Stories about autocrats in anecdotes and funny situations. Nicholas I. Jokes about tsars: from Peter I to Nicholas II Jokes about Nicholas 2

Nikolai Alekseevich Zuev, being a 14-year-old child during the Russian-Japanese War, made his way to Port Arthur and back three times with reports. The last time he was captured by the Japanese, from where he escaped using a Japanese horse, and during the pursuit he was wounded in the shoulder. For these feats he was awarded the insignia of the Military Order (Cross of St. George) 4th, 3rd and 2nd degree.

In 1905, a brochure was published in Moscow “The Great Hero, 14-year-old Knight of St. George Kolya Zuev, who risked his life, made a number of bold forays and was three times awarded the Highest Awards - the Cross of St. George II, III and IV degrees.”

Previously, each ruler of Russia had his own serial number, for example: Alexander I, Alexander II, Nicholas I, Nicholas II, and everything was clear, everything was predictable. And only in the last hundred years has the tradition been broken: then there was Vladimir Ilyich, now here is Vladimir Vladimirovich. Once again I became somehow worried about our future.

Oleg
Please suggest something to listen to when you have time
19:31:01

Nikolai
who are you anyway
19:32:19

Oleg
Well, if you just can’t do that, then I’ll introduce myself.
I'm a 20 year old guy. Right-wing radical, Goth by subculture, Virgo by zodiac sign.
I play keyboards, fight with throwing knives, and program.
19:38:16

Nikolai
you're a normal guy
19:38:39
what else can I say

Fedor
have you come?

Nikolai
who came?

Fedor
leprechauns

Nikolai
I haven't seen leprechauns

Fedor
they are small, I might not have noticed
they just suddenly brought what?

Nikolai
so what are you talking about?))

Fedor
did the dangs arrive on the account?

Nikolai
they're here now
for what?

Fedor
on bread with caviar
just don't take the black one

Nikolai
did Petrosyan bite you?

"Nikolai Valuev donated blood at Donor Day." As much as 10 liters. Questions poured in:
- Nikolai, how can this be?! Everyone knows that a person has only five liters of blood!
“There were two big guys trying to snatch my phone.” And I squeezed them myself - to the last drop.

Call the school director:
- Hello, Nikolai Petrovich?
- Yes, I'm listening to you. Who am I talking to?
- Nikolai Petrovich, I’m calling to warn you that Vasya Ivanov will not come to school today: he is sick, he has a very high temperature.
- I’m very sorry that Vasya got sick. But who am I talking to anyway?
- With my dad, Nikolai Petrovich.

from correspondence with Asa:

Nikolay (18:55):
yuck! I want to be a cat... I got drunk
climbed onto the bed and sleeps on his belly for half a day, the bastard.
that's it, I went to meet my wife

Andreich (18:57):
but he doesn’t have a wife) and maybe he wants to too)

Nikolay (18:58):
Not. I don’t want to be this particular cat, he’s neutered

Andreich (18:58):
maybe that's why he lays around all day

Nikolay (19:00):
exactly. you revealed the essence of Kotof
hosh fuckazzo - run to earn money
you are a genius!
ran away))

Nikolai
Do you know that 5 km of cross-country is equivalent to one hour of sex?
Rogue
Rather, sex replaces cross-country)))
Rogue
In addition, a standard man can only replace 800 meters with sex)))))))))
Nikolai
It depends((

Once, when Nicholas I was passing along Nevsky Prospekt, his road
a man ran across the carriage. The royal coachman was confused, and did not
would have avoided troubles if the physically strong king had not snatched it from him
the reins and did not hold back the horses. With a movement of his hand, Nikolai beckoned to him
woefully unmoved, but he, not attaching importance to the royal gesture, rushed to run
further.
Having learned about the man who served, Chief Police Chief Kokoshkin brought the whole
The police found the culprit and brought him to the emperor.
- Didn’t you recognize me on Nevsky when you poked your head under my stroller? -
Nikolai asked the daring man, who turned out to be a minor official.
- How could I not recognize my sovereign? - he answered.
- Did you see that I called you?
- Yes, sir.
- Then why did you dare to run away?
- I’m sorry, sir, but my wife was suffering in difficult labor, and I hurried to
midwife.
- Well, if so, it’s not your fault. Follow me!
Nicholas brought the taken aback official to the empress’s chambers and told her:
- I recommend you an exemplary husband. He loves his wife so much and cares about her
health, that he was not afraid to violate the royal will in caring for her.
And a few days later, the empress sent the newborn “for teething purposes”
one thousand rubles. The salary of that official was four hundred rubles per
year.
At a happy hour for his family, he ran across the royal road
stroller!

Dialogue in contact:
Nikolai: Good night, Charming Stranger!;)
Jessika: good, if you're not joking)
Nikolay: I joke all the time, but now I want to be serious and about love)
Jessika: wow))) why is it so drawn to lyrics?)
Nikolay: yes so...circumstances...Gorgeous miss showing off her gorgeous back - You?;)
Jessika: what kind of questions?) no, I’m actually an old fat pensioner who can’t sleep at night from heartburn))))))
Nikolay: Hello, colleague)))
Jessika: fireworks)))
Nikolai: I’m suffering from flatulence...let’s talk)
Jessika: no questions asked)))

Prime Minister Mykola Azarov threatened to fire the head
Hydrometeorological center Nikolai Kudbidu, if in the near future in Kyiv
it won't rain in the area

According to the head of government, the future of crops directly depends on
weather. The prime minister publicly appointed the head of the government responsible for the desired climate
Hydrometeorological Center, reports TSN.

“Last year there was a normal drought. This year in the Kyiv region complaints
- There has been no rain for a month. Well, we'll hear from the leader here.
hydrometeorological service, if it doesn’t rain, we’ll fire you and hire a new one,”
- said Azarov.

The country's chief meteorologist was quick to react. Hearing threats
Nikolai Kulbida promised rain and occasional downpours this weekend
thunderstorms and squalls.

Let us recall that last year during the abnormal heat in August on
Forecasters were shouted down by President Viktor Yanukovych. He asked
the head of the Ukrainian Hydrometeorological Center, what his department is doing to
the heat in Ukraine has subsided.
http://www.bagnet.org/news/summaries/ukraine/2011-06-11/135451

Nikolay:
No!Are you still angry at me?

Ksenia:
No

Nikolay:
Ufff! The apology was accepted! I adore you

Ksenia:
No, they were not accepted. I just never stay angry for a long time

Hatred for you, like a cunning snake, lurks in the recesses of my soul.

Nikolay:
I will launch into your soul a mongoose of boundless love for me

In 2006, Groshev, who taught the subject “Professional ethics of police officers” at the Youth Institute of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia, conducted a survey among his students. As its results showed, only three percent of students never paid bribes during their studies at the university, and a third admitted that they entered the Youth Institute of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia for money, paying from 50 to 150 thousand rubles.

