give the opponent the freedom to show his mistakes. To do this, do not forget, you need to learn to talk about anything. And ask questions about nothing. We are very weak with this.

Come up with such topics in advance - about nothing. Flip through the magazines. Topics can be anything. For example: it turns out that the banana genome differs from the human genome by only 30%. There is a pause in the conversation - and you suddenly ask: “Do you have any idea how different your genome is from the banana genome?” He told you, dumbfounded: "What?" And you: “No, well, it’s just very interesting! It turns out that I differ from Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin by only one thousandth!” Or stick a joke - there are a lot of them, read the Internet. This is the easiest way.

How to untie the tongue? We prepared jokes - but you can’t tell, it’s embarrassing. Experiment on your friends! Here guests come to you - and you tell them about the banana genome.

Another good way is to say "I don't understand". “I don’t understand how the banana genome can differ from the human genome by only 30%?” As soon as people are asked, they begin to get involved, explain something to you - and now you have already started a conversation.

You must learn to be relaxed. If you are tense, you will constantly think about what, how and why you are saying, nothing will work out. You must work impromptu. You threw the topic - and relaxed waiting. Only in this way will you catch your partner's mistake and only in this way will you understand when your finest hour comes. That's when you start to shove like a tank. If you suddenly see: it doesn’t work - hop! And they drove off. You don’t need to build any models in advance, play on emotions.

So, you need to be able to return aggression and use someone else's energy. You need to be able to give your opponent the freedom to make mistakes. And be able to be at the same time relaxed and catch your upward flow.

You forget about pride. You are ready to pretend to be idiots, weak, insignificant, anyone - whoever your partner wants you to be, that is what you will be. You only care about the result. This is especially difficult for men. But even if they tell you: “You are a fool,” answer: “Yes, I am a fool!” Only in this way can you do something, wring out your own.

You are not in a hurry. You pull just enough to catch your flow. If the flow is not caught - you pull on. If the negotiations are at an impasse, you should by no means sign a contract on unfavorable terms. You pause, under any pretext. We looked at the clock: “God, I completely forgot! I need to get out now!" He jumped out - called - jumped back: “There is such a collapse here! Let's see you tomorrow!" - and took off - so that you did not even have time to stop. If you are weak, you must be "stuffy", stubbornly pull your own. You won't succeed with a saber on a horse, you're not Prokhorov. It was he who jumped out - khryas, and that's it, 18 billion. Do you have 18 billion? That's it. Therefore, you will have to act differently.

How do most people negotiate? They say: “I have a special project. We can achieve amazing results, and it's worth three pennies. And it will be awesome. Let's get together, let's get your investment. Come on, come on, come on! I have such an idea! What a brilliant idea!!!" What does it look like? Sits normal person, investor. I go up, take his hand and pull. Like: "Let's go!" - "Where did you go?" - “But let’s go there, there is an ice cream stall” - “But I don’t want ice cream!” - "No, let's go, I want ice cream, so you will come with me!"

The person has resistance. Especially in Russia. Russia mentality - a country of endless betrayal. Therefore, when they frankly offer something, they are trying to somehow throw me. Therefore, the first way to sell something in Russia is to say: “Not for sale at all, and don’t come close, everything is sold ten years ahead to Fridman!” That's when the interest arises. Therefore, it is very difficult to offer something.

The idea of aikido is that you don't grab a person by the hand and drag him to where the ice cream is. You approach a person, sit down next to him, talk to him - about his affairs, about the weather. He starts to tell you something, you take his hand and go for a walk. If you find out that your interlocutor wants a steak, then go to the steak. And he talks, talks, talks. What were his previous negotiations about, what was bad in his life. You console, help to understand. You are talking, talking, now you already have a complete understanding - and suddenly an ice cream stand appears on your way.

You don't drag him to your side. You think about what your client wants all the time, and play only on this, on his desires. You find out these desires, you take him by the arm - and talk only about him beloved. You have completely forgotten about yourself. And your partner simply does not notice how you, speaking in his language about what interests him, bring him to your ice cream.

Today I present to your attention an interview of Ekaterina Kalysheva with a candidate of economic sciences, associate professor, public figure and writer Irina Khakamada.