After Groshev presented the results of the survey to the head of the institute, Police Major General Alexander Chislov, he became the subject of an internal investigation and was subsequently fired. In addition, after this the university banned conducting sociological research.

Thinking is useful. Your Silent Spectator

When visiting shipyards, Nicholas II inspected various workshops in great detail, and spoke easily not only with engineers, but also with ordinary workers. By this he caused considerable alarm among the Sovereign's retinue. There were sometimes funny incidents in such conversations. So in 1915, the Emperor visited shipbuilding factories in Nikolaev. Here, in one of the hot workshops, as always, it was a complete nightmare: clanging, knocking, sparks of hot steel... The Emperor watched the skillful work of the craftsmen. Finally, having said something to one of the people in the retinue and going up to one of the masters, he personally gave him a gold watch. The Master, who did not expect such Royal mercy, was completely taken aback - tears appeared in his eyes, and he nervously muttered: “Your Excellency... Your Excellency...”.

The Emperor, deeply touched by the excitement of the old worker, was also embarrassed and, going up to him, fatherly patted him on the shoulder, on his dirty work blouse and said in a heartfelt manner: “Well, what are you talking about... I’m only a colonel...”

N.V. Sablin, in describing his service on the Shtandart, recalls an incident that he witnessed. Sailing in the Finnish skerries with his family on the Shtandart, the Tsar was in an excellent mood, pleased with a successful hunt and a wonderful day. When the minister of the court reported on Witte’s arrival, the Emperor’s eyes immediately went dark. Witte himself soon arrived on board the yacht, whom the Emperor received nicely and kindly, listened to the report, but after that, apparently, waited for the departure of his dear guest. One must think that Count Witte understood this and quickly took his leave after dinner. Sablin was entrusted with conducting it. When the captain returned, he saw Nicholas II standing not far from the entrance ladder. Having learned that the count had left, the Tsar cheerfully said: “Well, thank God, now there’s no harm in playing a game of dominoes,” and invited his partners to the royal wheelhouse. When everyone sat down, the Tsar, taking a drag from a thick cigarette, remarked: “It’s good to be at home, in your own company, and when the guests leave... Who starts?”

One day the Emperor came to the infirmary where the Grand Duchesses worked. Sitting down at the bedside of one of the soldiers, the Emperor began to question him in detail whether he was happy with everything and whether he was being well looked after.
“That’s right, Your Majesty, I’m happy with everything, even if you don’t get better,” the wounded man answered, but then, remembering something, he added.
- But, Your Majesty, the sisters are a little forgetful... The other day I gave it to this little sister, that’s what’s standing there, she’s so cheerful, I gave her a dime for cigarettes, but she doesn’t carry either cigarettes or money...
“Olga,” the Emperor called his sister, “why aren’t you fulfilling the instructions?” She promised to bring cigarettes and forgot."
The Grand Duchess looked down.
“For this, buy him a ruble.”
After that, the soldier groaned all day long.
- Who did you complain about? For the king's daughter.
Lord, what a sin!"

Beginning of the war, autumn 1914. The Emperor arrived in Dvinsk and walked around the vast military hospital, talking with many officers about the soldiers. I remember one conversation that everyone around me paid attention to at the time.

These words of a simple private peasant from the Vladimir province, Melenkovsky district, Talonov village, a village shepherd by occupation, sank deeply into the soul of everyone who heard this conversation.
The Emperor handed over the St. George Cross to Kuznetsov. He crossed himself and said to His Majesty: “Thank you, thank you. I’ll get better and let’s go fight the Germans again.”
Kuznetsov was so moved by his meeting with the Tsar that he spoke not like a soldier, but like a simple Russian man, shocked by his meeting with the Tsar. The words of the wounded soldier made a strong impression on the Emperor. His Majesty sat down on Kuznetsov’s bed and affectionately said to him:
""Get well soon; I need people like that." Kuznetsov crossed himself, took the Tsar's hand, kissed it, even stroked it and said again: "Don't be timid, we'll beat him!"

More than once, His Majesty recalled his conversation with Kuznetsov and said that he especially remembered these simple words full of love for him and for Russia.

“He consoled me so much,” said the Emperor

//from the memoirs of V. Kamensky "About the Sovereign Emperor"

One evening, when returning from Tarnopol, the Tsar's car, which, as always, was moving very fast, separated from our car in the fog and ended up at the junction station, where by that time the entire hall of the station was full of wounded who had been taken out for evacuation. They were lying on the floor. Among the staff, nurses and wounded, the unexpected appearance of the Emperor made a stunning impression. Nobody expected to see him here. The Emperor walked around all the wounded, graciously talking and asking questions, and during this walk he approached one wounded, dying officer who was lying on the floor. The Emperor knelt down next to him and put his hand under his head.
The officer recognized the Emperor.
The Emperor said to him, “Thank you for your service. Do you have a family?”
He answered in a quiet voice: “A wife and two children.”
The Emperor told him, “Be calm, I will not leave them.” The officer crossed himself, said: “Thank you Veli...” and died. (from the memoirs of the gaff D.S. Sheremetev)

From the memoirs of N.D. Semenov-Tyan-Shansky: “The Emperor swam very well and loved to swim. After a long rowing on a double in the Finnish skerries, we moored to some island and swam. When we were in the water, the Tsarevich, who was frolicking on the shore (he was not swimming), knocked my things, neatly folded on the bench, into the sand. I started to get out of the water, wanting to pick up things, since there was wind and they were scattered; His Majesty, turning to me, said: “Leave your things, Alexei dropped them, he must collect them,” and, turning to the heir, forced him to pick up my things.”
in the photo Nicholas II with his younger sister Olga Alexandrovna

“I remember... one completely exceptional case, which speaks of the extraordinary delicacy of the Sovereign. The day before, I stood “dog,” that is, watch, from twelve to four o’clock at night, and His Majesty, coming out on deck at one o’clock in the morning, wished me a calm watch.

In the morning, he turned to the watchman, asking him to call me for a walk in a two-wheeler, but then, remembering that I was standing like a dog, he said that there was no need to wake me up. Upon returning from the walk, everyone accompanying the Emperor was invited to tea - wonderful curdled milk, milk and fruit were served. The Emperor himself paid attention to who was eating what, and ordered the Grand Duchesses to treat us, and he himself often told with great humor memories of his visits, when he was still the Heir, to foreign states. In the treatment of the sailors and lower ranks, one felt genuine, sincere love for the ordinary Russian person. He was truly the father of his people."

(From the memoirs of N.D. Semenov-Tyan-Shansky).

O. Ofrosimova recalls: “One day they brought a new batch of wounded. They, as always, were met at the station by the Grand Duchesses. They did everything that the doctors ordered them, and even washed the feet of the wounded, so that right there at the station, they could clean the wounds from dirt and protect them from blood poisoning After long and hard work, the Princesses and other sisters placed the wounded in their wards.

The tired Grand Duchess Olga Nikolaevna sat down on the bed of one of the newly brought soldiers. The soldier immediately started talking. Olga Nikolaevna, as always, did not say a word that she was the Grand Duchess.
- Are you tired of your heart? - asked the soldier.
- Yes, I’m a little tired. It's good when you're tired.
- What's good here?
- So, it worked.
- This is not where you should sit. I would go to the front.
- Yes, my dream is to go to the front.
- What. Go.
“I would go, but my father won’t let me, he says that my health is too weak for this.”
- And you spit on your father and go.
The princess laughed.
- No, I really can’t spit. We love each other very much.

Here is another case described in the memoirs of Baroness Buchshoeveden.
“During one walk along the banks of the Dnieper, while visiting the Imperial Headquarters of the Supreme Commander-in-Chief, the Tsarevich, in a playful mood, pulled out my umbrella and threw it into the river. Grand Duchess Olga and I tried to hook it with sticks and branches, but since it was open , then the current and the wind picked him up, and there was neither a boat nor a raft at hand from which to catch him.

Suddenly the Emperor appeared. "What kind of show is this?" - he asked, surprised by our exercises near the water.
“Alexey threw her umbrella into the river, and this is such a shame, since it is her best,” answered the Grand Duchess, trying hopelessly to catch the handle with a large gnarled branch.

The smile disappeared from the Emperor's face. He turned to his son.
“They don’t do that to a lady,” he said dryly. “I’m ashamed of you, Alexey. I apologize for him,” he added, turning to me, “and I’ll try to fix the matter and save this ill-fated umbrella.”

To my great embarrassment, the Emperor entered the water. When he reached the umbrella, the water was above his knees...
He handed it to me with a smile: “I didn’t have to swim for it after all! Now I’ll sit down and dry in the sun.”
The poor little prince, red from his father’s harsh remark, came up to me upset. He apologized like an adult.
Probably the Emperor later talked to him, since after this incident he adopted his father’s manner, sometimes amusing us with unexpected, old-fashioned signs of attention towards women. It was charming."

Historical anecdotes or interesting facts about Nicholas I

Interesting surname

One of the officers of the Riga garrison named Zass, when marrying off his daughter, wanted her and her husband to have a double surname, in which Zass would come first. It seems that there was nothing strange in this desire... However, Mr. Colonel was a German and did not know Russian well... After all, the groom’s last name was Rantsev.
Tsar Nicholas the First learned of this incident and decided that his officers should not be the object of ridicule. By his highest decree, the Tsar ordered the newlyweds to bear the surname Rantsev-Zass.

It is high time

In Peterhof, retired naval non-commissioned officer Ivanov served as caretaker of the park. For his representative appearance he was nicknamed Neptune, and he responded to this nickname. One day a cow climbed into a flower bed in front of the royal palace. Nikolai noticed this and shouted to a servant who happened to be nearby:
- Neptune, the cow is trampling my flowers. Look, I'll put you under arrest!
The answer came immediately:
- Cow, this is not my job! - My wife didn’t notice!
Tsar.
- Well, I’ll put her away!
Neptune.
- It is high time!
How this dialogue ended is unknown.

Hell machines

In the field of physics (electricity), Nikolai was poorly erudite. He, in particular, considered the electromagnetic telegraph a means suitable for creating “infernal machines”, and, in order to avoid the criminal acts of attackers, he ordered that domestic and foreign information on this matter be classified.

During the Crimean War, in order to demonstrate to his subjects the participation of representatives of the reigning house in hostilities, Nicholas sent his sons Nicholas and Mikhail to Crimea. The most august youths got in the way of the defenders of Sevastopol and created a lot of trouble. Everyone understood that without awards one could not get rid of the royal children, i.e. an episode was needed that would allow them to show “heroism.” They found a reason, the young princes received "George" and drove off to St. Petersburg. Subsequently, Sevastopol wits claimed that the reason for rewarding the august persons was the injury of Prince Menshikov’s adjutant, which took place in their presence.

There's nothing to talk about with a pig

Having met a drunken officer, Nikolai scolded him for appearing in public in an undignified manner, and ended his reprimand with the question:
- Well, what would you do if you met a subordinate in such a state?
This was answered:
“I wouldn’t even talk to that pig!”
Nikolai burst out laughing and summed it up: “Get a cab, go home and sleep it off!”

Long-term construction

There were two large "unfinished construction" projects during the reign of Nicholas I: St. Isaac's Cathedral and the St. Petersburg-Moscow railway. There was also a “fast construction” - a bridge across the Neva, but there were rumors around the city that the rush and numerous “savings” in construction would lead to the fact that this bridge would not last long.
Prince Menshikov said the following on this occasion: “We will not see the completed cathedral, but our children will see it; we will see the bridge across the Neva, but our children will not see it; and neither we nor our children will see the railway.”
When this road was finally completed, it turned out that no one knew how to properly operate it. It was decided to rent it out. American businessmen did their best (they gave it to the right people) and developed a business that was very profitable for them, which could not be said about the Russians. It was then that a Persian delegation arrived in St. Petersburg to get acquainted with Russian sights. The Persians were shown educational institutions, the army, the navy, and finally the railway.

I'm taking you to the guardhouse

Noticing a drunken dragoon officer in a cab, Nikolai stopped him and sternly asked where he was going.
The drinker was found:
- I’m taking a drunken dragoon to the guardhouse!
The highest laughter and order followed:
- Go home, get some sleep.

300,000 spectators

And one more story connected with the same Nicholas I. In Paris they decided to stage a play from the life of Catherine II, where the Russian empress was presented in a somewhat frivolous light. Having learned about this, Nicholas I, through our ambassador, expressed his displeasure to the French government. To which the answer followed in the spirit that, they say, in France there is freedom of speech and no one is going to cancel the performance. To this, Nicholas I asked to convey that in this case he would send 300 thousand spectators in gray overcoats to the premiere. As soon as the royal response reached the capital of France, the scandalous performance was canceled there without unnecessary delay.

The stars are out of place

Nikolai unexpectedly visited the Pulkovo Observatory. Its director, Vasily Yakovlevich Struve, was so embarrassed that he hid behind the telescope. Nikolai noticed the timidity of his subject and asked Menshikov what caused this behavior.
“Obviously, Mr. Struve was scared when he saw so many stars out of place,” answered the prince.

If necessary, I will become an obstetrician

Nikolai believed that the “correct” way of thinking allows any subject to be placed in any position. Thus, a certain Nazimov, an illiterate soldier, according to people who knew him, was appointed trustee of the Moscow educational district. There were persistent rumors about the Minister of Finance of the Russian Empire F. Vronchenko that out of all mathematics he had mastered only arithmetic, and even that only up to fractions. A riotous reveler, hussar Protasov headed the Holy Synod, etc.
Some loyal subjects found justification for this arrangement of personnel. So, Nestor the Puppeteer said publicly:
- If the Emperor orders me to be an obstetrician, I will become an obstetrician right now!
To some extent, Mr. Puppeteer’s enthusiasm is understandable - he then received a diamond ring from the Tsar for his play “The Hand of the Almighty Saved the Fatherland” and he was bursting with gratitude to the adored monarch.