The world of business is entirely built on the ability to negotiate: somewhere to offer more favorable conditions, somewhere to smooth sharp corners personal charisma, somewhere to mention an influential patron, and somewhere to openly bluff. What to do if they try to impose unacceptable conditions on you? How to recognize the manipulation on the part of the opponent and use it for your own purposes? And what is the difference between the technique of negotiations with the Russians and the negotiations with the Americans and the Japanese?

How do the styles of negotiating with Russians, Asians and Westerners differ?

You need to negotiate with the Russians in such a way that it becomes absolutely clear to them that you do not need anything from them. Because as soon as you make it clear, for example, to your investor, that you need him, he will immediately doubt - do they want to cheat him and drag him into unnecessary and unjustified expenses? I had a case when a businessman was interested in financing my project. We met for negotiations, and for two hours I talked about anything - about cinema, about literature, about politics - but not about my project. When, finally, a potential investor asked me about the project, I simply gave him the folder with the developments. As a result, we then cooperated very well.

You need to work with the Americans differently - quickly and clearly: state the thesis of your project, clearly answer questions. Americans don't tend to take too long to make a decision, so you can get approval or rejection in the first ten minutes of a negotiation. Asians are more difficult. If they are Japanese, you will have to play a tricky conversation, curtseying towards their national culture. Smiles, mutual praise, long negotiations, goals disguised. Express your thoughts as veiled as possible, otherwise your partners will consider you a primitive interlocutor. If you happen to negotiate with the Chinese, here you need to focus on the monetary profit that this project promises them. The Chinese are quite mercantile, where there is money, there is happiness.

How to influence the emotional state of the interlocutor and arouse sympathy?

There are several important tricks. One of them is mirroring. First you need to determine the psychotype of the interlocutor. Conventionally, five such types can be distinguished. The epicurean is a lover of life: good food, drink, women, luxury. Such people dress expensively, but awkwardly, casually. Negotiations with the Epicureans should be conducted in a good restaurant, discussing dishes, wine, etc.

Officials are rather closed people, they think hierarchically, they speak dryly, in short phrases. Dressed very conservatively. With such people, you need to speak their language, their phrases, highlighting the benefits that the project will bring not to humanity as a whole, but to them personally.

Technocrats use English business vocabulary, they always have the latest smartphones, expensive tablets. With them, you need to go straight to the heart of the matter: the price of this startup, profit, cost…

There are creators - people who are downright obsessed with some idea, very emotional, with great imagination. You can talk with the creator on a large scale, aiming at changing the world, no less!

If you happen to negotiate with the player, then you will have to work hard. These people are able to combine several psychotypes, alternating them depending on specific situation. And here you need to be one step ahead of the interlocutor in changing roles. This is the only way to beat the player.

For the rest, ask questions that will eventually lead to what you have in common with this person. Find a common ground, sympathy will start. The main thing is not to be too fixated on yourself, but to be sincerely interested in the interlocutor (while sympathizing with him is not necessary) and notice the details.

What to do if partners impose unfavorable conditions during the negotiation process?

The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly respond with argument to argument, to demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. And you need to “pull the rubber”, but do it lively and interesting. If you are given a choice, do not rush to say "yes" or "no", take a break. Optimal response: “Good idea! I need to think it over." Ask questions, listen, agree. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to it, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait until the conversation turns in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then it is you who should be more attentive and patient. If you are "pinned to the wall" and demanded to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.

There is another technique that I call the “red elephant method”. Red bishops are conditions that you are ready to refuse, but your opponent does not know about it. Give the other side what they want, and disguise your interests in small but key details. If your opponents are preparing a draft agreement, describe what you are willing to concede. And then fight for these positions to the death, exhausting the enemy. And leave the most important thing for you at the end, inducing the interlocutor to agree: after all, you have already lost so much!

How to recognize manipulation? And how can you use it for your own purposes?

You need to carefully monitor the interlocutor and respond to his manipulation with the same manipulation. For example, you arranged a one-on-one meeting with a future partner to discuss your project. And he comes to the meeting accompanied by two more people, introducing them as his assistant secretaries. And you suspect that these are not secretaries, but a lawyer and a psychologist who, in the course of negotiations, write notes to your opponent with advice. Don't get lost! Next time, bring your specialists, introducing them as assistants with whom you must go to the next meeting during the day. If your interlocutor is inclined to "squeeze" you in exhausting negotiations, bring an experienced lawyer with you who will not allow your opponent to include small but ambiguous clauses in the contract. If you cannot independently determine what your interlocutor is like, take a psychologist with you. This is a fairly common practice in the West. If you are a man and you are negotiating with men over a cocktail, you can take an attractive companion with you as an escort. Your partners will be distracted, giving you a few points head start.

What to do if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are from a marginalized minority or a woman among men?

The world is still patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do smarter: negotiate, referring to an authoritative man in this environment. For example: “Colleagues, I want to present you this project. Steve Jobs once did something similar…” You can also change your behavior dramatically. You just twittered about the weather and shopping, but now, in a businesslike tone, you are finally proposing to get down to business.

In the rest - do not crush the interlocutor. Try to bring yourself into such an internal state when your emotions do not depend on whether these negotiations will be successful or not. For example, I advise my students to do this exercise: to think through the next two days after the negotiations failed. Imagine how you leave the hall, call your wife / husband, smoke a cigarette, return home, read a book ... In a word, so that you understand that after unsuccessful negotiations, life will continue. And then rewind this picture back, like a film, and go to the negotiations.

What to do if the opponent is openly aggressively behaving?

There are two reasons for rudeness in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of the intemperance of nature. In both cases, deviate slightly to the side, letting this “hurricane” pass you by, take a few breaths / exhalations and calmly answer: “Perhaps you are right. But let's not get emotional. We have to work together! ”Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonations of the interlocutor. It happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - tough and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and looking intently into your opponent's eyes, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is already an extreme measure, when there is nothing to lose.

And the last thing: all negotiations cannot be won! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and move forward again!

The business world is entirely built on the opportunity to agree: somewhere to offer more favorable conditions, somewhere to smooth out sharp corners with personal charisma, somewhere to mention an influential patron, and somewhere to openly bluff. What to do if they try to impose unacceptable conditions on you? How to recognize the manipulation on the part of the opponent and use it for your own purposes? And what is the difference between the technique of negotiations with the Russians and the negotiations with the Americans and the Japanese? Irina Khakamada, the author of the master class "Aikido of Business Negotiations" and the book "Tao of Life", tells the RBG correspondent about this and many other things.

- How do the styles of negotiating with Russians, Asians and Westerners differ?

- How to influence the emotional state of the interlocutor and arouse sympathy?

There are creators - people who are downright obsessed with some idea, very emotional, with great imagination. You can talk with the creator on a large scale, aiming at changing the world, no less!

If you happen to negotiate with the player, then you will have to work hard. These people are able to combine several psychotypes, alternating them depending on the specific situation. And here you need to be one step ahead of the interlocutor in changing roles. This is the only way to beat the player.

- What to do if partners impose unfavorable conditions during the negotiation process?

The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly respond with argument to argument, to demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. And you need to "pull the rubber", but do it lively and interesting. If you are given a choice, do not rush to say "yes" or "no", take a break. Optimal response: "Good idea! I need to think it over." Ask questions, listen, agree. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to it, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait until the conversation turns in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then it is you who should be more attentive and patient. If you are "pinned to the wall" and demanded to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.

There is another trick that I call "the method of red elephants". Red bishops are conditions that you are ready to refuse, but your opponent does not know about it. Give the other side what they want, and disguise your interests in small but key details. If your opponents are preparing a draft agreement, describe what you are willing to concede. And then fight for these positions to the death, exhausting the enemy. And leave the most important thing for you at the end, inducing the interlocutor to agree: after all, you have already lost so much!

- How to recognize manipulation? And how can you use it for your own purposes?

You need to carefully monitor the interlocutor and respond to his manipulation with the same manipulation. For example, you arranged a one-on-one meeting with a future partner to discuss your project. And he comes to the meeting accompanied by two more people, introducing them as his assistant secretaries. And you suspect that these are not secretaries, but a lawyer and a psychologist who, in the course of negotiations, write notes to your opponent with advice. Don't get lost! Next time, bring your specialists, introducing them as assistants with whom you must go to the next meeting during the day. If your interlocutor is inclined to "squeeze" you in exhausting negotiations, take an experienced lawyer with you who will not allow your opponent to include small but ambiguous clauses in the contract. If you cannot independently determine what your interlocutor is like, take a psychologist with you. This is a fairly common practice in the West. If you are a man and you are negotiating with men over a cocktail, you can take an attractive companion with you as an escort. Your partners will be distracted, giving you a few points head start.