Give two hours notice of fire

Nikolai said on April 1 to the police chief of St. Petersburg Buturlin:
- The statue of Peter I (the Bronze Horseman) was stolen. I order to find her within 24 hours, put her in her place, and put the thief in prison.
It must be said that Buturlin had an abundance of zeal, which could not be said about his intelligence. He urgently went on a search, and while driving along Senate Square, he discovered that he was “lost.” But even then it didn’t dawn on him. The owner of the Winter Palace was personally informed that there had been a false report (about the theft of the monument).
Nikolai laughed:
- Today is the first of April, Buturlin. Did you think that this colossus is impossible to steal?
What was going on in the head of the zealous police official is unknown to history. However, it is reliably known that the following year on April 1, he also played a prank on the emperor.
While visiting the theater, the latter reported that the Winter Palace was on fire. Nikolai urgently went to the place of the fire and, making sure that there was no fire, demanded an explanation. At the same time, the joker had to see how true the Latin proverb is: “What is allowed to Jupiter is not allowed to the bull.”
The enraged emperor said:
- You are a fool, Buturlin. But don't think this is an April Fool's joke. Tomorrow I'll tell you the same thing.
After this, the unsuccessful joker was appointed governor-general of Nizhny Novgorod. Some time later, the king visited this city and heard negative reviews about the activities of the governor, in particular, that he was not taking proper measures to combat fires. The corresponding august censure was expressed and measures were taken on it: the Governor General obliged all homeowners to warn the police about a fire two hours before the start of it.
When information on this matter reached Nikolai, he decided that Buturlin’s best place was in the Senate.

Humanity, no, no!

Nikolai's educational level was below average. In particular, he had vague (sometimes simply anecdotal) ideas about the countries of the world. Thus, authorizing a scientific trip to the United States of America for a professor at the St. Petersburg Academy of Sciences, he demanded that the scientific subject sign a receipt stating that he would not take human flesh into his mouth overseas.
It is noteworthy that the professor was not heading to the “Wild West,” but to the university cities of “New England.” There is nothing to say, the Russian monarch had a “good opinion” about the “best houses in Philadelphia.”

The first wave has passed

Walking through the streets of St. Petersburg, Nikolai met a tipsy naval officer.
The following dialogue followed:
Emperor: What are you doing here?
Officer: I'm maneuvering, Your Majesty!
Emperor: Where are you heading from?
Officer: From near Nevsky, Your Majesty.
Emperor: Where is your harbor?
Officer: At the Admiralty, Your Majesty!
Emperor: Be careful not to run aground.
Officer: The first big wave has passed, but I hope I won’t meet the second.
With that, we parted ways, each going their own course.
Note: The “second wave” undoubtedly meant Grand Duke Mikhail Pavlovich, the menace of the capital’s officers.

In human memory, sovereigns have always been lucky in different ways. The Baptist of Rus', Prince Vladimir, received the nickname Red Sun from the people. His son Yaroslav was remembered by the people as the Wise. In the 19th century, Alexander I earned the name of the Blessed One, and Alexander II - the Liberator. But Nicholas I and Nicholas II were much less fortunate. One was remembered by the people as Palkin, the second as Bloody. And although neither the first nor the second were fools or primitive martinets, a lot of funny and sometimes caustic historical anecdotes have been preserved about both.

HUMILITY BEAUTIFULLY GOVERNORS

Even as a teenager, Nicholas I surprised his contemporaries with his extraordinary knowledge of the front line. Sometimes, standing on the field, he took a gun in his hands and performed gun maneuvers so well that it is unlikely that the best corporal could compare with him, and also demonstrated to the drummers how they should beat their drums. Despite all this, His Majesty modestly said that in comparison with Grand Duke Mikhail Pavlovich, he knew nothing. When 1812 came, Nicholas was 16 years old. He really wanted to go into the active army, but only two years later he received permission to do so from Alexander I.

During this trip, the future sovereign first saw his future wife, Princess Charlotte of Prussia. During the next trip to Europe, which took place in 1815, the official engagement of the lovers took place. The following year a wedding was scheduled, on the day of which a rather funny anecdote was born:

On the day of the wedding of Emperor Nicholas I, among the celebrations, a ceremonial divorce was scheduled in the Mikhailovsky Manege. After the ceremony was completed, when all military officials put on outerwear to go to the Manege, the famous witty prince Alexander Sergeevich Menshikov said:

It’s a strange thing, they didn’t have time to get married and are already thinking about divorce.

Due to his age, Konstantin Pavlovich should have become the heir to the throne, but he renounced the succession to the throne in favor of Nicholas, the third son of Paul I. The document attesting to this fact was deposited in the Assumption Cathedral in Moscow and remained secret, so that Nicholas himself did not know its contents . When Emperor Alexander I died in Taganrog two years later, Constantine, who lived in Warsaw, hastened to swear allegiance to Nicholas, while Nicholas in St. Petersburg considered it his duty to swear allegiance to Constantine and demand the same from others. Only on December 12 (24), 1825, he received a letter from Constantine, in which the latter formally confirmed his abdication of the throne. Then Nicholas issued a manifesto on his accession to the throne and took the oath of office from his subjects. The somewhat prolonged interregnum gave rise to the well-known Decembrist uprising. Some time after its suppression, a commemorative medal was issued in honor of Nicholas's accession.

On the commemorative medal in honor of his accession to the throne, Nicholas I ordered the state eagle to be placed instead of his portrait.

And the fact that Nikolai Pavlovich reigned this year is already known,” he said.

AT TIMES HE WAS LIBERAL...

Under Nicholas I, work was resumed on the construction of the Volga-Don canal and on improving navigation along the Dnieper. Under him, the first Russian railways were built - Tsarskoye Selo and Moscow-Petersburg. Among other enterprises, mention should be made of the restoration of the Winter Palace, which burned down in 1837; this restructuring lasted 15 months.

To promote public education, Nikolai Pavlovich founded a teacher's institute and the main pedagogical institute. Its purpose was primarily to protect Russian youth from the influence of foreign teachers. For domestic mentors and mentors from among foreigners, mainly the French who were so fashionable at that time, rules were established: their abilities and morality, in the assessment of which their political opinions were taken into account, were determined by one of the Russian universities, under pain of a fine of 250 rubles and expulsion from within the empire. It was forbidden to send young people to foreign universities, except in exceptional cases in which special permission was sought. In educational institutions established by the government, preference was given to the Russian language, literature, statistics and national history. Travel abroad and the length of stay in foreign lands were limited. They took special care of military educational institutions, buildings, and military academies; however, during the reign of Nicholas I, a school of law and an institute of technology were also opened.

Nicholas I met the French actor Vernet on Nevsky Prospect and talked with him. The poor actor was immediately dragged to the police after the conversation.

Who is this? What did you talk about with the sovereign?

From that day on, Vernet began to avoid meetings with the emperor. Nikolai was offended.