What to do if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are from a marginalized minority or a woman among men?

The world is still patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do smarter: negotiate, referring to an authoritative man in this environment. For example: "Colleagues, I want to introduce you to this project. Once Steve Jobs did something similar ..." You can also dramatically change the style of behavior. You just twittered about the weather and shopping, but now, in a businesslike tone, you are finally proposing to get down to business.

- What to do if the opponent behaves openly aggressively?

There are two reasons for rudeness in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of the intemperance of nature. In both cases, deviate a little to the side, letting this “hurricane” pass you by, take a few breaths / exhalations and calmly answer: “Perhaps you are right. But let's not get emotional. We should work together!” Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonations of the interlocutor. It happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - tough and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and looking intently into your opponent's eyes, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is already an extreme measure, when there is nothing to lose.

And the last thing: all negotiations cannot be won! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and move forward again!

Aikido is a martial art based on the use of the opponent's strength. There is often a moment in negotiations when the parties move to manipulation or attack. What does the person being attacked do? Defensive. It turns out protection through excuses. Surely you have heard the expression "if you make excuses, then you are guilty." It turns out, justifying ourselves, we become guilty, in other words - weak side spore

We don't make excuses and we don't fight

To avoid a situation in which you find yourself in the position of the guilty, do not argue with your opponent. Alternative: use the power of the opponent's words in your direction through the “opposite or vice versa” technique + our position. Examples of using:

Yours is very expensive.

On the contrary, most of our clients note that with such a set of services, our prices are lower than competitors.

Your company is not fulfilling its obligations under the contract.

Your company is not paying on time.

On the contrary, our company strictly adheres to all payment schedules, and at the same time requires our partners to do the same, otherwise companies like…

Creature trembling or have the right?

To elevate themselves above the opponent, one party (more often a potential client, current client or partner) uses emotional attacks. In such a situation, you need to choose: either endure and, possibly, lose face, or not let yourself be offended.

If everything is clear with “tolerate”, and this means being, in fact, a “pear” for someone else's outburst of emotions, then how not to let yourself be offended? We use techniques in the style of aikido - we will try to turn the opponent's strength against him by throwing or redirecting energy.

Note - you need to understand that we are talking about a situation where the opponent's attacks are not related to the real situation in your company, and you are firmly convinced that his arguments are fiction or rumors.

"Energy Redirection" - soft reception

On the contrary, our company strictly complies with all the terms of contracts with counterparties, which is confirmed by working with companies such as…

You are talking nonsense, I read on the Internet that you are not fulfilling your obligations ...

Alas, we got carried away by criticizing each other, as a result of which we made it more difficult to achieve the set goals of the negotiations. I propose to return to the topic of discussion.

"Throw" - hard reception

Your company is not fulfilling its obligations under the contract!

On the contrary, our company strictly complies with the terms of contracts with counterparties, which is confirmed by working with companies such as…

Why are you composing here, I read on the Internet and heard from many people that you are not fulfilling your obligations ...

Your statements are directed against achieving the goals of the negotiations. Please stick to the topic of discussion, otherwise I will stop the meeting.

"Throw" gives the opponent a direct signal to stop attacking. At the same time, it is not necessary to find out where the opponent got such information from. With the help of the "throw" we devalue this information and take the conversation in the direction where everything is built by us.

Outcome

Negotiations should not be taken as a fight. The best strategy is "win-win", when both sides win. If a situation arises when one side wants to leave the other a loser, and using it on emotional pressure, do not go ahead. When you give in to emotions, you increase the risk of losing.

Use your opponent's strength against him. If the "attack" continues, redirect the energy or use a hard throw. If the opponent does not stop, it is better to stop the meeting: after all, if he allows such “attacks” now, then what will happen during further work?

And remember - you are a specialist, and do not let yourself be offended.