What is it, sir, that you are running away from me?

Your Majesty! It is, of course, a great honor to speak with you, but I am no longer going to sit in the police station for it.

Despite the stifling atmosphere of police brutality and general denunciation, the reign of Nicholas I saw a period of real flowering of Russian literature. It was under Nikolai Pavlovich that Pushkin, the greatest of Russian poets, lived and worked; Lermontov, who was inspired in his works by the wild and wonderful beauties of the Caucasus; Koltsov, who found a new source of poetry in folk songs; Griboedov, whose comedy “Woe from Wit” still remains in the repertoire of the best theaters; Gogol, who in his comedy “The Inspector General” and the prose poem “Dead Souls” pointed out the ulcers of the Russian administration of society. In a word, Russia, despite its alienation from Europe, nevertheless occupied its place among the great European nations. The Emperor, when communicating with people of art and science, at times presented an example of spontaneity and liberalism.

Nicholas I, while on the stage of the Alexandrinsky Theater during intermission and talking with the actors, jokingly addressed the most famous of them, Karatygin:

You, Karatygin, can very cleverly turn into anyone you want. I like it.

Karatygin, thanking the sovereign for the compliment, agreed with him and said:

Yes, Your Majesty, I can really play both beggars and kings.

But you probably wouldn’t have played me,” Nikolai noted jokingly.

And allow me, Your Majesty, even this very minute I will portray you in front of you.

At that moment, the good-natured king became interested: how is this so? He looked closely at Karatygin and said more seriously:

OK, try.

Karatygin immediately stood in a pose most characteristic of Nicholas I, and, turning to the director of the imperial theaters, Gedeonov, who was right there, in a voice similar to the voice of the emperor, said:

Listen, Gedeonov, order tomorrow at twelve o’clock to give Karatygin double his salary for this month.

The Emperor laughed.

Hm... Hm... You play well.

He said goodbye and left. The next day at twelve o'clock Karatygin received, of course, double salary.

One day Klodt carelessly overtook the emperor's carriage, which was strictly prohibited by etiquette. Recognizing the sculptor, Nikolai sternly shook his finger at him. A few days later, history repeated itself. This time the emperor, without hiding his displeasure, shook his fist. Soon the sovereign came to the sculptor’s workshop to look at the horse models. He entered silently. He didn’t say hello or take off his helmet. Without saying a word, he examined the horses. Finally he said:

For these - I forgive.

Emperor Nikolai Pavlovich always advised Pushkin to quit the card game, saying:

She spoils you.

On the contrary, Your Majesty,” the poet answered, “cards save me from the blues.”

But what then is your poetry?

It serves as a means for me to pay off my gambling debts, Your Majesty.

Emperor Nikolai Pavlovich once visited the Pulkovo Observatory. Her boss, Struve, who had not been warned about the visit of the great guest, was embarrassed at first and hid behind the telescope.

What's wrong with him? - the emperor asked Alexander Sergeevich Menshikov.

Probably got scared, Your Majesty, seeing so many stars out of place.

THE WISDOM OF THE GOVERNOR

Starting from the time of Peter I, drinking alcohol in Russia was sponsored by the state, because there was a state monopoly on its sale - a source of huge cash flows to the treasury. State emblems hung above the entrances to taverns, and portraits of reigning monarchs adorned the counters and tables. It was Nikolai Pavlovich who put an end to this strange tradition.

One day, in a tavern, right under the portrait of Nicholas I, a drunken merchant went on a rampage. He swore and told shameful jokes. The innkeeper tried to reason with him:

And not ashamed? Under the portrait of the emperor?

I don't give a damn about the emperor! - the merchant made noise.

The next day, a written report about this outrageous incident landed on Nicholas I’s desk. The Emperor read the report and said:

First of all, I don’t give a damn about this merchant either. And secondly, my portraits will no longer be hung in taverns.

However, the wisdom of the sovereign sometimes acquired a peculiar character.

Emperor Nicholas I ordered the indecent surnames to be changed. Colonel Zas married his daughter to the garrison officer Rantsev, and since, according to him, his surname is ancient, he should be called Zas-Rantsev. The whole garrison laughed. But the sovereign, not knowing the move back, simply ordered Rantsev to be called Rantsev-Zas. He winced, but had to submit to the wise will of the sovereign.

Back in 1825, during the dramatic accession of Nicholas I, the prophetic Abel allegedly predicted that “the serpent will live thirty years.” As this inexorable deadline approached, people began to talk in St. Petersburg about a certain white ghost and some mysterious bird that haunted the emperor at night. A “white ghost”, similar to the “Berlin white lady who foreshadowed the death of the Prussian crowned princes,” was seen in the Gatchina Palace, and a mysterious black bird - the harbinger of evil in Finnish mythology - every morning “flew and landed on the telegraph machine, located in the turret above the room, where the emperor soon died." They also said that shortly before his death, on the first Sunday of Lent, the deacon made a mistake and, instead of longevity, proclaimed eternal memory to the emperor. Be that as it may, on February 18, 1855, Nicholas I passed away. It was widely believed in society that he could not stand the news of the defeat of Russian troops in Crimea and took poison.

NICHOLAS II: CREATED FOR PERFECT

The last Russian Emperor Nicholas II, according to historians, did not receive sufficient education. Perhaps this, in the end, was the reason that during his lifetime he became the hero of numerous jokes.

The future emperor obviously did not have much sympathy for military sciences. This would not be so bad if the young heir to the throne filled this gap with knowledge on issues of social and political life so useful for a statesman. But he was not interested in state affairs, and the people who were supposed to care about the development of the young man did not consider this necessary. The political education of the future autocrat was led by Pobedonostsev, who by conviction was an extreme retrograde and a convinced monarchist. He unilaterally adhered to the old forms, without entering into any compromises with the spirit of the times. It is clear what influence such a nature could have on the weak-willed heir to the throne, for whom it was enough to fall under one influence or another for his views, dreams and plans to fly apart like soap bubbles. Contemporaries around Nicholas II said that he was always a dreamer and believed that he was created for something “high,” ideal, and good. It was rumored that Alexander III considered his son incapable of reigning and allegedly insisted on his abdication of inheriting the throne.

Meanwhile, in adulthood, the private life of Nicholas II was distinguished by modesty and simplicity. He was a faithful and devoted husband, a good family man and a wonderful father. But this is precisely what was often blamed on him - his nickname was “big gentleman of short stature.” In state affairs, Nicholas II was distinguished by enviable self-control; he thought seriously and for a long time about certain decisions. But all these so-called domestic qualities of the emperor turned out to be to his detriment. His ease of use made him a simpleton in the eyes of his ill-wishers, his self-control made him slow-witted, and so on.

Alas, there was something of the truth in this. One of the senators, who due to his position had the opportunity to get acquainted with the personality and character of the tsar, believed that he was “completely uneducated, is not interested in anything, does not read anything, does not have the slightest idea of what is going on in this world and even, in particular , what is going on in Russia, which he did not love and does not love. While Russia is going through a serious crisis, he calmly indulges in a patriarchal family idyll. In the morning they all drink tea or coffee together, then Alexandra Feodorovna and Nikolai sit down to play cards.

If at this time some minister comes with a report, then the lackeys, in order to serve him, ask him to wait or come another time, since “His Majesty is busy and cannot receive him.” He signs reports without reading... Among the ministers, he listens to the one who is rude to him, shouts at him; Nikolai is very cowardly and easily intimidated. Witte was free and unceremonious with him, and Nikolai listened to him for a long time; but even ruder was Plehve, who managed to easily oust Witte and turn Nikolai into an obedient schoolboy.”

However, in 1905, the sovereign abruptly changed his character and began to rule Russia single-handedly.

GERMAN Slander?

In 1904, the book “Anecdotes of the Russian Court” was published in Berlin. Brezhnev had not even been born yet, the Cold War was even further away, and jokes were already being used with might and main in the confrontation between the leading powers. However, historians know that these “non-lethal weapons” were used in ideological struggle back in the days of Ancient Rome. In addition, the sovereign could simply be joking - the sense of humor of different people sometimes varies greatly.

1) One day, Nicholas II, while in the theater, noticed a man with large thick hair and asked who he was.

“It seems to me that this is a famous poet,” the Minister of the Court, sitting behind, said to His Majesty.

Poet? Poet? - the emperor became interested. - Maybe it’s Pushkin himself?

2) His Majesty Nicholas II deigns to be in the theater at a benefit performance of one famous and his favorite artist. "Nora" is coming. His Majesty sees Ibsen in general and “Nora” in particular for the first time.

After the performance, His Majesty invites the director of his theaters to his box, expressing his complete pleasure.

“I am very pleased with the acting and performance,” notes His Majesty, “But pray tell, why does my favorite artist run away from both her husband and the stage at the end?”

3) When cholera appeared in the East, Nicholas II was a little alarmed by this circumstance, fearing that the epidemic would not be brought to St. Petersburg. Soon His Majesty reviewed the troops of the St. Petersburg Military District.

Brothers,” he began, “cholera is playing pranks in the east of our dear Fatherland. But here, in St. Petersburg, I strictly forbid you such disgusting behavior.

We are glad to try, Your Majesty,” the soldiers answered in one voice.

4) One day Nicholas II went to visit a military hospital. The prudent military authorities arranged it so that there were no sick people at all, but only those recovering.

What's wrong with this one? - the sovereign inquired at the bedside of one soldier.

“He had typhus, Your Majesty,” the head of the hospital reported.

Typhus? - asked His Majesty. - I know, I had it myself. From such a stupid disease they either die, or, remaining alive, go crazy.

5) It was a wonderful summer day. Nicholas II, not content with a walk in the park adjacent to his summer palace, wandered with his adjutant into the nearest forest. Suddenly he hears cuckooing: “Kuk-ku, kuk-ku.”

What is this? - asks His Majesty.

This is a cuckoo, Your Majesty,” explains the adjutant.

Cuckoo? - the king asks again. - Well, exactly like the clock in our Swiss pavilion.

6) Nicholas II, interested in the successes of technology, inspects the new bridge across the Neva. Having expressed his pleasure to a sufficient extent, as it seemed to him, Nicholas II thought about it and turned to the accompanying civil engineer with the question of why the bridge piers on one side are pointed at an angle, and on the other side of the bridge they are rounded.

“Your Majesty,” the engineer answered, “this is done so that when the ice drifts, the ice breaks on the tips.”

Thank you... Quite right,” His Majesty answers, “but please tell me, how will it be if the ice moves from the other side in the spring?”

7) Nicholas II visited the Manege to attend cavalry competitions for officers. His Majesty was pleased with everything, but it did not escape his attention that in the same place in the Manege all the horses seemed to be afraid of something. The commander hastened to explain to His Majesty that the fright of the horses was due to the fact that the sun's rays, breaking through the windows of the Manege, formed bright reflections in one place on the sand.

This place should be sprinkled with fresh sand in advance,” His Majesty remarked sternly.

8) When an agricultural exhibition was opened in St. Petersburg, Nicholas II with his entire retinue was present at the opening. After the prayer service, the sovereign makes a tour of the exhibition and, by the way, enters the artificial fertilizer department. The Minister of Agriculture gives tedious explanations and draws His Majesty's attention to how extremely important it is for agriculture to have cheap artificial fertilizers.

“All this is wonderful,” says Nikolai, “but tell me, please, what do men actually give to their cows so that they provide artificial fertilizers?”

JOKES FROM THE POPULAR ENVIRONMENT

However, Russian jokes, born among the people, sometimes spoke even more frankly impartially about the tsar’s intellectual abilities.

One man publicly called Nicholas II a fool. Someone reported to the police officer, and he summoned the man for questioning.

“I didn’t say this about our Nicholas,” the man justifies himself, “but about the Montenegrin Tsar.” He is also Nikolai.

“Don’t fool me,” says the constable, “if I’m a fool, then it’s certainly ours.”

The merchant's wife Semizhopova wrote a petition to change her surname in the highest name. Nikolai imposed a resolution: “Five is enough.”

The last Russian sovereign and his family were destined to suffer a terrible, martyr's death. On the night of July 17, 1918, in the vicinity of Yekaterinburg, “Citizen Romanov” was shot along with his entire family, including children. The Bolsheviks threw the still half-living bodies into a mined-out mine. The horrifying action was not without some occult background.

What we have, we don’t keep; when we lose it, we cry. The life of Nicholas II in folklore continued. Immediately after the revolution, when many in unfortunate Russia realized that in October 1917 they had “gotten crazy,” that is, they realized that they would now have neither a stake nor a courtyard, new jokes about the last emperor began to appear with new claims against him. And if before the revolution jokes were predominantly of an everyday nature, now they increasingly began to take on unsafe political tones:

The Soviet government posthumously awarded citizen Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov, former Tsar Nicholas II, the Order of the October Revolution for creating a revolutionary situation in the country.

Perhaps it was this anecdote that later provoked the question asked by a certain listener to the famous “Armenian Radio”:

Why wasn’t Nicholas II awarded the Order of the Red Banner of Labor?

Because I couldn’t prepare food for some 70 years,” answered “Armenian Radio” confidently.

Victor BUMAGIN

TO HOME

Peter I

Peter the Great was already surrounded by myths and legends during his lifetime. Many of them were related to how the first Russian emperor “went to the people.” His behavior was recognized by many as eccentric, to put it mildly, and they also ridiculed the fact that the second person in the state, Alexander Menshikov, began his career by selling pies. The first anecdote is dedicated to Peter’s favorite, a person who ideally personifies the phraseology “from rags to riches” (and vice versa). He talks about why, in fact, Peter valued Menshikov so much.

“Peter I adored Menshikov. However, this did not stop him from often beating His Serene Highness with a stick. Somehow, a fair quarrel occurred between them, in which Menshikov suffered greatly: the Tsar broke his nose and put a huge lantern under his eye. And then he kicked him out with the words: “Get out, son of a pike, and may I no longer have your legs!” Menshikov did not dare to disobey, he disappeared, but a minute later he entered the office again... in his arms!”

In general, Peter valued people who had imagination. Another example of this can be found in another classic joke about Pyotr Alekseevich. By the way, it also illustrates how high social mobility was during the formation of the Russian Empire.

“Peter I, they say, walked around the city unrecognized in simple clothes and talked with ordinary people. One evening in a tavern he drank beer with a soldier, and the soldier pawned his broadsword for the drink. To the bewilderment of “Peter Mikhailov,” the soldier explained: they say, for now I’ll sheathe a wooden broadsword, and I’ll buy it from my salary.

The next morning the king arrived at the regiment, walked through the ranks, recognized the sly man, stopped and ordered: “Cut me with your broadsword!” The soldier is speechless and shakes his head negatively. The king raised his voice: “Ruby! Otherwise, you’ll be hanged this very second for neglecting an order!”

Nothing to do. The soldier grabbed the wooden hilt and yelled: “Lord God, turn this formidable weapon into wood!” - and chopped. Only the chips flew! The regiment gasped, the regimental priest prayed: “A miracle, God granted a miracle!” The king twirled his mustache and said in a low voice to the soldier: “Resourceful, you bastard! - and loudly to the regimental commander: - Five days in the guardhouse for uncleaning the scabbard! And then send me to navigation school.”

Another important feature of Peter the Great's time - the emergence of a strong connection with Western European culture, as well as the everyday habits and resourcefulness of the emperor, is perfectly shown by the following story.

“Peter was undemanding in his clothes. He wore his dress and shoes for a long time, sometimes to the point of holes. The habit of French courtiers to appear every day in a new dress caused him only ridicule: “Apparently, the young man can’t find a tailor who would dress him quite to his taste?” - he teased the marquis assigned to the distinguished guest. At the reception with the king, Peter appeared in a modest frock coat made of thick gray sheepskin, without a tie, cuffs or lace, in - oh horror! - an unpowdered wig. The extravagance of the Russian guest so shocked Versailles that it temporarily became fashionable. For a month, the court dandies embarrassed the court ladies with their wild costume, which received the official name “savage outfit.”

Catherine II

German by origin, Catherine the Great is remembered by historians as the ruler who created the idea of the need for Russia to conquer the Bosphorus and as the “German mother of the Russian Fatherland.” The first story is dedicated to Catherine II’s attitude towards her own German roots.

“One day the empress felt ill, and her beloved doctor Rogerson ordered her to be bled. After this procedure, she received Count Bezborodko.
- How are you, Your Majesty? - asked the count.
- Now it is better. “I let out the last German blood,” answered the Empress.”

The First Russian-Turkish War (1768–1774) also occurred during the reign of Catherine. Naturally, this was immediately played up in jokes circulating in the world.

“Once, Catherine II received a petition from a naval captain to allow him to marry a black woman. Catherine allowed, but her permission caused condemnation among many Orthodox Christians who considered such a marriage sinful. Catherine responded like this:
“This is nothing more than an ambitious political plan against Turkey: I wanted to solemnly commemorate the marriage of the Russian fleet with the Black Sea.”

Paul I

The son of Catherine II, Grand Master of the Order of Malta, connoisseur of the German army, Paul I was unloved by many nobles. Connected with this were rumors about his illegal birth and reforms that weakened the position of the nobility. Naturally, he was the most popular object of jokes and anecdotes. In love with knightly aesthetics and the external side of military affairs, Pavel earned among his contemporaries the stereotypical image of a martinet. The following short anecdote is connected with this, for example.

- Why are there only seven French fashion stores in St. Petersburg? This is the capital of the empire.
- The Emperor doesn’t allow it anymore. He says that he tolerates them only according to the number of mortal sins.

But here is a typical common story about Pavel, who adored military exercises, which he conducted at his Gatchina residence.

“A great lover of order and war games, Emperor Paul once conceived of maneuvers. He and his detachment were to attack the fortress, and ordered its defenders to hold out for up to 12 hours. An hour and a half before the appointed time, the emperor approached the fortress, but then a persistent rain poured down. Pavel ordered the commandant to open the gate, but he did not even think of letting him in. Exactly at 12, the emperor found himself in the fortress and attacked the commandant with angry reproaches. But he showed Paul his own order, in accordance with which he acted. The emperor had no choice but to thank the staunch colonel for the precise execution of the order. The colonel immediately became a major general, but was immediately exposed to the continuing downpour.”

And of course, speaking about Pavel, one cannot help but recall his tragic death as a result of a conspiracy. And there were some jokes about Pavel’s desire to do everything according to schedule.

“Paul asked the murderers who broke into his bedroom to wait, because he wanted to work out the ceremony for his own funeral.”

In addition, they also laughed at the official reaction of the authorities to the death of the emperor. The de facto cause of his death was declared to be apoplexy. An anecdote was immediately born on this topic:

“The Emperor died from an apoplectic blow to the temple with a snuff box.”

Alexander I

Unlike his father and predecessor, Alexander was loved. Although not the entire period of his reign, but the beginning of the Alexander era was perceived by the nobility and the people very optimistically. Having begun his reign with near-liberal reforms, Alexander the Blessed (as pre-revolutionary historians called him) ended it with a rather harsh tightening of the screws.

Alexander’s attitude towards the documents he signed was often reflected in various stories. Apparently, the multiple, rather superficial reforms he carried out made their presence felt.

“According to General Alexei Petrovich Ermolov, Emperor Alexander had some kind of morbid passion for symmetry, and the general considered this disease to be hereditary and chronic. The emperor might not sign some important document only because the first movement of the pen produced the beginning of the letter A that he did not quite like. And that’s all. He didn’t need any other reasons for not signing the document.”

The creator of the Tsarskoye Selo Lyceum was not ignored by the most famous of its graduates, Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin, who wrote an epigram simultaneously about the Lyceum’s assistant tutor Zernov and his namesake, the All-Russian Emperor. And it was entitled: “To two Alexander Pavlovichs.”

Romanov and Zernov dashing,
You are similar to each other:
Zernov! You're limping your leg
Romanov with his head.

But what if I find enough strength?
Comparison of cumming with a spitz?
The one in the kitchen broke his nose,
And the one near Austerlitz.

Nicholas I

The Russian autocrat, considered one of the strongest rulers in Europe of his time, is often accused of excessive rigidity, strengthening censorship, despotism and extreme political conservatism. But it was under him that the first railway in Russia was opened and a code of laws was finally established and written down. Of course, they joked about the suppressor of the Decembrist uprising, but they did it carefully and respectfully. An example would be a traditional historical anecdote.

“During the Crimean War, the sovereign, outraged by the theft that was being discovered everywhere, in a conversation with the heir, expressed himself as follows:
“It seems to me that in all of Russia you and I are the only ones who don’t steal.”

Perhaps, the same Pushkin allowed himself to speak out most sharply: “There is a lot of the ensign in him and a little of Peter the Great.” At the same time, Nikolai, in the anecdotal tradition, appears not as an ensign, but as a man who simultaneously possessed perfect self-control and a sense of humor.

“Once, when Nicholas I came out to the regiment, one button on his cuff was not fastened.
The adjutant delicately reported to the emperor about the oversight. To this the emperor said in a voice that was heard by the entire regiment:
- I'm dressed in uniform. This regiment is not dressed in uniform.
And immediately the regiment undid one button on the cuff.”

“One of the court officials filed a complaint with Nicholas I against an officer who stole his daughter from him and married her without the permission of her parents. Nikolai wrote the following resolution on the complaint: “The officer should be demoted, the marriage annulled, the daughter returned to her father, considered a virgin.”

As already mentioned, they slandered Nicholas carefully. For example, they laughed at his seriousness and pride.

“Nicholas I liked to check posts at night. One day he came across an ensign (at that time the lowest officer rank) of one of the engineering units. The ensign saw the emperor and stood to the front.
-Where are you from? - Nikolai asked.
-From the depot, Your Majesty! - the ensign reported.
-Fool! Is the “depot” inclined? - the emperor corrected the illiterate servant.
-Everyone bows to Your Majesty! - the ensign said flatteringly, but extremely sincerely.
The ensign greeted the morning as a captain.”

Alexander II

Several famous historical anecdotes are associated with the reign of this Russian reformer. For example, a story dedicated to Zhukovsky, the mentor of the then Tsarevich Alexander.

“Nicholas is traveling in a carriage with Tsarevich Alexander and his mentor, the poet Vasily Zhukovsky. The innocent prince saw a famous three-letter word on the fence and asked Zhukovsky what it meant. The Emperor looked at Zhukovsky with interest, waiting to see how the master of words would get out of the situation.
“Your Imperial Highness,” answered Zhukovsky, “this is the imperative mood of the verb “hot.”
The Emperor remained silent. But upon returning home, he smiled at Zhukovsky, unfastened the chain with an expensive gold watch and handed it to the poet with the words: “... in his pocket!”

There were many terrorist attempts on the life of Alexander II. Perhaps the most common anecdote of that time is connected with one of them, which happened near the Summer Garden. Then a peasant who came to sell fish saved the king, covering the king with his body.

-Who shot him?
- Nobleman.
-Who saved him?
- Peasant.
- How was he rewarded?
- Made him a nobleman.

Apparently, Zhukovsky’s pupil was not imbued with a great love for writers. This is evidenced by the following anecdote about the attitude of Alexander II towards Turgenev.

“One of the emperor’s interlocutors said that Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev is a most wonderful person. The emperor instantly reacted: “That is, how wonderful a writer can be!”

Alexander III

Emperor Alexander III did not wage wars, rolled back numerous reforms of his predecessors, and was extremely concerned about preserving Russian culture. The latter caused a lot of laughter among those who surrounded the peacemaker king.
For example, this is what one of the legends about the beginning of his reign sounds like.

“As soon as he ascended the throne, Alexander III called several especially trusted persons into his office and, looking around to see if anyone was eavesdropping, asked them to frankly tell him “the whole truth”:
- Whose son is Paul I? - Alexander III asked Count Gudovich on the second day after his accession.
“Most likely, the father of Emperor Pavel Petrovich was Count Saltykov,” answered Gudovich.
“Glory to you, God,” exclaimed Alexander III, fervently crossing himself, “that means I have at least a little Russian blood in me.”

Or another historical anecdote on the same topic.

“One day, members of the headquarters of one of the army corps were introduced to the emperor. When the name Kozlov was heard for the seventh time, Alexander Alexandrovich could not resist exclaiming:
- Finally!
All other surnames were of German origin.”

And the tsar’s love of peace, if we go by the popular stories, can be explained, for example, by his disinterest in foreign affairs. One way or another, the following anecdote does a good job of revealing the personality of “the most Russian tsar among Russian tsars.”

“Once in Gatchina, during a fishing trip, which the tsar was very keen on, a minister found him with an urgent request to immediately receive the ambassador of some great power.
“When the Russian Tsar is fishing, Europe can wait,” the emperor calmly answered.”

Nicholas II

Nicholas II, who lost the Russo-Japanese War, did not escape the First World War and ultimately abdicated the throne, was often ridiculed by his contemporaries, evilly and mercilessly. A classic joke from the time of the first Russian revolution (1905–1907) goes like this:

“Why was there suddenly a need for a constitution limiting the monarchy? After all, for ten years now we have had a “limited” king!”

In general, the mental abilities of the last Russian emperor have been doubted more than once precisely in anecdotal form.

“One day Nicholas II went to visit a military hospital. The prudent military authorities arranged it so that there were no sick people at all, but only those recovering.
- What is this guy sick with? - the sovereign inquired at the bedside of one soldier.
“He had typhus, Your Majesty,” the head of the hospital reported.
- Typhus? - asked His Majesty. - I know, I had it myself. From such a stupid disease they either die, or, remaining alive, go crazy.”

“It was a wonderful summer day when Nicholas II, not content with a walk in the park adjacent to his summer palace, wandered with his adjutant into the nearest forest. Suddenly he hears cuckooing: “Kuk-ku, kuk-ku.”
- What is this? - asks His Majesty .
“This is a cuckoo, Your Majesty,” explains the adjutant.
- Cuckoo? - the king asks again. “Well, exactly like the clock in our Swiss pavilion.”

“When an agricultural exhibition was opened in St. Petersburg, Nicholas II with his entire retinue was present at the opening. After the prayer service, the sovereign makes a tour of the exhibition and, among other things, enters the artificial fertilizer section. The Minister of Agriculture gives tedious explanations and draws His Majesty's attention to how extremely important it is for agriculture to have cheap artificial fertilizers.
“All this is wonderful,” says Nikolai, “but please tell me what, exactly, do men give to their cows so that they provide artificial fertilizers?”

The Russian bureaucracy, which is usually recognized as one of the main reasons for the defeat in the Russo-Japanese War, also suffered.

“After the end of the Russo-Japanese War, it was decided to knock out a medal for its veterans. The phrase “May the Lord exalt you” was suggested as the text. Nikolai wrote in the margin: “In due time, report on readiness.” But for some reason the zealous assistants decided that the words “in due time” should be added to the text, which were on the same level as the original text.”

Pyotr Dolgorukov “Petersburg Sketches: Pamphlets of an Emigrant (1860–1867)”
Pyotr Vyazemsky “Notebooks (1813–1848)”
Naum Sindalovsky “The History of St. Petersburg in a City Anecdote”, “Legends and Myths of St. Petersburg”
Mikhail Pylyaev “Wonderful eccentrics and originals”, “Old Petersburg”, “Old Moscow”